I honestly have no emotional resources to write a post right now, but it has to be done. It'll be brief and probably dry cause I am tired like you wouldn't believe.
So on June 13, a russian Caliber missile was shot down over Odesa and its debris fell on a business center building 600 meters away from my home. Yes, it was very loud and very scary, yes, I'm fine, my loved ones are fine. Still, three people died and 26 were injured in that attack.
The windows of my apartment were forced open by the power of the shockwave, but thankfully the glass did not break.
I spent all day yesterday with either one friend or another, everyone wanted to support me and make sure I was OK.
Also, because the explosion was so massive, one of my parakeets got so scared he started vomiting. He felt worse and worse all day yesterday, and I spent all day today doing everything in my power to try and make him feel better because he couldn't eat. He would try to eat a seed and would immediately vomit. I can't tell you if he's any better right now, he is resting for the day, and we'll continue the treatment tomorrow, but I have been worried sick.
Fuck russia.
I did go to the explosion site (again, cause it's basically one block away from my house), and I took some pictures, and I thought it would make me feel somehow different seeing the destruction for myself, with my own eyes.
No, I did not feel anything new. Nothing changed inside me, no big revelations happened. Just another terrorist act.
They attacked Odesa again this night with drones this time. My poor bird and I did not get any sleep. I was sitting basically pressed against his cage, playing some calm music for him so it would hopefully drown out the sound of explosions and I was terrified that something would hit close to my house again, and he'll die.
Below are the pictures I took. Not some Internet photos, my own pictures from my phone, the thing that I witnessed personally. I don't know why I took them. I hoped it would make the reality sink in, like, I would prove to myself that it actually happened to me. But it has been happening to me for a year and a half. Seeing this did absolutely nothing, I felt nothing new. Just the same sorrow and pain I've felt all along. Yes, russians are terrorists, yes, they are trying to kill me, yes, it could have been my apartment instead of a business center. Turns out it was something I knew all along.
This is the business center. I remind you, these are the consequences of just the DEBRIS of a rocket falling on it. Do you think hiding behind two walls would save me from this? 
In the back you can see a residential building. Imagine the number of dead if it hit that building instead. 
This is a mall. The top floor had a "museum of interesting science", an entertainment/educational place where kids could learn about the fascinating world of physics and chemistry. You can take a virtual tour of a place that no longer exists here. The ground floor had a grocery store that always had the brand of olives I liked. A little to the left from this spot is MacDonald's that I was in a week ago.
Across from all of it is a university. A huge building with zero windows. 
So there. I know I sound like a broken record by now, but I am so tired. There are planes again somewhere in russia flying towards the border with Ukraine. An air raid will start in between 2 and 3 am, and I will have to watch the sunrise from the floor of my hallway again. But I know these tantrums are a result of our military successes we don't know about yet, sue to the operational silence program. So get fucked, russia.