Image Credit Juanita Johnson, Deptford Market London
There comes a point in our lives where we’re asked to examine the patterns that keep us stuck, the time loops that draw us back into old fears and frustrations. Often, these loops arise when we hold back, when we choose comfort or control over growth and transformation. They show up in our relationships, in the way we approach work, and even in our self-perception.
One of the most prevalent patterns is half-heartedness. It’s that energy we give when we’re not fully committed to our own growth, our own well-being, or our relationships. We show up just enough to maintain appearances, but deep down, something feels off. Half-heartedness may look like procrastination, avoidance, or a lack of follow-through, but at its core, it’s a reflection of our fears—fears of being fully seen, of being vulnerable, of facing change.
In my life, I’ve seen this pattern show up in many ways, particularly in relationships where there’s an expectation of emotional, physical ,financial or mental exchange, but no true reciprocity. I used to assume that giving myself fully would naturally result in the other person changing or reciprocating in the way I envisioned. Yet, when those expectations went unmet, I was left feeling frustrated and resentful. It took time for me to realise that this frustration wasn’t just about the other person; it was about my own control issues. I wanted to dictate the pace and outcome of another’s growth, to see the fruits of my labor in ways that aligned with my own values.
But the truth is, some land simply can’t bear the fruit we expect. When we invest energy in places that lack the capacity to nurture us—whether that’s emotional, financial, mental, or spiritual—we risk losing ourselves in the process. The challenge here is to recognise when we’re sowing in barren soil, when we’re pouring into connections that can’t reciprocate what we offer. This isn’t a judgment of the other person; rather, it’s a reminder that our growth requires discernment. We need to choose where to invest our time and energy wisely.
In my personal journey, I’ve had to step back from relationships where I became the emotional caretaker or the person intellectualising someone else’s emotions. I saw how my own need for control—the need to see the other person change in the ways I thought they should—was fueling these dynamics. My giving was tied to an outcome, and when that outcome didn’t manifest, I felt drained, frustrated, and even resentful.
The key to breaking this pattern has been learning to listen to my body, to trust the intelligence of my own sacral authority, and to recognise that not all spaces or relationships are meant for deep investment. This realisation doesn’t mean closing my heart or withdrawing from people altogether. Rather, it’s about setting boundaries that honor my own growth and energy, about understanding that my aura—penetrating as it is—can’t always stay in places where the capacity for change doesn’t exist.
This same principle applies beyond just relationships. I see it in the ways we approach our passions and projects. Often, we commit to things half-heartedly, not because we don’t care, but because we fear the full commitment that growth demands. We tiptoe around our goals, making just enough effort to keep them alive, but not enough to truly see them flourish. It’s a survival tactic, a way to avoid the discomfort that full commitment requires.
But growth asks for more. It asks us to show up fully—to put both feet in, even when the ground feels shaky. It asks us to release control and trust that the process will unfold as it’s meant to, even if we don’t see the fruits immediately. In embracing this, we begin to break the cycle of half-heartedness. We learn to trust that when we give ourselves fully, we are aligning with something greater, even if the outcome doesn’t look the way we imagined.
Ultimately, breaking these time loops requires a level of honesty with ourselves. It asks us to face our fears head-on, to stop blaming others for the ways we feel stuck, and to recognise that our growth is our own responsibility. No one else can commit to it for us. And as we learn to trust our own process, we begin to see that true reciprocity doesn’t come from controlling others, but from aligning with the people, places , projects and things who are ready to meet us where we are—fully, wholeheartedly, and without reservation.
Here are some areas of contemplation that you can include at the end of the piece, inviting the reader to reflect deeply on their own experiences:
Areas for Contemplation:
1. Where are you sowing in barren soil?
Reflect on the relationships, projects, or commitments in your life. Are there places where you’re giving your energy without receiving anything in return? What would it look like to redirect your energy to more fertile ground?
2. How does half-heartedness show up in your life?
Consider where you may be holding back, whether in relationships, work, or personal growth. What fears or beliefs keep you from showing up fully? How might your life change if you committed with your whole heart?
3. What are your true motivations for giving?
Examine the ways you offer your time, energy, or support to others. Are you giving freely, or are there expectations tied to your actions? What happens when those expectations aren’t met, and how do you handle the disappointment?
4. What do your boundaries say about your self-worth?
Take a moment to explore your boundaries, or lack thereof. Are you clear about what you will and won’t accept in your relationships? How does maintaining or neglecting those boundaries reflect your sense of self-worth?
5. What does reciprocity mean to you?
Think about the balance of give-and-take in your relationships. What does true reciprocity look and feel like for you? How can you cultivate more of it, both in the way you give and in what you allow yourself to receive?
6. In what areas of your life are you afraid to commit fully?
Whether it’s personal growth, creative projects, or relationships, where do you find yourself hesitating? What would it take to overcome that hesitation, and what might you gain by committing fully to your growth?
7. What time loops are you repeating?
Reflect on any recurring patterns or cycles in your life. How are they tied to old fears or unresolved emotions? What steps can you take to finally break free from these loops and move toward greater alignment?
8. What does it mean to you to release control?
Contemplate your relationship with control. Where are you trying to dictate the outcome in your life or the lives of others? How might letting go of that need for control open up space for deeper trust and transformation?
9. How do you honor your energy and time?
Are you investing your energy wisely? Consider the areas where you feel most drained or resentful. What changes can you make to honor your time and protect your energy in a way that aligns with your values and well-being?
10. What would it feel like to give wholeheartedly without attachment to the outcome?
Imagine offering your energy, time, or love without any strings attached. How would that shift your relationships, your work, or your personal fulfillment? How might it allow for more freedom and less frustration in your life?
Adding these reflective questions will give you a chance to engage with the piece on a deeper level and explore your own patterns.
In reverence to all that we are
Juanita x