I have a hard time with toxic masculinity. To each their own, but the tropes that they quote, almost like biblical verse, do more damage mentally than anything else. I am introverted and reflective. Somebody telling me that my entire existence is to go to the gym, work, couple up and breed, is tantamount to a death sentence for me.
I am completely okay with doing my own thing for the rest of my life. If I find a partner to walk alongside me while I take pictures of raindrops forming on the tips of leaves, that’s cool too, but having a partner is not my end goal in life.
It’s sad though, for every person who preaches masculinity, there is an equally sensitive artist, shaking their head and thinking, “If this is what being a man is, maybe it’s time to become asexual.”
I have the capacity to be an ass, and it’s through the consequences of those actions that I came to realize what it means to be a male in this age of transition from the old world, where brawn was the means to secure one’s future, to the new world, where perhaps philosophers are placed on pedestals and worshipped, not for the way they look or the wealth they have accumulated, but instead for the views they hold.
It’s not anti-man to be sensitive and caring, to allow your partner to order the food that they want to order, or to cry when you see injustice in this world. Daily I am moved to tears to because of videos that come from citizen journalists doing their best to shed life on the injustices that people face in this country and the world abroad.
It creates a little tear-drop-sized hole in my soul, which I then turn into the energy to write about the issues that are the plight of the poor.
Toxic masculinity tells you that if you don’t have wealth, you are inferior. Maybe that’s true; Wal-Mart was out of crystal balls the last time I checked, so I don’t have all the answers. But if you can suspend belief for a moment and realize that wealth creation is not the pinnacle of human existence, the world starts to open up in myriad ways.
It’s through these experiences that I have had that I have witnessed some of the most altruistic acts of humanity that I have ever seen; acts that more often than not go unmentioned. They should not, every act of generosity does not need to be posted all over social media and placed so that your followers can give you kudos for being a decent human.
I think of all my unnamed brothers and sisters out there who daily do unspeakable acts just to survive. It pains me to see them exploited so that someone can turn around and show people how nice of a person they are. There are real social issues at play in this country and around the globe, and all we seem to focus on is who said what, who is engaging in intimate relationships with whom, and what is on TV at any given time.
There is an entire population out there that lives in the streets, hides in the shadows, and lives off the scraps of society. A society that would rather view them as nothing but trash and drains on already overwhelmed systems, rather than taking action to address the underlying issues. It is easier to tear down an encampment “for the greater good” than it is to actually sit down with people and figure out how to help them.
Sometimes, all it takes is an ID and a mailing address, and that one person can start their lives back on a path of security and stability. Acts of kindness should be what we strive for as a nation and world, because kindness is so much better than toxicity.
Originally published on Medium under my name.