I am pretty convinced that people in the United States, perhaps Canada, do not understand what happiness is, me included. If someone was to ask me if I am happy, my response is usually based on not how happy I am, but how unhappy I should be. I think this holds true for most people regardless of age, race, religion, sexual orientation, phase of the moon and whoever is on The Voice. It is a cultural phenomenon, this obsession with the “pursuit of happiness” in the United States. But truthfully (and I think social media is a large culprit here) the “pursuit of happiness” in the minds of Americans is a gross misunderstanding of what unhappiness really is.
There must be social scientists who are hard at work on this.
However, I believe for most Americans, we can point to one big problem to understanding our happiness: we are Americans.
There is a perception that somehow Americans should know what happiness is, because we live in a land of relative peace, relative prosperity, relative lawfulness and a democracy that, for better or worse, works like my old Toro lawn mower. That being that it takes a bunch of effort to get it going, but once working, it is reliable to get the job done. Once that job is done, repeat the whole painful process next week.
Truth be told, I believe that we have never understood what it is like to be unhappy because it has been generations since we all have been truly unhappy. Yes, there are various segments of the population that historically have been abused and had their rights trampled, and still to some measures are being trampled. But by and large, our society is clawing our way forward toward rights for all and even in some cases addressing some of the horrible abuses of the past.
You have to go back to World War II to get a sense of true unhappiness. And here is the point: true universal unhappiness can be equated with universal suffering. When we detect suffering in the world, i.e. Gaza, Israeli hostages and their families, Sudan, Ukraine to name a very few, we react with some sympathy, but we do not react with empathetic acknowledgement of pain. That’s because most Americans have not had to endure such pain.
Nor do we wish to.
So, we are left to acknowledge that we live in a land that universally has very little suffering. This in turn skews our perception of unhappiness vs. happiness.
People clamoring to cross the Rio Grande because of violence in another part of the world? We may sympathize, but to a point. That point where we perceive a threat to our happiness because we don’t understand their suffering. Indeed, Texan governor Greg Abbott shipping people like so many cattle to northern cities may be a godsend: we are faced with their suffering, and it makes us to a small degree suffer when we see them living in tents on our street.
Here Abbott (and other politicians who like to be politically cute) misses the point.
Americans perceive happiness best I believe, when asked to help others. That’s why we see college student encampments for suffering Palestinian civilians. And these same students can sympathize with the suffering of the Israelis who have lost family on October 7th. We can witness the suffering of Ukrainians. (I think most Americans detested the political cuteness caused by delaying the aid for Ukraine and allowing Putin to make them suffer more.)
Don’t get me wrong, Americans can suffer, and when asked to, which in our part of the world these days is being asked to help, will. But that takes leadership to mobilize such a willingness to influence the country universally. Bipartisan leadership.
We are about to reflect on the last time we were universally called to such suffering this Memorial Day. When our grandparents and parents were drafted into uniform or asked to assemble on the assembly line. No one was exempt who could make a difference.
It is interesting to note that one former president, looking at the white marble grave markers in Normandy on a previous Memorial Day, wondered aloud why all these Americans were “suckers” for giving their lives. I truly believe his question was based on his inability to perceive suffering, a condition for which he is not alone. It is a condition for the most part found in people born after 1945 to the present.
Equating happiness with the inability to suffer, he couldn’t comprehend why anyone would choose some suffering.
So, when asked if we are happy, we Americans choose unhappiness to avoid our subconscious acknowledgment of our lack of suffering. Call it a “Happiness Guilt Syndrome,” perhaps. We deny our happiness in order to fit in with what we perceive is the right amount of suffering/unhappiness. That camouflages our privilege--yes, I have a vacation home, but it is such a small, humble one. See how unhappy I am.
And don’t get me started about how our obsession with big successful entertainers adds to the delusion.
The answer to correcting the syndrome lies in our ability to help others. Nationally, we need to address this by bringing back mandatory civil service. We need to point out how each of us can do something here-now, to give us each the power to make such a difference. We need the IRS to send us a breakdown of our taxes, in big colorful graphics to show that not all our money goes to the military industrial complex, but to feed people, educate people and, yes, liberate people from suffering.
That Americans will build a floating pier to feed those in Gaza and perhaps, with the appropriate knowledge and leadership, build a bridge to help those truly escaping despotism across the Rio Grande. We can end homelessness. We can end grocery deserts and offer affordable universities to all.
Perhaps redefining the pursuit of happiness as “the elimination of suffering” would also make more sense. Then we would understand that the pursuit is not a selfish act, but a selfless one that is demanded of all.
Thousands of crosses in Europe make my point.
READ MARTIN'S OTHER POST HERE.