Social media is a unique tool of connection. Seriously, it's great. How else could we link up with people from around the world, experience Osaka, Japan without ever going? How else could we follow our friends' journeys through the Himalayas without having to ever step foot outdoors? How else could we watch a compilation of cats and dogs fighting to the death in full gladiator garb in a CGI version of the colosseum?
Social media gives us access to people's lives that we would otherwise never have a chance to see. We'd sit in our homes, go to work, go to the gym, get lost in our hobbies, our favorite restaurants, read books, watch the entirety of a movie, meet new people and live in a very undisturbed life. We'd have little become friends with strangers in person, we'd have very little access to places that we're not physically experiencing, and we'd have to make phone calls to our friends or family to see what they're doing. Better yet, we could write a letter, mail it, and wait for a response (currently watching someone writing a postcard a couple tables over from me as I'm editing - WILD!). The quickest that it could get back to me would be a couple days. Meanwhile, I could send a DM to my friend that lives in Japan and see what he's been up to and if he's got a spare room for me. The speed of life and decision making is exponentially faster with social media in our hands.
Today marks the 7th day I've been free of social media. Last Thursday, I told myself (and whomever saw my story) that I'd take a full week off from the socials. I found that I was getting lost, spending too much time following other people's lives and not living my own. I'd see their opinions, reposts of some political nonsense, a bunch of bias information that would skew towards their own personal stance on something. What I started to find was that all of social media was so obnoxiously opinionative it would become difficult to hear your own thoughts.
How many people were spreading love, joy, beauty, and general positivity? It would be harder to find, for sure. It seems that hopping on the hate-train would pull more views or clicks than a beautiful landscape, a creative project, or a hopeful story did. These obviously exist, but the algorithm will feed you less of that and more of the popular stuff - anger sandwiches, passive-aggressive ice cream, or this-is-why-I'm-right pizza.
My General Experience WITH Social Media...
DISTRACTED - Man... anytime I found resistance for something I was working on, it would be WAY too easy for me to pull up Instagram, to pull up Facebook, or even a dating app (I got rid of dating apps months ago - I want to meet "her" in person) and start scrolling. These moments that I would hit a mental block, a creative hurdle, or just a general brain-fart, I'd pull out my phone and start to scroll for "inspiration." Yuck.
INADEQUATE - Everyone's engaged in the coolest activities, they have so much money, they have so many friends, they're so happy all the time, they're living a better life than me... followed by sad thoughts of "Why can't I live a life like that? I can, I will!" subsequently followed by the same damn cycle. I'd see everyone's experience in life and I'd compare to my own. What's a surefire way to make yourself feel like shit? Compare yourself to someone else. "Comparison is the thief of joy." rings a bell.
ANXIOUS - Anxiety is a weird one. It can be your own energy, it can be feeling other peoples', it could be having had too much coffee. It's a vague term and that's why it's so new to society. It's undefined and bland. I can say "no" to any request and claim that it's my "anxiety." It could be fear of unknown/fear of failure/fear of rejection, someone wanting to stay in their comfort zone, or a desire for seclusion. It's a blanket term. BUT, in relation to social media, having too much input would create a sense of overwhelming. It would feel like my brain couldn't focus on one thing, but just 400 things at once, skip to the next thing, to the next, to the next, and before I knew it I'd be in bed wide awake at midnight or I'd be paralyzed by thoughts at 9am.
CONNECTED - It's not all bad. I was able to stay connected to my friends without feeling intrusive via a text or call. I could send them a hilarious meme, ask if they were going to a certain event, or just carry a conversation that would leave me thinking deeper about life. I could see pictures of their trip to Italy without them having to send me pictures directly, see how the last Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu tournament went, or just send them some positive comments about their accomplishment that's important to them. What seems dumb to you is important to them, sometimes a quick "good job!" goes a long way. But really, who cares about hobby horse riding (fake horses)? Apparently, a lot of people.
INFORMED - A free event happening downtown with food trucks, music, and lawn games? Hell yeah! A martial arts technique that plays into your game? Hell yeah! A cheap deal to travel across the country? Hell yeah! A list of all-you-can-eat restaurants in your area? HELL YEAH! BANANA BREAD AT WORK, DUDE?! HELLLLL YEAAAAH! The list goes on. It's whatever applies to you, but there's endless information on social media... for better or for worse.
NARCISSISM - Obsession with self is not healthy. We're all posting ourselves, posting our thoughts, our lives, our experiences and in the game of comparison, we're trying to make it seem as dazzling as possible. We curate our own posts to shift everyone's perception of our reality and show only our best side. Authenticity and openness are less abundant in everyone's race to gain the most likes.
My General Experience WITHOUT Social Media...
CALM - Damn. "Social media doesn't have that big of a control over my life." Yes. Yes it did. I had no idea how much input I was taking in until it was gone. I'm scared to check the screen time on my phone. How can my higher-self talk to me if I can't hear him over everyone else? Being off social media is like being in the middle of a snow globe and it's finally settling. It makes me think that "anxiety" is that higher-self trying to get through to us. He or she is being suffocated with too many other thoughts that aren't your own. Once there's less noise, his or her message can be clear as day. Ahhh, anxiety-be-gone!
TRUE TO MYSELF - What did I want to do today? What do I want to do tomorrow? What do I want to eat? What do I want to write about? Where do I feel like spending my time? When jumping from social to social, I'm constantly bombarded by "ads." They're not really ads, but they're messages about someone else's thoughts, opinions, activities, accomplishments, favorite spots, etc. When I started listening to myself exclusively when I had these questions, I found myself doing more and finding greater fulfillment from it. More martial arts, more energetic practice, more writing, more creating, more quiet.
