At the beginning of this year, I decided I wanted to prove that I could earn an income from my writing. I have yet to prove that fact. I had planned originally to go out and buy hoodies for the homeless with every penny I made this year, a good thing to be sure, but unfortunately not entirely possible given my severe lack of funds.
Right now I am focused on my own self-healing...please bear with me as this is going to be a long story.
As you may or may not know, I was arrested for having a panic attack, and that panic attack brought up memories that I didn't know my brain was hiding from me. Memories of sexual abuse, gang rape, and violations that I don't even have words for.
When I finally went to the RCMP with my claims, rather than take me seriously, they decided they wanted me to see a psychiatrist who decided I was psychotic and had me committed to Surrey Memorial Mental hospital.
There I was "certified", which is a single word that can describe a whole host of ailments, but it basically means that I am on outpatient care, and at any time they can drag me back kicking and screaming if they choose to do so.
Yesterday I was speaking with my Psychiatrist, who was made aware of a threat I received over Facebook from one of the men I accused of raping me during what can only be described as a nervous break down from hell. I quote my Doctor when he asked me "what did you do to provoke him?" it was then that I realized that this man is never going to believe that I was gang-raped no less than three times in my life.
As much as I want to be able to buy 100 hoodies for the homeless, what I want more is to have my life be in my hands again, so I am reaching out to my friends, followers, and allies and asking you to help me pay for trauma counseling.
I know that what happened to me was wrong, that I didn't do anything to deserve it, and that I absolutely deserve to have a happy and healthy fulfilled life. A few months ago I put in an application to have the BC Victims Assistance program pay for trauma counseling, the problem is, however, that when I submitted my application I (and I quote) submitted "too much information, and it was overwhelming for the staff."
I decided that I was going to do what I could do to get control over my own life. So I started designing hoodies, and I wrote a book, and it is my hope that I can raise at least $5000 to put towards getting the trauma counseling that I need over the course of the next year.
Mental health is something that I very much want to focus on, but before I can do that, I have to focus on healing myself first. I have to learn what I don't know so that I am better equipped to help others, and so I am asking for help.
I am not asking you to donate, because I know money is tight these days, but I am asking you to help share my story so that I can continue to connect to other women who have experienced the same issues.
I am asking you to consider buying a hoodie or checking out my book, I am asking you to help me amplify my voice.
I know that I promised to do something good with the money that I earn this year, and I truly believe that putting my wellbeing first for a change is the best possible thing I can do for my own mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health.
Sending all my love,
Devon J Hall