Hello You!
How this story begun was documented end of May 2023 in the post 'Time to be the hero'.
18 months down the line and the exhaustion that I have felt from the events have taken a real toll.
I have experienced what I have coined the shadow society; a problem or people with problems that are right under your nose, people that you pass that are suffering battles you may not know of and people who feel lost and lonely in a world that is based on survival of the fittest.
The single mother path is not an easy one and even though society believes we have progressed in the realms of equality, single mothers and their children still have an incredibly hard time.
Not only do we have to deal with heartbreak, trauma, overwhelm, exhaustion, loneliness, isolation and financial hardship we are not able to afford in many cases the same circumstances as 2 parent families.
I myself this time round have found it impossible to afford a home for my family and this responsibility does solely fall on me despite the fact the children have fathers, it is only my responsibility not theirs. Rents are too high and even when affordable a single mum is the last thing any tenants want, the closest I came was this time last year. I found a property near the schools for the children, I could at that time afford it as I would of saved the £100 a week I currently have to spend on fuel to and fro from where my children work and go to school and we were excited... I was told in no uncertain terms the landlord would not consider a single mother. I said this was illegal and discriminatory to which he sympathetically replied, that may be but you don't stand a chance against a couple with children or a couple of single person without children. At this point I considered moving away but with no income and no support and the objection of the fathers that get to choose where and when they move it seemed like it was not the best option.
I am in the homelessness and home choice section of Basildon council there systems are not efficient. They don't talk to each other and they gatekeep. The last thing they do is consider or prioritise the safety of mothers and children. I am not implying the employees are responsible, they are doing what they can with what they have and under immense pressure. It is the systems that provide the housing and the policies and the budgets and lets throw in education and support . It is a mess. I have been signposted everywhere you can think of; and while they all do their paperwork, my family suffers.
My mental health has hit an all time low, despite having the best friends in the whole world that have made this a year I will never forget for all the right reasons, it has been my toughest yet as a single mum.
I am exhausted. From the second I found myself in this situation not only have I had to deal with losing the reality I thought was mine, I have had to fight the future of my family. I have had doors held open and then shut again; from constant meetings with potential work opportunities that didn't amount to anything, to meetings with MP's, counsellors, CBT, Citizen Advice Bureau, peabody, social prescribers I have very little fight and lost hope completely when I was sent to the property with concrete cancer, no water, buckets to wash with, food left from people, rats in the junk garden, and an unsafe environment. Is this where all my good intentions to be the best mother I can has got my children? Is this their reality with me?
I haven't just lost my fight and my hope, I have lost direction. I am clueless for the first time in my life of where to go with it all. I know that we should visualise that we should affirm the reality we wish to bring in. All I can assume is my life is going to be nothing of which I imagined..... I am hoping it is because I lack the imagination to create how great it is going to be but other times I think I am an ADHD perimenopausal exhausted lunatic and this will be my life forever, constant fire fighting and problem solving, constant jumping from one solution to another.
I will purge my thoughts and experiences here of a single mum.
I mean, honestly is there anything as important as a mother in nature? Doesn't the future of the world we live in depend on their mental health and the conditions and environment her children have? We are playing with our future when we abandon the future by neglecting the present.
I plan to raise awareness about the facts around single mother hood and our children.
Please sign the petition, subscribe to this if you have not already, sharing is caring, the content will be based not just around my personal journey but the discoveries it leads me to in a system that is failing humanity on every single level!!!
Peace & Love
Bex