First glimmer of growth

I first worked with a life coach in 2019. Fionn was 17months old. I felt stuck. It was the beginning. A slow awakening. Then, bang, I felt sober/awake/like the fog had lifted and my vision was crystal clear. In sept 2020 I started working one on one with a life coach. It was something I wanted to do for myself. Just for me. Something long term. Something that genuinely made me feel good. I'm all for a hot bath or a box of chocolates but I needed something more. I have spent my whole adult life believing that I should be able to rely on someone else to make me happy. But I didn't make me happy so how could I have such high expectations of everyone else. Guess what, today I make me happy. And I'm not just saying that, I believe it. I truly make myself happy. I'm not smiling and laughing 247 but I keep asking myself what would make me happy or how can I make myself happy today or in this moment? I'm constantly having to pause, restart and challenge myself. It's hard work. It's exhausting if I'm being honest. So many times I've wanted to just give up but the thing about growth and awareness is that once you start It's virtually impossible to stop and forget it. The awareness is both amazing and goddammit frustrating. You see things from so many perspectives and eventually you begin to see how it could never be possible for you to please all of these perspectives (BTW I'm a recovering people pleaser). In terms of my business... I suddenly had clarity. I knew who I wanted to serve, how I wanted to serve them and what I could bring to the table. I had a belief in myself I never had before. A confidence. A respect for myself I never knew. Part of me wants to sing from the rooftops how amazing this inner work is but the other part of me knows that this can only be done by people who are open to it and looking for growth. I would be wasting my energy if I sang from the roof tops. Instead I'm choosing to whisper to the few have seen glimmers of change. Those who have a gut feeling there is more to life than the monotony of living within other peoples expectations and limitations. Grab all the voices about life being short and enjoying the journey not the destination and now say them out loud. And now listen to yourself saying them. You don't believe it yet do you? You don't fully understand the extent of that cliché. Start opening your eyes. Start questioning. Start living outside of those limitations. Now, say them again. Louder. Now, now you get it. Now you say it with such belief and trust and gumption that I know you know. And only those who know, will ever know and understand the power and freedom that comes with growth and work. Not power over other people. No. Power over your own goddamn life and how you chose to live it. With purpose and awareness and acceptance and contentment. I used to think I wanted to travel to all the countries in the world and do a load of the typical bucket list stuff. I know there are a few places I really want to see and I know I would love to experience the exhilaration of skydiving but I also know that paying attention to how the sun feels on my face as I sip hot, fresh coffee from my handmade mug, with my sheepskin slippers hugging my feet and the birds happily singing as the sun moves across the sky. That, that is what I want. I want to be aware and awake as often as possible to drink in these delicious moments. If nothing else happens in my life, I am so happy knowing that I have embraced so many beautifully delicious moments like this over the past few months. I feel honoured to have been here and to have experienced the life I'm living to the depths that I have felt it. I feel so unbelievably thankful to have found a point where I am aware of the life I'm living from a level of knowing I feel I have. I am beyond lucky.