Adoption, where to start

Adoption, where to start

Apr 11, 2023

There some things that shouldn't be said, but I'll say anyway, just in case:

Adopting a child is The Project of your life.

Nothing will be more important. Nothing will test you and bring you to the limit the way the adoption process does.

So if you ask me where to start, I'd suggest the following:

A child is not something you can return. You can't get tired of it. When you are given a child, you have the responsibility for his mental health, his well being. You are not only a parent. You must be a therapist.

So, spend some months (yes, not days, not time, months!) thinking on what you really want and why are you doing this. Probably your heart is in the right place, as well as your intentions, but:

  • Do you want to be a parent just because everybody does?

  • Do you need to have a baby?

  • Do you want to adopt a child to make your partner happy?

  • Do you want to adopt a baby because you are bored of how your life is and you don't know what to do with it?

If any of this question's answer is "yes", then reconsider what you are getting into. I'm sorry if I'm being harsh, but when someone adopts a baby, it's a human being that you are bringing home. There must be something else there to go down that road.

And you might wonder, how about you?

Me? I wasn't prepared. And I tried to prepare myself! I read books, talked to specialists, took months of interviews but this was way beyond my understanding. Happily enough, my answers to those questions were all "no".

I wanted to be a father, share my life, my knowledge (for as limited as it can be) with a little person. Play with him, enjoy good moments, go through rough times and watch him grow as a wonderful person. But I can't have children. So my wife and me talked and decided that we didn't actually need our child to have our genes, our blood. There are way too many children that need parents in this world to bring another one cooked in a clinic. Excuse me for such depiction, I respect people that does this but it's not for me, and that's how I feel it: Loveless, cold and sterilized... We would be parents for a kid, and a kid would be our son, at some point...

In resume, where to start? Ask yourself what do you really want and why. Read books about the matter, talk to adopting parents and after that, if you feel that adoption is your way, go for it!

I have promised myself not to leave a post with a negative feeling so I'll add something:

Studying, preparing ourselves (me and my wife), putting a lot of conscience on what we were going to do, made us get closer, better as a couple and become a freaking totem stuck deep in the earth, prepared for whatever comes. We make the other better. And now with our son here, we feel stronger than ever... well... also more tired than ever as well!

There's a lot more to go through so... See you in the next post?

I really hope so.

Disclaimer: All what I write here is based solely on my experience.

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