I popped onto Twitter the other day, scrolled through my timeline a bit, and within a few minutes, I ran into three interesting Tweets:
“Stop disturbing women you’re not ready for”
“Men be like “I’m different” then be a different type of disappointment”
“When you first meet a man that fake version of him be so fire”
Why does it seem like everyone is always on the same page at the same time? I often stumble upon things that precisely correspond with the thoughts I'm currently having. Do I seek it? Or they just find me?
Guys are exhausting. Women are too, we all are exhausting at times, but men are a tailor-made, special kind of exhausting. I’ve always been a tomboy and constantly refused to pay a membership to an ‘all men are douchebags’ fan club. Help me out, boys. I don’t want to do this. You’re twisting my arm here.
A guy walks into a bar/restaurant/place and sees light, agreeable, and available. She could be stunning, he doesn’t want it. He sees a challenge. She could be plain, he wants it. It’s totally cool to seek a challenge if you’re doing it with the purpose of getting it—to derive enjoyment from it, to bask and revel in it—rather than attempting it to prove a point.
Once, I came into a restaurant and a guy was stunning, already there, talking to someone light and agreeable, then spent hours trying to get my attention, then the next six talking to me, then the next three texting me, and I wanted to go to sleep but he was all wired up because “I’m an introduction, plot, and culmination”.
I’m a challenge.
Truth be told, I can wake up a dead man with my words, I text like constructing a story, and many times I say things I don’t even fully mean or didn’t even yet discover, just because it sounds good “on paper”.
Men don’t like challenge.
Men like to disturb.
“Stop Disturbing Women You’re Not Ready For”.
You embrace the notion of a challenge when you want to revel in it. You want a woman who is sharp-witted because you enjoy the banter, and banter is the finest form of foreplay. You seek someone who ignites the “fire, excitement, emotion”—as he put it—when you wish to immerse yourself in it.
These types of men aren't seeking a challenge; what they desire is a woman they can unsettle, provoke, and influence to desire something she hadn't even considered. Why do men persistently create and aggravate these situations? Is it because they struggle to feel significant or even alive unless they disrupt a woman's equilibrium? Why is their self-worth so linked to how much they've unsettled a woman, how effectively they've influenced her desires, disrupting her for no discernible reason?
The most harmless man on this planet is a man who just wants to sleep with you. Throughout our lives, we’ve been besieged by parents, society, and friends about the supposed danger of a man who wants to have sex with you. We were thought, or at least I was, to always be wary of a man seeking something physical.
It took years to see how laughable that notion is. Men who are straightforward about wanting to sleep with you, especially those who just want to sleep with you are the most harmless men around. Especially the ones that are honest and upfront about it. They present their intentions clearly, and you can choose to take them up on it, if you feel like it, or decline. I fail to see an issue here.
“When you first meet a man that fake version of him be so fire.”
Conversely, men who have no interest beyond disrupting your life to validate their existence, crafting a “fire” fake version of themselves, precisely tailored to your needs at that exact moment in time are the vilest time wasters in history. Why not just be what you are? You can still attract opportunities or people if you arrive in all the splendor of your incompetence, you’ll just draw the type of women you deserve. There are plenty of women who would appreciate your unique qualities, also known as your particular brand of mess. I get it, disturbing a woman with whom you have no intention or availability is a more entertaining pursuit.
Fear not, there are even greater time wasters in this realm. Those disturbers who actually want to be with someone, but consistently choose women who are stable, capable, successful, and sane, only to maul her with their unique brand of mess. Typically, they rely on crutches such as alcohol, drugs, or pills, lack a concrete career (they have 'projects'), sprinkled with a fondness for jealousy, drama, and overall unease, making them hard to be around.
There is also a celebrity version of a disturber, like that one up there in the picture, the one who throws a drunken fit in an airplane punches his son, grabs his wife by the throat, pours beer on the blanket covering his wife and kids trying to sleep, makes $25,000 worth of damage on a plane, BUT tells his wife - “You’re ruining this family.” Disturbers never aim to be alone or seek a similarly messy partner; rather, they seek out a stable, capable woman while insisting on maintaining their chaotic lifestyle, demanding people around them just tolerate and accept their mess.
