Picking Up the Pieces
March 15, 2025
My mission as of now is to pick up the pieces of my broken life. It would be appropos to quote a country western music song, but naturally, I have to fall back upon Black Culture and the Black Church.
There is a popular song by Tremayne and Walter Hawkins called, The Potter’s House. This song talks about falling upon hard times in life and being broken by tough situations. The song goes on to describe and explain that there can be renewal because God, our Creator, the Potter can pick up the pieces and put us back together again.
That song is so me right now. I had a cancer diagnosis that could not be treated, except by having a hysterectomy. I had my uterus removed and it was, by far, the most painful experience I have ever had in my entire life. I’m recovering from the physical pain and now I’m trying to make sense of the emotional and mental pain.
I feel sadness at times. It’s so final that I will never give birth to children. While I had my uterus, there was always a chance, now there is no chance and it’s just the saddest thing ever. I have always thought that I would have babies of my own. However, I had to have the surgery to save my life. Then, to add insult to injury, my job canceled my position less than a week after my surgery. They did not give me all of my hours for the previous work week so my last paycheck was approximately $433.
On a more positive note, I got married to my middle school sweetheart two weeks before my hysterectomy. After my job gave me the can, he was able to put me on his health insurance. My husband has been absolutely wonderful throughout this process. He never once made me feel inadequate because I can’t have babies.
My plan is to be a foster mother and my husband, King, is working tirelessly to get our home organized so that foster children can live with us.
Even still, I am picking up the shards of my busted and broken motherhood dreams and giving them to God to put back together. I wonder, “What is to be of my life”? “What is next”? “What message is God trying to send me”? “How do I stay sane throughout all of this”? “How do I overcome the embarrassment”?
I guess that the answer to all of that is to trust the Lord with the process and with my entire life. I hope that I can become healthier and stronger and do another round of IVF. I also plan to foster children and eventually adopt as many children as I can. I also hope that my story can inspire and encourage someone else.
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