As I went to bed last night, I looked at the walls of our bedroom. They had been painted about 15 years ago. I thought about that and agonized at time moving by so quickly. At some point, I need to paint these walls again. But that “some point” was probably about a decade ago. If I am lucky, those walls will make it onto the “I need to-do” list that I make every week with a blank sheet of typing paper and a magic marker.
We all have things that we need to do in our lives.
But there are those of us who have the “I must do” in our lives as well.
There are big differences between the two. The former are various projects that may or may not be done over time. The latter, the “I must-dos” are the “big ones”: various goals, ambitions and dreams. Those are the ones that keep me awake at night. They also keep me going.
There are so many things I still wish to accomplish in my life. Goals that for whatever reasons have eluded my efforts to capture them thus far.
I feel that pain that most artists feel when facing the “I must-dos”. So many of my “I must-do” goals will happen if there’s some fortune and luck involved. Art really lies with the fickle hands of the Fates.
That part is the hard part to embrace. Life, I have learned, is not about making sense, but making do with the present. But that requires my patient persistence and a good dose of humility and humor.
Those little “I need to-dos” flutter around my “I must-dos” like so many pesky sparrows in my backyard. A lot of them are seasonal. My summer list is always long. Already I am way behind in getting many of the things I wish to get off that list off that list. And more pop up, like a late afternoon thunderstorm. I notice a gutter is clogged with leaves and make a mental note to get to it before that afternoon thunderstorm. The spruce limb that is leaning on my neighbor's electric line precariously. Fixing the floor in the basement, still unfinished after a freak flood two years ago. And the never-ending painting, replacing rotting wood and painting.
As a working musician, my lot in life is to find the time to fix all these problems as I cannot hire someone as I am a working musician. And truth be told, there’s a great feeling of satisfaction with crossing a project off a list.
Still, sadly, I know I am not alone when it comes to “I must dos.” Most of us have them. And we may or may not achieve them. But I am committed to going down swinging.
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