I was busy recording the Evanston Children’s Choir when it happened. I was on location at the Noyes Art Center, when I was putting away my “portable” unit of laptop, microphones and mixer, when I accidentally dropped my “portable” hard drive. Right then, I knew I was in trouble, as the device had been on the blink.
In hindsight, I find it funny that I knew the hard drive was going. And I also knew that it was important, as this hard drive stored my shows, podcasts, all elements relating to the shows and my music as well. Still, I did nothing about it. I sort of just hoped the glitch on the drive, in which it would turn itself on and off, would correct itself.
It didn’t and when I dropped it, that was the final coup de grace in getting it to go to hard drive heaven.
Of course, there is some redundancy in that all my podcasts, videos and shows are up there on YouTube and Buzzsprout. I will probably be able to search and find some of the pictures I have been saving as inspiration for painting. My colleagues (who are slowly and patiently allowing me to finish my songs written during the pandemic) still have those tunes.
But I have to ask myself, why---why did I wait?
Why did I not do anything when something clearly was wrong?
It bothers me as I wonder what else in my life I am just hoping will go away or fix itself? Plenty, it seems these days. Watching the carnage in Gaza, the carnage in Ukraine, the political turmoil…. I just want everything to go away. Fix themselves.
The homeless people, the crime, the lack of faith…if I ignore it, does it exist?
The third glass of wine, the extra portion, the YMCA membership languishing…if I don’t bother, will I be bothered?
The never-ending house chores, the clutter, the front picket fence in constant need of fixing…. I’ll get to it sometime, right?
No, the dead drive is a warning to me about my own complacency. My own wishing that things will take care of themselves somehow. I now start over again with a new drive--that part is easy. But what about all the rest? It is the rest that matters the most. I will hang on to the dead drive, to remind me to be more aware, more in the moment and more accountable to myself and others.
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