OUTRAGE OUTAGE! Iraqi Time-Traveler Seek ...

OUTRAGE OUTAGE! Iraqi Time-Traveler Seeks to Take Newfound Disgust for Imperial Wars back

Mar 11, 2022

I will say ‘You’re going to appear foolish in 2022 if you accept the Iraq war, as you will be opposing a similarly pointless war in Ukraine in less than twenty years.’

“I sympathize with Ukraine,” said 45-year-old Baghdad single mother, Fatima Hurmabi. “Facing down an empire with an enormous army while the world watches yet does nothing? That is a terrible fate. We Iraqis know.”

Hurmabi was referring to the 2003 invasion of Iraq.

“I’m glad that in the year 2022, people have finally become outraged at the horrors of war. It’s wonderful to see the global outcry over the Russian invasion of Ukraine. My nation could have used some of that empathy back in 2003 when the USA invaded Iraq. Several other nations could be using it now. But that’s why I’m traveling back in time.”

Wait. What?

“It’s true. I’ve built a time machine, and my plan is to return to 2003. I intend to crash that U.N. meeting where the Americans proposed their invasion of Iraq. I am bringing printed news articles from today. I want them to see how silly they look now. I will say ‘You’re going to appear foolish in 2022 if you accept the Iraq war, as you will be opposing a similarly pointless war in Ukraine in less than twenty years.’ It is obvious that the Russians are justifying their invasion of Ukraine with the same talking points the USA used in their 2003 war sales pitch.”

How will we know if she’s succeeded?

“It depends on your theory of time. If you believe it’s all one strand, then you will suddenly see Russians no longer in Ukraine. Thousands of people who were killed in that conflict will suddenly be alive again. The same will happen here in Iraq. Ukrainians, Russians, Americans, Iraqis, so many will be reborn. The entire recent history of my people will be different.”

But doesn’t that mean dictator Saddam might still control the country?

“Perhaps. Saddam was a cruel man. We are better off without him, but I’d rather restore hundreds of thousands of innocents and one monster. The opposite was done in 2003: thousands of innocents died just to kill one vicious leader.”

Does she really think she can convince the U.N. General Assembly to oppose the Iraq war?

“I must try. I will say, ‘I am doing you a service. Trying to help you. You’re going to look like racist frauds in 2022 if you allow the Iraq war to happen. No weapons of mass destruction will be found. Please, oppose this war in 2003, and then when you oppose the Ukrainian one in nineteen years, you will have the authority of consistency.’”

“It is my hope that they become terrified of looking like fools and hypocrites.”

A distant hope, indeed.

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