As the nibble of the mushroom started to set in, initially it felt like a warm blanket being pulled over me on the inside. My tongue felt a little strange and there was a quantum hug wrapping its' arms around me. This hug isn't like a "C'mere honey, let me hold you" kind of hug. It's more like a "You're loved by the universe/Tao/God/Spaghetti-Monster regardless of what's going on in this realm" kind of hug. Knowing that you are loved by the universal presence, it gives you a little more freedom to feel what's going on in the here-and-now, which in the grand scheme is this physical body. To me, today, on Saint Paddy's day... I felt sadness.
Now, I'm not sad that I feel sadness, it's just what I'm feeling. I'm okay with that, as anyone should be. It's our job to recognize what we're feeling so that we can process it. On Friday I was laid off from my project management job. Now, I certainly won't miss it, but I will miss the security it brought me. I didn't have to sweat where I was going to make a paycheck from, I didn't have to sweat how to be productive with all that time from 9-5 Monday through Friday. And I was able to use it as that excuse for why I wasn't pursuing all the big things I want in life. The level of procrastination that comes with comfort is ... uncomfortable. Oh the ironing. It's so easy to settle into a job you don't like because it takes up all your time, energy, and compensates you with a paycheck on Friday. Then you have 2 days to unwind, get your chores/errands done, and do a little bit of socializing before you're "back to the grind."
Sunday scaries? Not anymore. What will come forth on Monday morning (tomorrow) will be some Monday Monotony. We'll wake up when we wake up. We'll do Qigong without having to rush to be at the office. We'll make coffee and do some writing. We'll get some exercise in. We'll apply to jobs that we may or may not want. We'll clean, cook, and read. There's going to be a lot of catching up on things that have been pushed off because "there's not enough time" or I'd rather "do it next weekend." Now the weekends and weekdays are all the same to me... and I like this.
Today I've spent my morning shaking off my hangover (HAPPY SAINT PATRICK'S DAY!), cleaning, deciding today was for creativity and not exercise (my conscious now says "Why not both?"), and cafe hopping. At Cafe #3 today, drinking copious amounts of coffee to outrun whatever bullshit Monday is bringing. That's the fun thing about time; we can't outrun it. Time is coming for us all. No matter how many cups of coffee I decide to drink, no amount of caffeine jitters will stop the clock. I've tried.
There's mixed emotions here - excitement to move at my own pace, paired with fear of distraction. Confidence that I'm finally ready to do everything that I'm meant for, followed with fear that maybe I'm not. Dumb enough to go for it all, while smart enough to see how it could all go wrong. Being a self-aware human is such a wild ride... you're simultaneously in the know of everything your're capable of and your own bullshit that can pull you down.
This cup of coffee is the one that says that we WILL overcome it all, that we WILL succeed... and success simply means that we WILL do it. Whether or not that "it" will fail, that's not the point. The point is that we're going to do "it." Your "it" will be different than anyone else's... and don't let your mind tell you any different. "Oh, it's already been done." Yeah, that's true, but it wasn't done by YOU with YOUR personal touch, with your life experience, with your perspective. Go do it. Life will be past you soon enough, did you live in it?
My "it?" This... you're seeing it. One blog post a week. It's going to be consistent. You'll have it in your inbox by Sunday evening, pinky swear. That means regardless of whether I'm going traveling for a weekend, I'm insanely busy, whatever.. there's no excuses. The professional figures it out, right? We don't make excuses. We get that shit done regardless of the circumstances. Play that shit as it lies.
The laptop broke? Work on the desktop. The computers are both dead? Get it done on your cell phone. No working devices? Go to a library. What I'm realizing is it's now do-or-die. There's no more time to "do it later," no more second chances. I've lost it all and on the other hand - I've gained it all.
Lost my fiance, lost my home, lost my job... but I've gained EVERYTHING. I'm now a free man in every sense of the word. I can romantically intermingle with any female out there (what's up ladies wink), I can live anywhere on the planet (Ireland, Okinawa, Thailand, Australia, or New Zealand? ...or all of the above?), I can do whatever I'd like with all my time. I'm free. But with freedom comes discipline. Discipline to make sure my work is done, discipline to make sure I'm pulling money into my bank account, discipline to continue to serve my fellow human, discipline to make sure that I'm continuing to improve myself for each market I reside in.
Whatever your "it" is, go do "it." I have my many stokes in the fire... this one I'll reveal to you. One at a time. The others are still cooking and they're not ready for revelation. Please understand that this is a celebration of the freedom. Please save pity for those that need it. Give me the "HELL YEAH!" or the "LET'S FUCKING GOOOO!!'s" or "BUY ME A COFFEE!! (please!). Just like when we turned 18 and the world was ours, we were responsible for this freedom of choices. I was kicked out of the office to go do bigger and better things. A lot of us are meant for more than what we're currently doing and we're just too scared to step into it. Accept the risk, accept that it is scary to do it all alone, but just know that you're going to be okay. To try and fail is better than to have never tried at all.
Get after it. Happy Sunday. Happy Saint Patrick's Day. Harness your inner "luck o' the Irish." I need more coffee. Or perhaps a Guinness...
PS - You can support me on my website (https://krisoakey.com/) by signing up for my emails and/or buying me a coffee. OR by going to https://www.buymeacoffee.com/oakey and signing up there... and buying me a coffee. Thanks for reading!