It's almost summer.
My Saturn return is starting.
And I would swear it still feels like 2020.
I'm still healing from a lot, while still being harmed. And I think it's time to step forward, back into this placeholder of my existence with the larger world.
I would never call myself a shy person, but I can easily say that's who I've been these past few years. I've holed myself up tighter than usual, a method desperately needed, but now, I need to be back in conversation.
I've spent time enough to remember that this hurt is unacceptable and that I need to protect my peace. But I also need spaces again for radical vulnerability. Not that I always succeeded, I did feel most available to ride through my emotions in creative spaces.
Which is what I've been doing in this particular hermit phase: honing my creativity. I've been writing more than I've done with work I'm most proud of. I've been finding small spaces of community who have given feedback, questions, and a shit ton of love to my widebreath of artistries.
I'm scared to step back into a place in larger communities versus the intimate corners I've been tucked into. There's been so many trauma points that I do not care to laboriously recount and relive any of it in this moment where I try to move into active community, afraid that I will rocket myself back to being just in those small corners.
I hope this comes to you all in a place where you needed some courage, too. When being in community needs to outweigh hiding from hurt. When you know that you have a shit more to give and barely any armor to make it outside.
I'm rooting for us. We got this.