The Holidays Can Be Tough
December 8, 2022
The holidays are here. Personally, I am excited about all of the colorful lights, festive celebrations, and ugly Christmas sweaters. However, I do realize that many aspects of the holiday season can prove heartbreaking to others. In the midst of office parties and gift exchanges, people are hurting. Consequently, there are some people who do not wish to participate in family gatherings and the like because a loved one has died or is currently gravely ill. For some people, the holidays will never be the same because, maybe, a loved one handled all of the planning for Christmas or maybe that person was the matriarch of the family that everyone gathered around. Or maybe you are grieving the loss of a pregnancy or failed adoption and the baby would have been due around this time of year. Or maybe you are grieving the loss of your pet/fur baby. Whatever situation you find yourself in, know that you are not alone and there are ways to cope and pursue healing.
Be kind to yourself. Give yourself time and space to feel your feelings. This could include allowing yourself time to cry, be alone, to be in prayer, read books, scream, and/or lie in bed for a day or two. Grief looks different for everyone, and no two people grieves the same. Just be sure to take care of yourself and eat a healthy diet, drink plenty of water, and continue taking prescribed medications.
Have a trusted friend that you can lean on. Sometimes you may feel as if you cannot participate in family functions, but you should have a friend or family member to support you. Please allow others to sit with you in silence, watch crazy, low-budget movies from the 1980’s, or pass you tissues as you cry and discuss your pain.
Know your limits. If you do determine that you want to include yourself in holiday festivities, have an exit strategy planned ahead of time. Let the host know that you may leave early or that you will only stay for a few minutes. Know where the exits are and use the one that allows you privacy if you don’t want to walk through a crowd of people who may try to convince you to stay. You can even make your favorite dish and have someone pick it up and deliver it to the gathering for you. Just be mindful of your limits.
Express yourself creatively. Have a journal to chronicle your feelings. Listen to soothing music or compose music. Write a poem in honor of your loved one that can be read at a family gathering. You could also decorate a chair or have a candle lit in honor of your loved one that has passed on as a way to still include them in holiday events.
Ask for help. Many of us pride ourselves on being strong and having the ability to forge ahead in the harshest of circumstances. Strength of fortitude is great until the load is just too heavy to bear. Enlist the help of local clergy members, counselors, community centers, and non-profit agencies to put you in contact with grief resources. Just know that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. National resources include:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline-800-273-8255
Crisis Text Line- Text HOME to 741-741
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA)- 800-662-4357
American Foundation of Suicide Prevention-www.afsp.org
Lap of Love Pet Loss and Bereavement Resource Line-855-352-5683
Grief Support for Sibling, Child, and Grandchild Loss- compassionatefriends.org
So, as you seek to manage your grief and navigate Christmas celebrations, be mindful of your thoughts and feelings. Be good to yourself, take care of yourself, and allow others to care for you. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.