So I keep harping on about #NonJudgement
This is a very practical suggestion and more will become clear as, I hope, we learn together.
This practice is suggested in a variety of therapies and spiritual practices as well #NotReligious #NotSpiritual #ItsAPractice
And philosophies too. #Existentialism and more
Because of the way trauma works in the brain, and the subconscious and unconscious mechanisms in the mind, we're often not fully present and objective enough to see things clearly. This also affects our ability to communicate effectively.
This often results in misunderstanding - best case scenario. And war - worst case scenario. It also makes us easy to manipulate!
Ruiz mentions it in his "The Four Agreements" - a simple 4 step list of suggestions on how to "keep calm and carry on".
Ruiz: "Don't take things personally"
The Buddhist philosophy uses it to share how to stay present - we can't know if anything is "good" or "bad" when it happens because we can't possibly know the final outcome of the situation. So judging things as "good" or "bad" is a waste of enjoying the present moment / dealing with it effectively.
Eckhart Tolle wrote whole books on it.
The more religious perspectives all mention it in their suggestions as well.
It goes on... and on.
CBT therapy also uses this approach, interestingly enough.
CBT suggests that we rather step back, if someone upsets us, and choose to believe that they are not intentionally trying to hurt us. First.
There are many ways to get to where you may want to be.
Each person is an individual and will find their own way of getting there. This is my perspective. And it's why I don't (or try not to) judge. Nor do I adhere to any particular therapy, spiritual or religious perspective. To each their own. Always.
I found that there are common suggestions and practices in all of these, however.
And for good reason, as it turned out.
So it's pointless arguing about who and what is "right". I'd suggest folks find what resonates and fits with them, personally, and do that. And when that stops working... try another possibility to keep learning and progressing.
I've used almost every therapeutic and some spiritual practices at different stages of my journey. And they ALL worked. At different times and for different things. And for different reasons.
To address different situations and reactions that arose.
The next book I'm trying to write (This Is Perfect) is to share some stories about the philosophies and practices that worked for me. And why and how they worked. And why they worked, or didn't work, at different points in my recovery.
I think this may help some people try some different practices, to ease some of their stress and perhaps grow personally, as well. And to shed some light on what may be useful for them to try. And when.
I think it may assist them more expediently than sticking with only one approach. I mean, since we're all different and have different experiences, environments and subsequent perspectives, it seems unlikely that one particular therapy or approach to treatment would fit us all.
Doesn't it?
In fact... I suspect that's why so many people never fully recover.
But back to the first suggestions for the practice of NeoTherapy.
NeoTherapy because I am not a psychologist, doctor or therapist. I am a certified recovery assistant, yes. But I mentor/sponsor only. I chose to not study further in mainstream facilities and to stick with a more alternative, holistic approach for personal reasons.
In addition, most of the information, tools and skills I accumulated were freely gifted to me.
This worked far faster, for me, than any paid for therapy I tried. And I've also found, personally, that offering what I gained freely - as paying it forward/service - works far better and far faster for other people as well. I have my own thoughts on why this is so but, as I like to say, that's another story.
Or part of the story, I hope.
NonJudgement
Removing judgement is an amazing skill, that creates space for people to engage more curiously and objectively with both themselves and each other. And to probably find some common ground and understanding.
Now...when we're triggered into the Fight/Flight Stress Response we move into "survival mode" and are unable to think objectively and critically. We run on impulse alone.
And often we're actually in the Fight/Flight stress response but are totally unaware of it! I'll explain more about this later.
I've learned that I had to move slowly and get the foundations solidly in place for any kind of (hopefully) transformational experience. If you don’t have solid foundations you can end up going in circles, wasting time and not actually progressing. You may end up only managing stress/anxiety/depression instead of (possibly - and this depends on how determined you are) “fixing” it.
Theory and such won’t do the work for you.
I can’t do the work for you either, sadly.
The only way you're going to see if what I do, to stay calm under pretty much any circumstances, will work for you - is if you try it yourself. Of course. Nobody can know what's “true” for them until they put things into action and test them on their own.
I think the days of blindly trusting things are coming to a swift end with the way things are unfolding on the internet. We just know too much now, really.
So.
1. Practice Non-Judgement today if you’re curious to give this a go, please
Did that person say something that made you angry?
Is that person driving like an idiot?
Was that thing that you said "stupid"?
Is that person being to loud/demanding/rude?
Every time you find that your "cool" is ruffled, you will be in a place of judgement. It's pretty interesting to learn to observe this with some curiosity.
Like this, please.
2. Please start checking in with your nervous system as often as you can, to see how your body FEELS.
Did you have a convo with someone and walk away with nervous butterflies in your stomach?
Did you take that phone-call and suddenly get a headache?
Did you open that email and found your heart began to pound?
Did you read that post and suddenly feel nauseous?
Like this, please.
There are types of trauma that are very subtle. And, as I said, sometimes we aren't even aware we have trauma or are in the Fight/Flight Stress reaction.
This is how I began to figure out what my triggers were, by the way.
It’s not hey-shoo-wow anything magical or mysterious.
What I share are practical and logical action based tools and skills to get to know yourself and manage "life". Along with some philosophy that I found was beneficial to my resilience, a more balanced perspective and keeping on - despite anything life threw my way.
Checking in with your nervous system is how you're going to learn to observe your Stress Reaction on the fly. And then to manage it on the fly. And then, hopefully, to alleviate a lot of the unnecessary triggers for good.
You may also find it pretty interesting to begin to observe.
Have a great day.
...
Oh... I must add. Some of the content I share mentions illegal substances etc. I'll mark such as "Mature Content" as they are necessary, at times, to explain things.
I advocate a totally drug and alcohol (which is a drug, really) free life-style.
But again... I don't judge other people's personal choices.
Please feel free to ask away in the comments. And please don’t be shy or awkward. I won’t judge you!
We're all only human, you know. Or fully human. Even better.
And THIS is “perfect” !
#NeoTherapy
#IAmNotATherapist
#ThisIsPerfect
Please keep on keeping on.
Recovery is possible.
Originally posted on Deso - where you can find the main NeoTherapy Experience Feed in real time.
The information and suggestions I share are not to be used in place of professional medical advice, support groups or specific therapies.
Please do not come off any prescribed medication without the guidance and support of a trained professional.
Please do not step away from any programs of treatment or support groups without the guidance and support of a trained medical professional.