This week provided opportunity for me to teach both of my parents a thing or two about how I operate.
I recently took a week-long vacation to visit one of my kids and his wife. The trip required a flight as this kiddo lives too far away to make a drive practical. I hadn't seen them for a year and a half and the visit was highly anticipated by my son, his wife, and me. We had an amazing week together. We saw things we had never seen before. We had experiences that were brand new to us and will be remembered for our lifetimes. The kids shared a few of their favorite places with me. It was a wonderful trip.
Then I came home.
My youngest kiddo had stayed home to care for our pets and help my mother who lives with us now. He did wonderfully. He took care of all the things that needed done while I was gone. He made kind gestures to help his grandmother be comfortable and cared for. On top of a full-time job that begins early each morning, he kept the household up and running so I could have a relaxing vacation. I had been nervous to leave, but upon my return I was very happy with the way he had stepped up for me. I am incredibly proud of him. He is a young adult and he took on this task with grace and compassion.
My mother, on the other hand, treated my son terribly while I was gone. She was demanding and ungrateful. She acted as though she was angry at him the entire week. She was passive aggressive and just mean to him. Instead of vocalizing what she needed she would wait for him to guess. She attempted to guilt trip him when he would finally figure out what she wanted/needed from him. She would say things like, "I thought I was going to have to do it myself." I was appalled at her behavior.
The day after my return I planned a trip to the BMV to obtain an updated ID for my mother. Having just moved, we both needed our IDs updated with our new address. On the way to this task I laid it all out for her. I explained how her behavior had made my son feel and that she was alienating her grandson. My mother is a man-hater. I let her know that I know this, but that my sons are not any of the men in her life that have mistreated her in any way. She was mean and petty and I will not allow that to continue in my home. She can choose anger and misery if she wants to, but she will not be spreading those choices about my home. It was a shape up or we'll find other arrangements for our lives conversation. She denied nothing and provided no excuses for her behavior. I caught her glaring at me from the corner of my eye at one point so I looked right at her and she quickly turned away. She was caught and had no defense. I am not sure how I would have responded to her had she tried to defend that behavior. I am grateful she did not.
Since that conversation she has behaved better. It is difficult to tell if she's genuine or still masking her real self. She has always been a manipulator. My son and I will remain on guard with her for the foreseeable future. This is not the first time she has emotionally injured people I care about. This is not the first time she has emotionally injured me. There is a long history of emotional and mental abuse with this woman that I have worked very hard to overcome and accept as part of my fabric. However, I will not allow her to damage my children to the point that they need to work hard to overcome her presence in their lives. That kind of treatment will not be tolerated.
My mother learned this week that I am willing to care for her as long as she needs, but that I will not allow her to be an emotional abuser any longer. I can care for her without her being in my home and I will make changes if they need to be made. Important lesson for her to take to her core.
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I also attempted to close on the sale of my former home this week. My dad has held my mortgage since I purchased the house several years ago, so he was present at the closing with me to collect the payoff for the loan.
My agent, my dad, and I showed up for the closing but the buyer's lender did not have their packet available for funding the purchase. We did a seller's pre-signing on our scheduled closing day and were told that the sale would be funded the next day. The next day came and went without funding and we were told definitely the next day. The next day came and went without funding and now we are being told definitely Monday.
My dad guards his hard-earned assets vehemently. He is not a stingy man nor is he a money monger. He does understand the value of having money in the bank and planning for future events. He was uneasy about signing papers releasing the mortgage without collecting the money that supports that release. He has since become more and more agitated about the lack of the buyer's lender being able to follow through on their promise to our title company to fund the purchase. His agitation is understandable and valid.
Last night, after 3 days of hearing "just wait until tomorrow," he reached out to me to see what was happening. He was clearly angry with the title company, the buyer, the buyer's lender, and frustrated with having the money for the payoff sitting somewhere in California instead of in his bank account as it should be. He seemed ready to litigate damages, even citing that interest charges were accruing on the unpaid balance of the mortgage. I reminded him that those interest charges were mine, not my buyer's. He tried to skirt that by saying that the delay was not on me. He knows my statement is true, however. The loan is mine and any excess fees involved will come from me, not my buyer.
My dad is a devout Presbyterian and his congregation recites the Lord's Prayer every Sunday. I calmed him by letting him know that this is one of those times that I am choosing to forgive those who trespass against me. At this point in the process I am well within my rights to pull the plug on the deal and go back on the market with the house I no longer inhabit. I am choosing to move forward with this buyer even though the closing has been an absolute nightmare. On Monday, if the funds are not available, I will face that decision. I am choosing to trust the process and I am choosing to trust the title company. We will get paid. We just have to practice some patience due to the incompetence of others. The high road is often a difficult one to get to, but it is usually the best route to take.
Before our conversation was over my dad had relaxed a bit and was sounding more like the man I learned all of these life lessons from. He's a good man and his kid was wronged. I get it. OH, do I get it! See story above, folks. ;)
I believe Dad will be showing up at the title company on Monday to provide some "advice" but for now he is following my lead of calmness and positivity. He was reminded this week that I am strong enough to bend and that he can care for my wellbeing and still keep following the scriptures he holds dear.
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So the week, while not turning out the way I intended, has had some unique opportunities for growth, positivity, teaching, learning, boundaries, tolerances, and love. Moving on.