"The New York Times, having invested more money in the game than they did in their Iraq War coverage, was quick to express their regret in a public statement."
Dorks everywhere were saddened today when they tried to solve the popular online puzzle, Wordle™.
The five-letter word guessing game had the same solution as the day before, and the day before that.
The solution was ‘Allah.’
“Hey that’s weird,” posted one self-described Wordle-addict on the game’s online forum. “Word of the day is Allah, just like yesterday.”
By the end of the week, Wordle-addicts everywhere were distraught. “It’s no fun anymore. It’s always Allah. Every solution the past week is Allah. I guess it’s time to try another game.”
The New York Times, having invested more money in the game than they did in their Iraq War coverage, was quick to express their regret in a public statement.
“Wordle™ fans, we are sorry to report the game has been hacked. All solutions going forward for Wordle™ will be Allah. The game is officially over. You can continue to play it, and easily score a one-guess win. Unfortunately, we are locked out of the database where we change the words. We regret to say there will be no more Wordle™.”
ISIS 2.0 — an obscure splinter faction of ISIS — that focuses its actions on cyberspace, claimed responsibility for the hack. The group released a video mini-manifesto online.
“The great Satan has its weaknesses and we have adjusted our strategy accordingly. Americans are only mildly disturbed by the death of their fellow citizens, if they care at all. To truly strike at the complacent citizens of the USA, you must disrupt their entertainment. It was surprisingly easy to hack into the New York Times. The hardest part was choosing what to make the permanent solution. We had quite a spirited debate. We considered USUCK, FUCKU, and USAPU. But when we took a vote, of course, ALLAH won out. Enjoy your game now, infidels!”
Despite the confident prediction of nation-wide chaos, not all Americans were saddened by the destruction of the beloved game. One such person spoke on condition of anonymity.
“I don’t want to say I approve of something terrorists did, but… well, if I’m being honest if I saw one more of those gray-yellow-green square things Wordle™ fans share on social media, I might have blown something up myself. Of course, I’m glad people were having fun but… I don’t know. I should probably stop talking.”
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