Dear friends, rainbros and supporters,
I am writing to you to try to explain the depth and complexity of my situation, why I’ve been a hot mess for so long, and why your help is so important right now.
I have fallen madly out of love with Costa Rica, particularly the part where we live, San Vito. The weather and terrain are so intense that you can hardly do anything, which is mainly why there is no culture and nothing to do here. We came here with big dreams and ideals, but I was immediately disappointed. I realized pretty early on that I wanted (and needed) to create a purposeful career for myself. I wanted to bring my passions together, channel my energy into rewarding work, empower myself, and be successful…
So I started with Instagram, OnlyFans, Patreon and naked virtual yoga classes. Over the years I have experimented with many different platforms and avenues to try to grow - YouTube, TikTok, Twitter, Telegram…and started teaching for Naked Warrior Yoga (instead of independently). One of the overarching themes of all this has been feeling like I’m shouting into the void and posting/performing for mainly unengaged audiences of zombies, especially on OnlyFans.
I’ve been the most consistently bummed out by OnlyFans for a long time. People just want more, more, more but hardly ever say thank you (or anything at all), even when you deliver exactly what they’ve been asking for. A lot of people don’t even demand more of your attention & energy beyond what you post. Trying to subtly advertise OnlyFans on Instagram is largely what got me shadow-banned and ultimately shut down, so I built a lot of resentment but kept doing it because it was our largest source of income.
However, out of all the creator platforms I tried, YouTube was actually the saddest. I put a TON of energy into making three seasons of a farm vlog called “Everything is Fine” because I thought that putting out cute, non-controversial content that more accurately represented our life might resonate with a broader audience and help people to understand our goals and challenges on the homestead (which was really interesting back when we were still full-on farming with animals). I did my best, but hardly anybody was watching or engaging/supporting, even our friends. It was getting us nowhere, so I stopped and begrudgingly redirected that energy and time back to Only Fans…
Fast forward to last week - I finally announced to our fans that I am OVER IT. I quit, even though I still need the money.
Trying to be a successful content-creator couple became really toxic for us. Both OnlyFans AND YouTube put Pepe and me under constant pressure to perform and caused us to butt heads and resent each other. Pepe is now doing completely separate work. He’s going through his own rigorous trial & error process with investing and juggling multiple online ventures. Although the future is still uncertain, it seems promising, and separating as business partners has already helped our relationship.
After almost 5 years of this, I am bitter and totally burned out. Instagram deleting my account was when I really hit a wall. That was the main platform I used for growing my business, as well as self expression. It was my connection to the outside world, the way I got clients & students, and my hope for expanding my career. I treated it like my professional portfolio, but it also documented my personal growth journey, and I was so proud of it.
When that came crashing down, I decided that it was time for me to finally create my own website so that I could bring all of my offerings together in a clear, professional way (and monetize them), hopefully face less resistance, and also start a new blog about the work I do with men. I found a web designer and hired a VA to help me accomplish this. Together we created Rainbro Universe. Even with help it was a long and tedious process (partly because I went with WordPress, much to my chagrin). But in the end, we manifested my vision, and I was happy…
but then I connected it with Woo/Stripe so that I could receive payments. For about 5 minutes my website was finally complete and ready to launch...then my business was permanently rejected for violating the guidelines. To be clear, there is NOT explicit nudity or pornographic content on my website. I am not even going in that direction anymore!!!
I still don’t know if the world is going to allow me to be who I want to be or openly run the type of business I want to run, but I am so beat-up and exhausted from this painful trial & error process and all the setbacks and rejections I’ve experienced. It doesn’t help that I live in one of the rainiest, sleepiest, most boring, isolated, conservative, moldy, bug-infested small towns in the world (7 hours away from the nearest international airport). I want nothing more than to escape and be successful - to be able to run my business with peace and a sense of pride - but I am pretty much at a loss on how to do that. I am going to have to go back to the drawing board with my assistant and re-build a lot of my website, I may even have to set up a new LLC, and I don’t know if I can write the type of blog that I wanted to write because the “adult content” may cause my website to be shadow-banned like my Instagram account was.
I’m going to be working behind the scenes and investing in myself with training in new professional skills, while also trying to take care of my mental health and restore my energy. I’m also going to be spending more money than I’m making during this period since every single part of running a small business with a website costs money.
We are in motion, but it FEELS like we're just spinning our wheels. Eventually I know I will have a breakthrough, but in the meantime…
Your support is more important than ever before. In case it wasn’t clear, I am in a very complicated situation, and I am not OK, but the only way out is through...
I'm not just asking for donations, I am also asking you to take advantage of my services & offerings. Please invite me to be your Yoga Teacher or do a Human Design reading for you. That not only brings me money, but also joy. Please help me to get through this era so that I can have a re-birth and start a new, more positive chapter. I promise I will pay it forward when I can.
I know that nobody has the answers, and nobody can fix this but me. I am not asking for advice unless you have creative, practical solutions for the issues I’m facing with my website/business. Please don’t send me long, emotional messages because that is definitely not what I need. Thanks for your support and thanks for reading.
Everything is fine,
Coco