Well, I think I am clawing my way out of the exhaustion hole. I am not fully rested and well yet, but at least now, when I am resting, I actually feel it; it's not just lying down and feeling endlessly exhausted; it's restful.
The controversial decision to turn off air raid alerts turned out to be good. Sometimes an unexpected BOOM startles me enough to feel adrenaline rush in a tingling wave all over my limbs, but it's better than constant tension and waiting for sounds of explosion, sounds of air defense, whizzing of missiles, and buzzing of drones. It's a bit of a gambling game with fate, but... It's been four years. Four years, people. Four years of constant vigilance. Instead, I now sleep through the nights; my brain and body actually get a chance to rest and recover, even if they do it at a certain risk. But then, again, living in Ukraine is a risk in itself.
I started reading books, and I picked back up crochet (I've crocheted since childhood, and I can do it hours on end; it's so meditative for me: your hands are busy and your mind is free as you follow the pattern of whatever you're working on). I am also painting more consistently; I have time, energy, and desire to put effort into trying new patterns, colors, techniques... It's all progress, small, but progress.
On Monday, I am leaving for a week off in Western Ukraine. My boss invited me to stay at the retreat she's running. I'll be able to just stare at the mountains and the plants and nature, and do nothing, think of nothing. It was so generous of her, and I am very grateful to know I'm surrounded by such kind, thoughtful people, including all of you. I have high hopes for this week. I am packing some sketchbooks, markers, and charcoal pencils, a book to read, and some yarn to crochet stuff.
Also, last week I ran into some friends at the beach (my second outing to the beach this year. It's criminal, considering I live a 15 min walk away), and they almost talked me into teaching them dance. I used to be a dance teacher and performer, did I ever tell you? I stopped when COVID hit, and never had the urge to return, so I thought I was done with that chapter. But they unearthed something long forgotten, and now I'm thinking... maybe...
But that's all for "after the trip". I really need this break to reset my brain.