“Men be like “I’m different” then be a different type of disappointment”.
Men love to claim being different. The guy from the upper level of this article texted me this in one sitting. In a span of an hour:
That’s why I’m interesting.
You have someone totally different in front of you from everyone you ever met.
I have character, personality power, not everyone has it.
Again, I’m not like other men, but different.
You can say that to normal guys, I’m different.
There are no men like me.
You trying to convince me, or yourself?
What he failed to spend time on in this exchange was—having a wife (we divorced) who still didn’t get that memo and a girlfriend who’s arriving on Monday. He’s different, though, not like anyone I have ever met, and there are no men like him. Did I mention he’s different? He has character. To disturb a woman he’s not ready for, on a Friday, to feel a little bit alive before Monday.
I’m nostalgic for times when men were unbothered, straightforward, and just wanted to have sex. No disturbance, just plain ol’ let’s please each other. I’m used to these. I know how to handle these. It’s those who are trying to squeeze an emotion, a feeling, and a bit of fireworks into a long weekend that lose me.
The pandemic lockdown has given rise to a new breed of men: those who crave attention on social media but have no intentions of engaging in real-life interactions. From 2020 up to now, I've come across stories from various girlfriends about men who text, men who DM, men who send pictures, and men who want to have naughty FaceTime sessions, yet they never take the initiative to meet in person. Their aim isn't even to pursue a physical relationship. They simply need a daily dose of verbal attention. These are digital disturbers who avoid meeting in person to conceal their inadequacies (or impotence). They are not concerned with the fact that they're disturbing a woman's mind and soul for no valid reason other than to feel significant.
I had a girlfriend telling me a story about a guy that flew into her city, they spoke, she suggested dinner, he avoided it, only to send her a dic-pics no one asked for. A man would rather send a pic he expects to be praised and/or admired than meet for dinner, exchange energy, vibes, eat good food, and possibly have sex?
I have the utmost respect for men who articulate their desires and intentions, openly. This category calls upon us, women. When a man tells you he just wants to have sex, this is what he wants. Appreciate the honesty, appreciate a non-disturber. He doesn’t bombard you with sweet words or tell you more than he can chew or how special and different he is, only to turn into a different kind of disappointment, on a different day of the week.
Where women often stumble in this scenario is that if the sex is great, they desire consistency, not in a relationship, but in desire, and that’s also a commitment. Texting you and constantly showcasing a desire for you is a commitment. Sending you pics, responding to you sending him pics, that’s a commitment. I understand your thinking here, you expect the alluring texts will lead to more passion. You convince yourself that you're perfectly fine with just the physical aspect, but you also crave continuous attention—because the sex was great, making you wonder why he doesn't want it all the time. Being constantly attentive is a form of commitment. Regular texting, frequent DMs, and a persistent desire for you imply commitment. And he told you, ahead of time, he doesn’t want one.
Additionally, there's the aspect of “but the sex is amazing”. How is it that he doesn't desire it all the time? The truth is, finding a man who aligns with you sexually is far more uncommon than men finding a sexually compatible woman. Discussing this subject with my male friends spanning two decades, I've come to this realization, and you not going to like it: a good sex for men is essentially anyone who isn't lackluster in bed. Woman is not dead? She moves? Great sex! That amazing sexual experience you shared with him? Chances are, he's had similar great encounters more frequently than you. It's insufficient to make him want to commit, if that’s the only thing he goes by.
If he told you what he wants, that is exactly what he wants.
Men don’t play hard to get.
Disheartening subject, isn't it?
I don’t think so. I see it as a guideline for avoiding time-wasters, a reminder to appreciate non-disturbers, and ultimately a realization that the crucial factor isn't just meeting a guy and having an initial great connection. What matters is what happens afterward. This guy isn't that first impression or the first dinner that was the best you had in a while; he is his actions in the days and months that follow.