Departure by train to Delaware: Wednesday, March 20 4:55p
And breathe...
It feels, somehow, I should have a lot to say. It feels, in a lot of ways, as if excitement would be appropriate...maybe nerves, maybe...
I'm feeling none of those things and, well I will certainly find words (the burden of a writer who writes daily), I'm feeling a fair bit speechless and a little out of breath (good practice I suppose!). I have a lot on my mind. I've spent the last three days writing, somewhat feverishly about Nepantla (you can find that work on Medium without a paywall if you have any interest...you should know though, it's hopeful in the hard kind of way, the speechless-breathless kind of way). Nepantla, a quasi spiritual-metaphysical (for some of us it is quite physical!) place theorized about and lived in by Gloria Anzaldúa, a brilliant (loving!) writer and artist who engaged frequently in the murky world of identity politics, as do I in virtually all of my writing and art, in some way or another.
I'm on the precipice now of my next great journey, though it would be reasonable to say I have been traveling for a fair while now, so maybe "next chapter[s]" might be the most appropriate moniker for what I'm about to do. I no longer know how to live, except existentially. To be honest, I'm not sure how anyone lives any differently, but most certainly do. I hope to impact that. I hope others will feel inspired to "walk into the world" of a radical faith; into the murky and the terrifying, where the ground shakes and shifts beneath us, remolinos (whirlwinds) to sweep us off our feet and remind us...we can no longer afford our determined stagnancy, we can no longer stand still as the world screams, not for their transformation but ours. It is long past time we listen! I hope to impact that.
I'm on the precipice of a journey where the winds quite literally might sweep me off my feet, though as always, I will do my best to stay grounded, to remain anchored...without escape, without turning away, but turning towards, "security" defined and forged by collaboration not might, by community not war (and remember we currently wage wars psychologically and economically too, at home and abroad!).
I have done my best to pack and plan, though much of the point, for me anyway, is to seek the unknown. My life now fits in a pack, 43 pounds prior to food. That specificity matters. Even ounces add up when walking daily, a life where every single step matters (imagine the beauty!)...to be aware of each step we take, the impact each step has on ourselves and others. These remolinos, they matter. When tended they remind us, but when neglected...a raging tornado (a hurricane!) collapses towns and coastlines, entire populations left to starve and struggle/
a butterfly flaps...each and every one of us a butterfly!
We are connected, whether we choose to see or not, to those "other world" catastrophes that, these days, explode our phones:
We see more than we ever have in the whole of human history/we see less than we ever have in the whole of human history.
I've been talking with a friend the last few days. She can see her homeland from atop a hill, but she cannot enter...she cannot go home (imagine!). We've been talking about transforming global economic systems. We've been talking about revolution! My friend has more faith in the capacity of "systems" to change than I do, more faith that such systems can be built on a foundation of benevolence (not charity!). My friend is cautious too, she knows (her life and her daily loss remind her) that policy frameworks must equally be built to protect and assure, the most vulnerable amongst us. Don't be confused! Those frameworks have never yet been built, not in the whole of human history. We have truly been speaking of revolution! I tell her; "my friend, I believe in magic...I believe we can dream into reality." She tells me, "I also believe."
But I'm telling you; "never in the whole of human history."
So here I sit tonight, I'm packed (well, a few tidbits left...toothbrush, Benadryl, etc). Am I ready?--Yes. Am I ready?--No. I just bought my train ticket to get me [almost] to where I start...to walk. I'm hopeful, I'm terrified, I'm a lot of things right now. The outcome will be as I make it...
