Part of the work I do for others is the same as I do for myself. The journey of living a life you love and personal and spiritual growth.
Really, I am not sure what else there is? The point of life has to be to be happy and to live your truth. What do you notice when you try and do something new?
As you know I am at a pivotal point in life, I am not who I was and not who I am to be, I am in the becoming stage. The becoming stage is like that scene in Tangled where Rapunzel escapes the tower she has known all her life as she had always dreamed of seeing the floating lights. She has left the tower but is not at the lights and she is both elated and freaked out, both full of joy and self doubt and guilt, panic, worry, worrying about what her Mum will think, happy that she has been brave enough to take the first step but then feeling like a total psycho in the process.
This is what growth looks like, this is what 'becoming' feels like. More often than not you do not feel of sane mind. You have your empowered thoughts. You have taken the step, all you have to do is keep taking steps but the disempowered thoughts from ego that are screaming at you all the reasons everything you are doing or becoming won't work, not for you, run back home, back to base!
The thing is though, once you have left your own personal tower you know that you can't be happy there anymore, you know you can't go back, but that can pain you as it feels uncomfortable.
It feels uncomfortable as you don't know it, you are stepping out of the familiar, the known in to the unknown and your ego or the fear based thoughts in your head, are trying to drag you back or keep you stuck fearing what it does not know.
Joseph Campbell said 'In your darkest cave you will find your greatest treasure'
What he means is the unknown and the thing that triggers you most stands to hold the greatest reward. The only way is through, the only way is to keep going.
So we ask ourselves how do we combat this? What is the difference to a person who lets fear control their present and future and a person that follows the voice that says feel the fear and do it anyway? Well, the result is the obvious answer but how and if we all get there may be different.
I have tried everything in the past, which is part of growth and part of distraction and procrastination which is a fear response, a micro trauma response that most of us act out that were raised in the age of emotional unavailability.
I have tried, Kambo to clear, regular Cacoa to heal the heart, Positive thinking, adaptogens, reading, courses, masterclasses, yoga, journaling, burning pieces of paper under the full moon and coaching. I believe all of these have helped me along the path. I think what I hoped was that they would rid me of my ego, my fear narrative. I think we have to make peace with the fact life is both fear and courage. I find myself saying to myself and people 'Life is both good and bad all at the same time'. We can't eliminate the bad, you can't think all bad things away as you cannot control everything but you can control how you respond to it.
Responding vs Reacting
One of the lessons I had to learn and we can all benefit from is responding before reacting. This has obvious benefits when in a conversation or interaction with another person to find resolutions in the healthiest way.
I am bringing my 'first responder' to the conflict inside my head, when I pursue new opportunities. I did this earlier today. I wanted to feel positive, I had been feeling good, laid back and not attached to outcome, the closer the event became the harder it was to shut out the voice with the messaging 'Who do you think you are?' 'You can't do that' 'People will laugh at you, people will judge you... for the love of God cancel it, cancel cancel and do nothing!!!' It's easy to feel like you have a multiple personality disorder when you try and do different things.
Ok so what is the tactic that I can use myself and you can too? I have tried creating a different persona an alter ego lol, that is fun but it didn't work in this situation. What did and does work is having the holy trinity in conversation and connection inside my head. The holy trinity includes my highest self, my now self and my child self. I can hear it all going mad here in my head, when I bring my highest self in, it asks questions, it asks is this true, is this helping, would you talk to a child like this, what is the empowered thought, what is the thought that brings peace not stress to your mind. It is wiser than me now, that is how I see it, that is how I feel it. When my highest self asks me these questions and knows I would never use such disempowered thoughts with anyone else, I step in to my power in the now, I see myself as the child that formed these fears and I instantly feel like I owe it to her to prove to her that if you take action anything is possible. I feel like I have my highest self saying come on, walk the talk, we can do this, somewhere in a parallel universe you already have done this to create the highest self, you can do this... You literally have done this!!! Then my mini me with my 80's bowl cut shows up in my head looking up at me and I know I owe it to her, she deserves the best, like all kids do, like all adults do. It worked. It even felt like the space in my head grew bigger to fit in the other versions of me, and it felt peaceful, it felt complete it felt empowered.
So I hand that down to you if you haven't done it already, when your playing small and fear is backing you in to the corner, bring in the highest version of yourself that exists somewhere, the version of you that has already done the hard stuff and is living your own dream, bring in your childhood self, know that she is counting on you to make good, make her proud, make yourself proud and make your highest version proud, leave the pity party and host a festival of fabulousness in your honor all the versions of yourself are counting on it, the wounded versions, the exhausted versions and the accomplished versions. Fuck the fear and do it for the fun of it, for the fun of life, for the adventure of it all, for pursuing a life that matters to you, a life you love to live.
If you would like a little support get in touch or sign up to my emails to listen out for the podcast that is coming baby and me and the three versions of myself that are excited about getting back out there and becoming more my highest self every day.
Vibe High Always.
In Good Health
Becca x