DIARY OF LUCAS

I am not sure this undertaking will help me to ease the pain over the loss my dear beloved Lucas, but it's a try. I simply had to do this as I can't take my mind off him, nor think or do anything else. I think it's called grieving... Looking at him, I'm wondering if I'll ever be able to get over it. Him. Do I even have to? You must understand that when I first saw Lucas, at the dog shelter here in Berlin, he was an absolutely petrified, fearful, neglected, and  distrustful, dog, who had been taken away from his previous owner due to neglect. His coat was full of knots and it was obvious that it hadn't seen a brush - ever! But I saw those eyes, those absolutely spellbinding eyes, looked into them, and I was a goner! To me, Lucas' eyes are still THE single most beautiful "thing" I have ever seen in my whole life, ... Portofino, Paris, and Venice included! So, I took him home. It was immediately evident that he had NEVER been on a lead EVER. And though I was determined to teach him how to walk without one, it was clear, too, that at first he had to be able to walk on a lead before I could take him off it. Once we were home, he was disoriented and unsettled, obviously. He didn't touch his food, and it became clear also, that he wasn't used to dog food, either. His previous owner must have fed him off his plate! Which would also explain the state of his teeth. All that salt. All that sugar! For our first evening walk I opted for the one I used to take with Lucas' predecessor, Manny: a walk around several blocks which always took us about 30 - 40 minutes, depending on how many "messages" there were for Manny to sniff and decipher. With Luke, we were back home after 15 minutes! He didn't even lift his leg. It became clear to me, that Lucas did not only not know how to walk on a lead, had never seen or ate dog food, but he was also totally NOT used to city smells and city noises. Still, it didn't quite yet sink in just yet what kind of a task was upon me. Before that dawned on me there came our first night "together": Lucas was very obviously used to sleeping on a bed, which he jumped onto not to manifest his domination, but because he needed comfort and security. So I let him. He allowed me to cuddle him, though I also soon realised that he wasn't the cuddling kind. I also realised eventually, that in fact, I was the ONLY person allowed to touch him at all! He would snap at other people. A lot! So, more and more it became clear to me that 1. there was a lot of "work" to do, work that could only be accomplished though love and trust by one obviously being strongly linked to the other, and 2. that I was very privileged indeed that to Lucas, I was the chosen one. Lucas NEVER, not EVER, snapped at me. His confidence in me was total. What's more, it grew over time. As did his behaviour. It took years, but toward the end of his life he very nearly trusted everyone I MYSELF trusted. He no longer snapped at other dogs, kids, or people. He simply checked how I reacted to a certain person or dog - and he took his cue from that. For this trust and love to be extended to me, unconditionally, practically at first sight, I will be eternally grateful! It was one of THE most beautiful experiences in my life. An experience I'm also proud of. A little... For the way Lucas was when I first "met" him, it could have all easily gone into the wrong direction. I am deeply grateful that through his instincts and by way of his unique character, he "taught" me how to build up trust and love. Something I always struggled with when it came to people. It was a give and take experience. It took me about 6 months to teach Lucas to walk off the lead. I did that by feeding him a few bits of kibble out of my pockets at EVERY curb, and by ALWAYS stopping at the curb even if there weren't any cars in sight. That is also how I taught him not to be afraid of cars or trains or subways. At first, being in a car or bus or subway was a nightmare for poor Lucas. But, eventually, he got used to it, got used to it to such a degree that whenever he saw a car door opening -he would jump in! The same, by the way, happened with buildings: A door would open, and Luke disappeared inside. One day, as we walked around our hood, somebody stepped out of a building and before I even knew it, Lucas walked inside! The door shut and I had to wait until another person stepped out again so we could be reunited. There are so many touching, but also funny stories in connection with Lucas! He was quite the entertainer. But also the charmer. And a bit of a ham! He won everyone's hearts immediately! And that, although he wouldn't allow anyone to touch him apart from myself and a very select few others (that number grew over the years). something which distressed people not a little as he LOOKED like a dog who wants to be cuddled night and day. Alas, no! ... ... to be continued!