Houa Lor
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Toxic Traits

Toxic Traits

Oct 25, 2023

There are certain people in our lives that we have to let go of trying to help because they refuse to help themselves. I have come across many individuals like this in my life where they ask me for help, I give them the advice and they don’t take it. Yet they come back with the same question. Overtime, I realized that it isn’t my fault…it’s theirs because they want someone to do it for them but they won’t do it themselves. They want to see the results only.


Coming to see this with many, I learned to pull back and keep myself safe from their energy. It’s very contagious and if you allow it to overwhelm you, it can consume you entirely. The words they say, “You are who you hang around with,” is so very true. Once you pull yourself away from that circle do you finally see all the poison that was circulating around you.


I was once in that situation and even today, I still fight to not allow myself to be in those places again. We have all types of people in our lives and while some are strangers who we meet and never come across again, some are family who are in our lives forever. We may have to distance our heart to keep ourselves safe and mentally strong. It isn’t because you don’t love them. It’s because you love yourself enough to know when you should keep away. Many might think it’s selfish but although they pin this on you, they themselves also practice it. We can forgive each other, love one another from a distance and still acknowledge each other in public.


I was talking to a good friend of mine yesterday about a situation that occurred a year ago in my life. The anniversary of letting this person go happened exactly 365 days ago and I was sharing my thoughts and growth from letting go of this particular individual. This person had a lot of toxic energy that I allowed in my life because she was someone who was superior to me in my journey. When I moved away from her and I realized the distance brought out things I didn’t see when I was close to her, I finally saw how broken she was. It had nothing to do with me and everything to do with how she saw herself. Letting her go was the hardest decision in my life because we shared so many memories together. But if I didn’t let her go, I would be drowning alongside her and I couldn’t allow that to happen. Her vision no longer aligned with mine. So yesterday while my good friend and I were talking, she said to me, “You loved her a lot. Out of all of us, you probably had it the hardest because you knew her personally for a long time. But I’m glad you found yourself.” And I am too. Sharing this with the world is freeing because I am reminded that I am human and I often times can give someone the benefit of the doubt for far too long. And the one who ends up hurt is me.


I am sure you know someone like that too and I want to remind you that you’re not wrong for wanting to love more than you should. But you will need to recognize when you need to step away if a person is hurting you for loving them. Your love deserves to be returned unconditionally and without any expectations.

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