Hi no one, welcome back to another one of my writings. Today I will be telling you how to be a menace in Marvel Rivals. I have made 3 different stratagies for success:
1: Jeff.
Aww, look at you! Just a sweet little healer with your bubbly bubbles and sparkly support powers, right? WRONG. You’re Jeff, baby—the deceptively cuddly nightmare of the backline.
Sure, you could help your team. You could toss healing bubbles like confetti at a birthday party.
But why do that… when you could become a chaotic little menace instead?
Spam those bubbles like you're throwing tantrums at a tea party. Sneak behind enemy lines with the glee of a toddler holding a permanent marker. Find their healer and ruin their day—then skip away giggling before they can catch you.
You're not a support. You're a gremlin with a god complex, and the enemy team will learn to fear the sound of your adorable little footsteps.
You're not healing anyone. You're healing yourself... with their suffering.
2: Loki.
Ah, Loki. God of mischief. Master of deception. Absolute spawn-camping psychopath. If you've ever faced a real Loki player, you're already familiar with the pain. But you? You're going to be something far worse. You're going to become a myth, a night terror, whispered about in support group chats for weeks.
Step one: vanish. Slip into the shadows like the rat king of chaos you are. Forget your team—they're just background characters in your twisted one-man play.
Now, set the stage. Three clones. One you. No mercy.
Find the squishiest healer and evaporate them. Don’t even say hello. Just blink in and end their whole career. Then? Stroll forward with the confidence of a deity and take the enemy spawn as your personal domain.
Every time someone peeks their nose out of spawn? Boom—Loki explosion. A flash of clones. A burst of chaos. A moment of silence... and then they’re back in the death screen. Again. And again.
You're not here to win the match.
You're here to break spirits.
To ruin friendships.
To be the reason someone uninstalls the game.
Long live the Loki of Doom.
3: Iron Fist.
Mad at Iron Man? Storm? Human Torch? Good. Let the hate flow through you. Become Iron Fist, the airborne menace, the punch-delivering goblin of the skies.
Here’s the deal: flying heroes think they’re safe. They float around majestically, raining down damage, feeling untouchable. But then—you happen. Triple jump into the sky like a caffeinated kangaroo, lock onto them like a guided missile, and right-click them into oblivion.
They can’t escape. They can’t fight back. They will panic. They will cry. And then... they will switch characters.
If you’ve ever dreamed of being the reason someone throws their mouse across the room, Iron Fist is your guy. Make every flying character deeply regret their life choices.
Please note that this evil writing was just for luaghs. I wrote the base then had ChatGPT enhance it to make it funnier.