when I think about the things we’ve been through.
it’s funny how we have to keep relearning that marriage is not a still thing. if you’re lucky, you find someone you care enough about to struggle and claw and cry through finding and re-finding your way back to each other.
and you grow and you change at different rates. and you fall out of sync. and it’s the worst and it’s totally inspiring and you question everything and you wake up in the morning and you choose to connect for one more day,
because that’s the only choice you get to make. that’s the curse. that’s the gift. you don’t choose someone for life. who could even say how long that is? what you choose is, for better or worse, I’m sharing my today with you. and I’ll do my best so that every good thing we’ve had won’t compromise my ability to let you be someone different tomorrow. that your well-being & my well-being will never be outweighed by the idea of “us” — even if us is pretty fantastic.
and you start to realize that anniversaries are based on an average, not a streak. that to keep your average up sometimes you have to get radical. you have to be willing to sit with the most uncomfortable feelings within yourself just to be available to connect one more time, this time more deeply. to revisit the things you thought you’d never be asked to do, the last resorts and the things that you “shouldn’t have to do” and “wouldn’t have to do if this was a good marriage.”
you learn that a good marriage is one you’re willing to look at honestly, even when it’s scary, because that’s the only way you can nurture it and heal it and ultimately keep it as long as possible.
to my husband on our 10th anniversary.