I had an idyllic childhood in a small country mining town. I walked to school following the goat track and fed the horses grass from the palm of my hand in the neighbour's paddock.
I grew up with loving, encouraging parents who are celebrating their 45th wedding anniversary this year (2024). My mum was always there to welcome us home from school and had fresh baking for us every week. My younger brother and I always liked each other, even through our pre-teen and teen years.
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I had plenty of big family Christmases on both sides of my family with all my aunts and uncles and cousins coming together at my grandparent’s homes with love and joy and gifts and plenty of food.
I was a smart A student at school, participating in choir and drama. I loved English and did well in all my subjects. Almost thirty years later I’m still friends with my same friend group from college.
I was a good student, a good friend, a good daughter, a good sister, a good girl.
There’s no but. No disclaimer. No impending catastrophe.
ALL THE RUMOURS ARE TRUE... I have a picture-perfect life.
I left school early at sixteen with grades good enough to go to university. I got a degree and a diploma in three years.
I met my husband when I was seventeen, he was only the second boy I ever kissed, and that kiss. Our first kiss was one of those, the whole world fell away and I was transported to the cosmos, kind of kisses.
I got a good corporate job that grew to earn me six figures. We bought a house and spent five years working and travelling Europe, taking months off to cruise the Mediterranean before coming home to beautiful New Zealand.
I’ve had two healthy pregnancies and two healthy babies, becoming pregnant both times within four months of coming off contraception.
I became a stay-at-home mum by choice and I balance my own projects and interests alongside supporting my family. I worked part time for myself with international clients in Europe and the US. I made $50,000 in a year working around 15 hours a week.
My husband is in his dream, high paying job. Our sex life just keeps getting better and better. Our kids are happy, healthy, and have every opportunity to explore all their interests.
And I’m making the best new mum-friends through my kid's friends, school, and extra-curriculars. Women who have a similar perspective on life, on parenting, and who all love to grow and learn and expand their lives.
ALL THE RUMOURS ARE TRUE... I have an amazing, incredible, loving life.
And I’ve never been fully grateful for any of it.
Let alone fully appreciative and grateful for all of it.
I have always downplayed it, glossed over it, and distanced myself from it. Not wanting others to feel bad, or like I have something they want but could never have, giving them a reason to hate me.
What’s the opposite of a silver lining? The one small dark cloud in a blue sky? I’ve always found that. The reason I’m still human. Yes, but look at the struggles I still have. Look at how I’ve been overweight since my teens so we can bond over 90s f*cked up diet culture. Look at how my business is struggling so we can bond over how hard times are.
Don’t look at how good I have it. Don’t look at my excitement, my joy, my passions, my loves. Look at how I’m still struggling. Look at how I’m relatable. Look at how I can understand your pain because I too have pain.
And I’m an eternal optimist who believes the best in people and can always find the silver lining.
But don’t look at that. You might think that’s toxic positivity.
You might not want to share with me.
You might not talk to me.
I might be left alone.
ALL THE RUMOURS ARE TRUE... I have it all.
I am blessed, privileged in so many ways, and finally feel fully grateful for it all.
I refuse to put any of these rumours into context or balance them with the realities of life and the human experience. They are all statements of fact and I will honour them for the blessings that they are. I refuse to over-explain my life, or to explain it at all.
I would much rather hear about what excites you, fills you with joy, what you’re looking forward to, what your passions are, and what you’re absolutely loving right now. And I want to hear about how you’re growing and expanding beyond your current circumstance, advocating for yourself as life throws challenges your way, and shifting through the discomfort to enrich your life.
I want the cloud for the silver lining.
I want the wide-open blue sky.
I want to dance in the rain.
I want to jump over swollen streams.
I want to count the seconds between the lightning and the thunderclap.
ALL THE RUMOURS ARE TRUE... I have a picture-perfect life.
I’m sitting on the couch with my feet up and my crochet in hand. Stevie Nicks is playing through the speaker, while the rain storms outside my window in the middle of a Monday morning.
I have nowhere to be and nothing I have to do until I pick my kids up from school.
I write every now and then, a few sentences here, a paragraph there, as the words roll around in my mind. I pick up my phone on occasion to share about my writing classes.
And then I sit and crochet, listening to Stevie, and the rain against my window.
Maybe I’ll even watch a movie over lunch.
Netflix & chill, by myself.
;)
Written after Chelsie Diane’s prompt from Stevie Nicks class, “All the rumours are true...”
[ORIGINAL ARTICLE: All The Rumours Are True, by Kerryn Hewson. 2024.]
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