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My purpose is confusing

My purpose is confusing

Jul 29, 2022

Growing up in the south,: well, Florida type of south, I was raised in the church. I was there every Sunday, Wednesday, and any other day of the week that there was a church event. I was told that I had a purpose from God and that it would guide me in life. Well, as many former church kids know, life happened, which made me question who I was and what I believed, so I left. But the one question I could never get to stop hounding me was the idea that we have a purpose because if we do, I still do not understand mine.

Having a purpose is a concept that, on paper, sounds hopeful and insightful. Still, in reality, it often is the source of anxieties, well, at least mine. I am not sure why I am here on this earth or what "greater good" purpose I will serve. Everything I was taught, drilled, and preached about purpose was not something I could grasp. If the heavenly father above decides who I am meant to be, why couldn't he let a sis in on the situation? It would have made growing up a lot easier, so I knew what to go to school for, what career path I should take, or even which job would help me better alone. Instead, I am finding myself constantly in a state of confusion on what decisions and roads I should take to achieve whatever enlightenment that is promised with purpose. So I am on a mission to do some soul searching, which lead me to pick up writing again.

I have been battling anxiety and depression for years, mainly coming in waves. The most recent one hit the hardest; add some trauma and PTSD, and you have me. At my absolute lowest point, I worked at a high-stress, not equally paid job that was more than an hour away. I ended up breaking; I quit my 8-5 to focus on my family and me, which ultimately saved my mental health and probably my life. So I am searching for my purpose to make sense of this life in writing again.

I have always found writing therapeutic and used it to help buy my first car, write essays, and do senior projects. If it needed to be written, I was your girl. I made money back then, so I figured I could make money again writing. It won't be essays or senior projects, but I am learning different ways and figuring it out as I go. I want to understand my purpose, and if it helps me start making money, I can live with it.

I created a Buy Me A Coffee hoping that writing to the void of the internet may build the confidence I need to embark on this purpose-searching journey. Perhaps I can be good enough to make this a job while in the process. So every follower, subscriber, or donation is a blessing and encourages me to keep going.

You can follow my journey on my blog as well.

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