It's my 55th birthday today. I can't believe I am this old - that's my first thought. It's hard to conceive of the fact that my grandmother lived another 47 years after the age I am now, and yet my dad only lived another five from where I am now. Heavy.
Life lessons and personal observations for today:
Get it while you can: I get all the free stuff that's easily/readily available to me on my birthday. I had a free sausage burrito from McDonald's, am enjoying a free praline latte from Starbucks, have my coupon printed for my free waffle at Waffle House (I have a few days to use that one so it will wait), and will get my free sub from Jersey Mike's today for lunch. Getting free stuff that you're entitled to by running around and waiting in various lines is something I have a lot of experience with now, having been someone who needs to patronize food pantries on and off. There's one of those later as well, but I don't know if I want to devote the 2 hours to sitting in line for it today. Maybe not.
Self-care: Even small amounts can make a difference: I'll take a walk today, somewhere, even if it's only walking the dog. Tonight I may take a bath with epsom salts and a face mask.
Know your worth: Two people contacted me about potential gig work this week. One wanted to dramatically underpay me and ghosted when I told them my rate. The other didn't balk at my rate and is moving forward - I'm editing two children's picture books and am excited to work with my new client.
Family/chosen family is everything: Events have happened this week that have made me take stock of who I am really close to, who I could depend on in a crisis, who has been there for me and would be there if I need them. When it comes down to it, a close circle of high quality is better than having a million friends. Be a good friend. Be there when people need you, but also when they don't. Be around, be present in people's lives if you care about them.
Being a parent is difficult but the rewards can surprise you: My child, who is a teenager, now has spirited discussion and debate with me. He is finding his moral compass (or being surprised at the lack thereof), rebelling against norms, and questioning the system, all of which I support. I love that he is bucking against what I think and feel, and he is learning to respectfully disagree no matter how hard both people argue their point. He would never believe I used to think and feel some of what he did, and that with time, age, and wisdom, my mind is changed, as he is certain his mind will never change. It's fascinating to watch and I'm impressed with his passion for his viewpoint and his reasoning and explanation for why he thinks what he does. Last night he shared a 20-minute animated history of the world video that was actually funny, thought-provoking, and more history than I ever learned in school. I love that we are still finding ways to stay close during a time when many kids can't stand to be around their parents for more than five minutes.
I'm tougher than I think: So many of the cards I've been dealt in life have been tough to play. My dad dying when I was 21. Having my childhood home and all its contents auctioned off without my knowledge. Getting chronically ill at 21, and all of the surgeries that followed. Infertility, domestic abuse, poverty, layoffs, toxic workplaces/bosses, sexual assault - whew, it's been a wild ride. Yet here I am, still kicking, still fighting the system and it's injustices, still working to hopefully change things, and trying to educate others so they can navigate life's systems with the lessons I've learned.
Be good to each other out there. Life is hard. Recognize the up moments when you have them. It's ok not to be happy all the time.
Live for today, and plan for tomorrow if you can, though remember it is not promised to us.