Fear. It serves as a tool to deter us from harm, from danger, to preserve our lives. See a massive bear in the woods? Instant fear and impulse to run at light speed in the other direction. If it's brown, you should lay down. If it's black, fight back. It's a good way for you to behave correctly when you see a bear... and to survive. Or not.
Sometimes the ego gains a little too much power. You start to create irrational fears around things that aren't actually dangerous. Scared to go to the gym - a place to get healthy? Scared to sign up for a new Dungeons and Dragons club - a place for board games? Scared to talk to that pretty girl across the bar - the one that seemingly can't stop looking at you? Scared to apply for that job that you've wanted - the one that has room for growth and could support you and your family?
These fears aren't real, they're not rational, and they're not helpful. They're made up. WE made these up. We've created some bullshit story to protect our ego from the judgement of others. Here's a quote I heard a LONG time ago that has resonated with me since...
"It's not your business what other people think about you." - Unknown
Makes sense, doesn't it? It's everyone's right to think whatever they want to think. They can think you're awesome, they can think you're a dope, they can think you're handsome (aww shucks). Whatever they want to think is their right. People are so wrapped up in their own narrative they don't have time to judge your actions. Keep that in mind the next time your ego tries to talk you out of doing that thing outside of your comfort zone.
For instance, today I filmed a video of myself while walking through Providence before I went to get coffee. Oddly enough, I was WILDLY nervous to do this. "What are other people thinking of me?" "I look ridiculous." "I look like a narcissist." What insanity. Reading this as I write it makes me feel like such a hypocrite. All these videos, all these posts about self-belief and positivity but yet, I was the first one to shit on myself and my aspirations to grow. Sadly, I know I'm not alone.
This was practice. I started a project in which I'm posting a daily video for the next 100 days. Well, the next 92 days. I'm already up to #8. With dreams and aspirations to go aboard and document the entire thing, this is a process I'm going to have to get used to. I'm going to have to get comfortable with filming myself around others, just like all those other YouTube content creators that I follow. Today was day 1 of practice. We're going to continue to film in public for the next 92 days. I got comfortable filming and posting from the solace of my car, but it's time to grow. "But what if people don't like my videos?" Here's another saying that we need to sit with...
"You shouldn’t be afraid of rejection, but you should be terrified of regret." - Deshauna Barber
This is the same as talking to the girl across the bar that you keep catching eyes with. Are you going to actually talk to her or you going to keep talking yourself out of it? We've probably all gone home and said "I wish I talked to her." I know I have. One thing that I have become more comfortable with is embracing that fear. Sitting at home, eating leftovers at 2am thinking about how you "shoulda, woulda, coulda" talked with her is far worse. It's such a feeling of defeat. The true victory is over yourself, just getting your ass up and having the conversation. You can only control the outcome so much, but you can control your energy, your actions, and your words. If it's a match, hooray, but if it isn't - YOU KNOW. I would always rather know, than to live with a question mark above my head like a video game NPC.
In short, overcoming fear isn't about making a ton of posts about it, making a dream board, or putting a shock collar around your ankle... it's really about taking action. It's about having a zest for life, belief in self, and ignoring the critics - even your own.
We have the voice of an artist and the voice of a critic. The critic is the one that will kill more progress and growth than rejection could. Just like filming a video in public today, the critic's voice had no right to give any input. Had the video been complete and we were in the editing phase, maybe then he could have given some constructive criticism. That's part of the problem too - we can be so brutal to ourselves. We've got to have a little bit more compassionate and talk to ourselves with some love. Would you walk over to a 3-year-old fingerpainting and call his work of art "dogshit" and then crumple it up and feed it to him? If you answered yes to this, you've either got a high bar for finger-paintings or you've got some weird hate for babies. Who hurt you, dude?
When we start to create, we're exposing our deepest selves to the world. When we open up and show our authentic selves, we're raw... we're vulnerable. There's a strength that comes with opening up more and more, just like if you went to the gym and lifted weights. You'll get stronger in that motion. It's the same when you're creating art and putting it out for the world to see - your ability to withstand criticism gets stronger. The more you do it, the less you hear it and the less you care. The more you do it, the less the critic has any power over the creator; including the one within your mind.
Conclusion
Fear is bullshit. It should be a fleeting feeling, a fleeting thought, a fleeting impulse. It's then your job to understand what that fear is and then either validate it or send it into the abyss. If you need to be fearful of a black bear coming at you, the impulse is to run. "Black - fight back." Fear validated; the bear is dangerous. Your course of action is then to make yourself large, grab a blade/gun/stick and start acting like a lunatic that will tear it limb from limb. Your life depends on it, think you'll act accordingly?
If you succumb to the fear of talking to every pretty girl you see, you're likely to be very alone for a very long time. It's a muscle that you need to exercise. Atrophy isn't just a lacking of the physical; it's mental and emotional too. We need to feel that very real fear and then overcome it. Otherwise, how will you ever meet the girl of your dreams? How will you ever make new friends? How will every travel to the world and document the entire thing for everyone to see if you can't film in public?
Either you will embrace the challenge or you will run from it. If you overcome, you grow. If you run from it, you shrink. The choice is yours. Just like the situation with the black bear - your ONE life depends on this; how will you choose?