NO FOMO - Simple - it's less voices in your head. There's no secret to this. Sure, you may "miss" something, but you didn't know it happened so who cares?
PRODUCTIVE - Without the ability to pick up my phone and delve into easy, endless entertainment, I was more disciplined about my work. Whether the work was creative, for my clinic, or something as simple as cleaning the room - everything got done without interruption.
OUT OF THE LOOP - People would make references to something a friend posted, or tell me they would send me something, or talk about something happening and I was clueless. You know what? I didn't really care. I felt free of it. What was happening was right in front of me, which made me far more...
PRESENT - If you were talking to me, I was right there listening. If we were engaged in an activity, that's all that was happening. If I was staring at the wall, that wall had my full attention. Since the amount of input had been dropped to a more minimal amount, my baseline for focus was tighter, like the barrel on a sniper rifle as opposed to a shotgun. The quality of life, moment to moment, was (and is) better.
What's Next?
I have a stance on alcohol, for myself. There's something within me that can drink, and drink, and drink and just keep the party going. I can wake up tomorrow and do it again. The genes that I was born with allow for me to have some sort of weird ability to be fueled by alcohol. The same goes for sugar. The same goes for pizza. The same goes for video games. The same goes for sex. But the same goes for martial arts, writing, reading, cleaning, video editing... the list goes on. To fully abstain would still give the substance or activity would give it the control. The only one that should have control over me... is me.
It's an addictive personality. Simple as that. When I'm in a "mode," I'm full send. There's this switch that allows me to go down the deepest rabbit holes and never come out. These rabbit holes can be productive, they can be destructive, or they can be time sucks that yield nothing positive or negative (besides the lost time). What I found is that, in order to be in full control of my life, I must be in control of all the things that can take hours of my time. I'll rationalize with "one more ______, and then I'll stop." : insert drink, slice of pizza, or multiplayer match. When I hear this, I realize that I'm caught in my own desperate trap to avoid the next thing. I like being in whatever "mode" I'm in, I don't want to shift gears.
Social media has its' negatives, but it also has its' positives. It's a free advertising platform for personal and business life. You can educate others on your life - what you've learned along the way, how to beat the system, how someone else can shift their mind to become a better version of themselves, or advertise the best pizza joint in town. You can start your own business and get the word out just by putting out posts, sharing, and asking others to share. You can connect with a beautiful soul on the other side of the planet and create some sort of storybook friendship and more. You can create the next viral meme that slingshots you to stardom. The opportunities truly are endless.
But the same goes for the negative. You can lose yourself, your mind, and your well-being if you delve too far down the rabbit hole. Just like all the positives with social media, and the negativity has a stronger suction. Getting caught up in politics, a new villain of society, or a bias piece of information that serves your opinion. There's a lot of nonsense on socials, and it can pull you in with ease. Cultivation of positive energy can be like climbing a mountain pulling others with you... while negativity can be like being sucked into a tornado and pulling others with you. Drama, politics, complaining vs. learning/educating, creativity, cheering on your fellow humans - how will you use your time?
Moderation, Discipline, Consistency
Moderation - We need the ability to moderate our social media experiences. You can scroll forever. There's nothing that tells you that you've seen everything for the day and tells you to go touch grass. Go on socials, say hi to your friends, check in on them briefly, post something that's uplifting, learn something cool, then put it away for the day. According to Schrodinger's Cat - these people actually don't exist, nor do the places or experiences you're watching. It never happened. But the people, places, and experiences that you physically sense DO exist. Put your attention and energy into them, not the phone.
Discipline - It's easy to get caught in these loops, to jump into the vortex of social media and check up on people you haven't seen in years. Oh wow, they hung out with so and so, oh she looks great, oh that looks delicious... WAKE UP! You're getting sucked in. We must be disciplined about our thoughts and aware of where they are headed. Meditation helps build the muscle of awareness to your thoughts and emotions, which is a real-life superpower. A couple minutes a day goes a VERY long way. But your goal is...
Consistency - It's easy to "allow" yourself a few extra minutes one day, and then the next, and the next, etc. It's a slippery slope. The second you let your discipline wane the addiction can pull you in. "One more drink," "One more slice," "One more game," ... it's all the same category. Your iPhone has the ability to set a time limit on apps. Set it for 30 minutes and see how much your life drastically changes. Even if you decide to break the limit (which you can), you'll at least be AWARE of how much time you've spent on social media. The time limit can also help keep you accountable.
Me?
I'm coming off my week-long timeout. Between the time of being away from all socials (Facebook has a great marketplace I've missed out and I don't have everyone's phone number on Instagram) and writing this piece, I realized all the steps I need to take to keep social media a tool I use and not to be a victim of their vortex. They are tools to share and spread the good things, like this piece or my YouTube videos.
You?
Set an alert for a week from now. Take a full 7 days off from all of the social media platforms - Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, Dating apps. See how your life changes, how you're affected, and then come back with a fresh mindset. It's not permanent, it's a short reset. From now on, this will be my method of reclaiming my life and I'd recommend it to everyone. That... and touching grass.
With that being said... hit up my socials @krisoakey !!! Or send me an email, or leave a comment, or send me a letter. I love letters. If you do, I'll put it up on my fridge. <3