Lucas on my Mind

I found a photo of Lucas I'd forgotten I had! It's, I think, because for weeks sifting through my photos of him saved on my smartphone was too painful, and so I haven't done that in a long time. Now, after 2 months, it's still painful but manageable without losing it altogether the way I did weeks, or even days, ago. The (hardcopy) album I created of Luke and his life is nearly finished. Though I don't think it'll ever be really finished as it is a sort of work in progress. It's very personal and something strictly between him and myself. Hence the decision to do it as a hard copy rather than on Instagram or on here. Even in this very public age, some feelings and emotions must, in my view, remain private. This though, I will share with you: last night I dreamt of Lucas. It was s very strange dream for I was walking through an unknown city with my former colleague Stephane S. and told him "that I have the best of all worlds by pretending that Lucas is still alive without getting a new dog". It's one of those phrases that can only happen in dreams for it makes no sense at all. Especially not because as I was saying this to my colleague - Lucas was walking right next to me! But it wasn't really him. It was more like his shadow. It was a weird yet very poignant dream, both at the same time. It also kind of reflects my current feelings: Having been determined for weeks to get a new dog ASAP, I now feel that I don't think I'm quite ready for one. It's like I don't want to... mmhhh... foggify the image, my memory of Luke with the reality of a new one. It'll blur my memory of him and I don't want that to happen! Not until I'm done jotting every single memory I have of him down in that album I started! Note: the term "foggify" is my creation. It denotes the process of one image melting with another one until they become undistinguishable