It's okay. It's OKAY. It's okkkkkkkk.
4 months. FOUR MONTHS. FOUR MONTHS SINCE I POSTED ANYTHING! AAAAAAAAAAH!
Guess what? No one cares. No one gives a shit. No one was tapping on my shoulder asking when I was going to put something out. The only person that felt like he was letting someone down was me. Every day there was this thought that I should be putting something out there. I should be writing when I go to bed. I should write a book. I should do this, do that, blah blah blah.
But why? Why would I be posting when even I wasn't that enthusiastic about it? Because I "should" do it? I should also be eating my broccoli but I'll pass for now.
There's a saying about "distance makes the heart grow fonder." That is 100% applicable to this situation. From the day that I was laid off from my job up until recently, I had zero will to be writing. It just felt like I should be doing it. The feeling that was more pressing was that I should be living. What is there to write about when you're not doing anything? If you're just moping around, who the fuck wants to read that? Who the fuck wants to hear it? Who wants to see it?
NO ONE.
So let this be a declaration, just like Slim Shady - I'm Back.
Passion reignites after time.
But let it also be a message you can resonate with - IT'S OKAY to take a break. No one is going to be as hard on you as you will be. That's the important part. If you need time to recover, to build up the momentum again, to just "exist" - then fucking do it. No one is going to be upset with you, no one is going to tell you what to do, no one is going to think less of you.
Remind yourself - it's ok. It's just a BREAK. I guarantee you, that if you love it, you will be back. There's going to be this spark that resides deep within you and you're going to wake up one day with that passion, that flame, reignited. That's exactly what happened this morning. After a brutal day of training yesterday, I slept in this morning, skipped most of my morning routine and felt a fire lit under my ass. "I would LOVE to do some writing today!" That's when you'll scrap your original plans just to do something that you love, something that excites you, something that is innately YOU. I've been in this coffee shop for the past 3 hours just writing. I did NOT expect this flow state, but here we are.
In the time that I have NOT been publicly writing, my time and energy has been spent making other things happened. I finished my first year of Medical Qigong school. I then opened a clinic in the heart of Providence. I've started to spread the knowledge and help others through energetic medicine... and the changes I've seen have been PROFOUND. I've spent more time exercising and training martial arts - getting back to my roots. I've spent more time contemplating my actions instead of just taking action. I've spent more time thinking about what I actually want in this life and less time chasing things I only thought I've wanted. I traded my beloved desktop computer that I built over the course of 8 years for a really nice laptop so that I can be more mobile. If you don't like the life you're living, then fucking change it.
I've really enjoyed having this new space to conduct energetic medicine working with and meeting other holistic doctors. It's been really nice to take back control of my time to exercise, meditate, sleep, and travel more. You see, when you're insanely busy chugging along and trying to do entirely too much for other people, you can't think clearly. How can you hear your true higher self if you're going 8 different directions within the mundane? Protip: You can't.
The past year has been a tough one. Transition, transition, after transition. That's all that keeps happening. This is what happens when you're trying to live a life that wasn't meant for you. The more you connect with your higher self, the more transition that will happen until you're where you're on the path you were meant to be on. I was finally able to quiet the outside world, to calm my mind enough to hover above the mundane and here I am. I can hear my higher self and I (hopefully) know where I should be. And if I'm wrong, I guess I'll just keep transitioning. And it'll all be fine.
So here's my final message to you for today. Quiet down. Slow down. Give yourself some time, space, and energy to unravel. If you find yourself unhappy, that shit comes from within. You can't blame those around you. They're only a reflection of your own happiness or lack thereof. You're going to cry. You're going to question it all. You're going to get mad. You're going to have days of "unproductivity." You may lash out at some people you love. You may drink too much. You may eat too much. Shit's going to go off the rails for a bit. But guess what?
It's going to be okay. It always is.
You're going to get where you need to be. Everything that happens will happen for a reason. You may not know until it's well behind you, but it's happening for a reason.
Regardless, I'm back and I'm happy to be here. I'm grateful. Take your breaks when you need them, build the momentum and the desire to be here. Then be here 100%.
Ask yourself - Do you love it? Are you doing it to stay busy or because you feel purpose? Do you feel burned out? Is this your calling? Is this your best way to help the world and people around you? If not, it's time to take some action... or to STOP taking action.
You are the creator of your own universe. Why not create one that you love being in the center of? Attract and manifest, you silly bitch.
With all the love and support,
-Kris