Yesterday I went to the beach for the first time in years. Just on the way there I was already so excited my heart was pounding, and when I finally sat down on the sand I felt so happy I wanted to cry. It was something so normal from days before the invasion and even before covid that I barely remembered what it felt like. It is still a bit dangerous to go near the water, and the water itself is polluted by god knows what, sea mines sometimes wash ashore and in case of russian attacks the shelters are nowhere near. But I chose to forget all that for the day.
My favorite beach is a half-hour walk from my apartment, and it’s a bit off the touristy area which is why it is never crowded. It is hidden in a little lagune (hence the name of the beach - Laguna) covered by rocks, and it’s always very clean plus the sea mines will have lesser chance to get into said lagune area. I heard the sounds of air defence either conducting exercise or shooting down a recon drone as soon as I settled, and it was a doze of the usual “hit by the contrast” feeling.
I was so overwhelmingly happy wandering into water, feeling sand on my feet! I brought a book with me but I couldn’t calm down long enough to read it. I was just happy and grateful. My mind cannot comprehend the amount of effort and sacrifice that went into that quiet day I had, how many people lost their lives, lost their freedom, starved into russian prisons, under occupation, cities wiped off the earth... So much loss and suffering, and so much effort by so many people led to this one quiet moment, to this opportunity I got to spend a day at the beach in my own city, that something so simple as feeling the sand between my toes felt like a titanic achievement. And it is, isn’t it? We are fighting for the right to live our lives in peace, and that was that - I was alive, free, and at peace, even to the sound of air defence and air raid alarms that caught me on the way home.
That one restful day, and many restful nights, and every single bit of joy I had in the past years only came into existence because someone protected them with their life. And I will treasure each and every one of them, and then I’ll take that feeling and do all I can to grant it to others.