Sally Lotz
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Growing Up Cultish: You’re Dead to Me

Growing Up Cultish: You’re Dead to Me

Jun 11, 2022

The Evil Practice of Shunning

(read more of my work on Medium)

You might not care about shunning or disfellowshipping, maybe because it hasn’t been part of your life. Or perhaps you’re very curious as to what this practice is all about.

From Canva


First, my experience is with Jehovah’s Witnesses only, and I cannot speak for any other cult. I think there are many similarities between the groups that shun: Mormons, Amish, Scientologist, and extreme Evangelicals.

What is shunning? According to Merriam Webster, it means: To avoid deliberately and especially habitually

In a cult, members are shunned or disfellowshipped for several reasons. But it’s always done as a way to keep the congregation clean.

From JWfacts.com 

Shunning is a cruel way to manipulate people using emotional and mental abuse. If a Jehovah’s Witness is found guilty of a “serious sin” or has left the cult — they are 100% shunned. Your family and friends will act as if you are dead. It does not matter how old you are. You can be 16 (this happened to me) or 95.

Imagine one day if everyone and everything you knew was taken from you. If your loved ones looked at you as if you were dead. What if your mother was the cashier at Rite-Ade, and you walked up to pay? She would not say hello to you. She would not look at you. She may react as if you had a contagious disease.

Jehovah’s Witnesses lie about their shunning practice. I’ve been on their website, and what is on the website and what Jehovah’s Witnesses who come to my door say are out and out lies.

From Canva


Here’s what the JW site says (I hated going there to find this).

“Those who were baptized as Jehovah’s Witnesses but no longer preach to others, perhaps even drifting away from association with fellow believers, are not shunned. In fact, we reach out to them and try to rekindle their spiritual interest.

We do not automatically disfellowship someone who commits a serious sin. If, however, a baptized Witness makes a practice of breaking the Bible’s moral code and does not repent, he or she will be shunned or disfellowshipped. The Bible clearly states: “Remove the wicked man from among yourselves.” — 1 Corinthians 5:13.

Disfellowshipped individuals may attend our religious services…

 Disfellowshipped people who reject improper conduct and demonstrate a sincere desire to live by the Bible’s standards are always welcome to become Jehovah’s Witnesses again.”

From Canva

First, I am going to break down the lies here.

1) Those who leave or drift away, as they call it, baptized or not, are shunned. If the cult reaches out to you (aka we will keep calling you, texting, and showing up at your home until you come back) and you refuse to respond, you are dead to them. You have become poison. Granted, a few escaped this process, but the number is tiny.

2) We do not automatically disfellowship — this is true. They allow you to have a judicial committee meeting. That’s you and two to three Elders. If you don’t agree to meet with them — you are automatically disfellowshipped (shunned).

3) Serious sin = Hmmm. What would you think is a serious sin? Murder maybe? Pedophilia? Serious sin can be ANYTHING the Elders decide. And each Jehovah’s Witness will have a different definition. My mother told me it’s living with someone out of wedlock. Being gay is a serious sin. I’ve also heard of people who smoked and were disfellowshipped. And then there is what happened to my brother. He asked questions about Jehovah’s Witness Prophecies that failed. He was out.

I once asked a sweet old JW woman why she thought one of my best friends was disfellowshipped (the woman didn’t know I was shunned, she came to my door). Her response was my friend must have done something really bad. I said, “No. She told me that she reported her ex-husband to the police for beating her, then moved into a shelter.” Which, while this wasn’t my neighbors story, was the story of several women I’d met. This sweet old lady, suddenly turned not so sweet, and proceeded to tell me my friend was a liar and that Jehovah always provides for his followers. 

On the other hand, you can be a pedophile, beat your wife, be a drug addict, and if you tell the Elders you are sorry, and you’ll work on it with the help of Jehovah, you’re forgiven and allowed to stay in the flock. And no one calls the police.

4) Disfellowshipped people can attend religious services. Yes, this is true, but you have to sit in the back row or in the special room where no one can talk to you. You become poison. You’re in a roomful of people — but you’re alone. 

Shunning is a disgraceful, unloving practice that many JW’s who’ve left cannot endure. They cannot live in the outside world because of the trauma and emotional abuse inside the cult, so they commit suicide. The Jehovah’s Witnesses call it a “loving provision.” How is not talking to or interacting with your children, grandchildren, parents, siblings, and best friends a loving provision?

What it is is a way to keep the fold in line. If the cult members fear being shunned, they will never leave. This is what happens. MANY members stay PIMO (physically and mentally out), so they don’t lose everything. This is sad.

The JW website has watered down its doctrine to seem like nothing. It’s all a LIE. If you confront or ask a Jehovah’s Witnesses about their disfellowshipping policies, they will LIE to your face. They cannot have a conversation about it with you without getting angry.

My question is, if you have the Truth, why lie?

Resources: 

CultWatch https://www.cultwatch.com/

JWFacts: https://www.jwfacts.com/watchtower/disfellowship-shunning.php

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