Aine missed her first two days of school. On Tuesday, she told me that she was “feeling funny.” At first, I did what most guys do, I hoped that it would all go away. We did go out to get some hotdogs. Perhaps that was what it was, some bad onion, or too much chocolate malt.
By Wednesday she had developed a cough and had a fever that was starting to spike at 103 degrees. Annie kicked into Momma Bear mode and asked me to give her a covid test. I did and she was negative. I decided to take her to an immediate care clinic and so, we drove up to Evanston, donned masks and waited while her nose was swabbed again, this time for flu and strep. Negative.
The doctor was upbeat. “I think she has a virus,” she said. “It should dissipate, and if it doesn’t by Friday, bring her back.”
By Thursday, she was still sick. Now feeling a bit more worn out and coughing hard. Annie gave her a second covid test, which was again negative. We called her pediatrician to find out that she had retired a month ago. So a scramble was now made to find a new doctor and thanks to our friends the Geigers, Annie was able to get an appointment for Friday.
Luckily, I was able to drive her and Aine to the office before heading off on some touring for the weekend.
I hadn’t reached my first gig when Annie called me.
“She had an x-ray and it’s pneumonia.”
“Really?”
Turns out, that there is a rise of cases among children her age in the Chicago area according to her new doctor. Aine was given an antibiotic, and almost immediately that helped break the fever.
I felt fairly anxious, being away from home and knowing that Aine was not well.
It is a powerless feeling.
Once again, Annie was having to administer the care and treatment. I was able to keep in touch by the phone and by Sunday evening, I returned to a child who was back to being a kid, albeit with a bit of a cough.
I was elated but frustrated.
Lately, that feeling of powerlessness seems to be part of my psyche. Powerless about my friends who are suffering from illness. Powerless about the course of action my government is taking. Powerless to end the war in Gaza or Ukraine. Powerless to roll back climate change. Powerless on so many levels.
It takes faith to embrace powerlessness, I realize.
Nothing is truly in any of our hands. Even the most powerful can easily be rendered powerless in a blink of an eye. Therefore, it comes down to how I practice faith--trust in the goodness of the Universe? That God is truly listening?
I realize that the main thing is to fix the things I can.
Donate to help defend the constitution. Donate to help fight injustice in the world. Pick up a trash can and get it to the recycling bin. By myself, it seems to be an exercise in futility. But I realize the other part of faith is having belief in others' goodness. That ultimately, acting in concert, we can change the world. The best tool I have is to use my talent to help. Play music to raise the soul. Paint to inspire the soul. Write to bring understanding to the soul. Nothing is guaranteed in this life. But inevitably, goodness and justice prevail. It takes a lot of faith. And acting in faith is one thing I do have power to do.
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