I'm a Magical Girl. My purpose in life is to ensure justice for all, spread kindness and cheer, to understand troubled hearts, and to love everybody with my all. Actually, the oath I really took, I can't remember. I said it in a rush, and there was some evil thing that was trying to kill me at the time -- a girl does whatever she has to so that she doesn't end up like the a bug on a windshield. But this is the general gist of what my mission is -- what the mission for every Magical Girl out there is. We spread positivity, and joy, and love, and we wear these ridiculous costumes and prance around flashing our undies just so that everyday, normal people have a reason to smile, laugh or -- HEY! Get your mind out of the gutter.
It's hard work. And it's totally voluntary. That's right. In addition to making sure my homework gets done and all my chores are done, and dealing with peer pressure at school, I stop crime, thwart evil, and I'm always cleaning up somebody's mess all for free. I don't get paid a cent for everything I have to go through, and everything I do. Oh yeah, come to think of it, that's why many schools in Japan have a rule that us students aren't allowed to have jobs. Because, even though everybody pretends they don't know, everybody knows that Japanese schoolhouses are nothing more than factories that produce more Magical Girls.
And you would think that Japan is a really evil place, since it seems that Magical Girls are one of Japan's top selling exports, but really there's evil everywhere in the world. Japan creates a lot of different types of people though. While Magical Girls are in the top five exports, Japan also creates awe inspiring mecha and they are ranked as number one in clean-up crew production. They have some of the best engineers. I mean, they're always rebuilding. They have to because somebody keeps letting God-freaken'-zilla out of his darn cage all the time! Stoppit! It's getting old already. And don't get me started on all the evil organizations. America, I'm looking at you now.
Anyway, someday, we'll be a large enough force to finally stop evil once and for all. If you want to help, just shoot me an email or hit me up on my Messenger. I'll get you in contact with our Fairy Godmother Department and you'll receive a cat or something shortly who will help you on to becoming the most magical version of yourself. Anyway, I gotta go now. Doctor Maniacal perfected his Hate Beam again. A girls' job is never done.