The other day, I boiled some beans into a hot soup to eat, and as I sat down to consume it, I heard my mother’s voice…”I told you, one day when you’re old enough, you’d crave that.” I smiled and let the broth sink into my soul, remembering how I used to ask her why she wanted that bowl of soup.
I have become my mother in so many ways.
As a child growing up, I always questioned so many things…like how could my dad know it was going to rain by the pain he felt in his back? How could my mother eat a bowl of bitter roots and rice together as if it was good to the soul? I questioned these and my parents always gave me the same old answer: One day, you will know.
Today, I know…having hit my 40’s, I know now, and I am feeling all these things that my parents used to speak about. Craving that bitter bowl of soup, my back aching and then suddenly having rain pour down, and waking up way before the sun gets up. All these and more…
When we think back on it, our days of our youth is like a flickering flame that dances gently but our adulthood is like a full blown fire that burns across the land. And standing between that and us is our parents because for just a short time, they raise us, and then let us go. You know, losing them both in a short span of time, has forced me to grow up faster than I ever thought possible. It has shaped me into becoming stronger than I ever needed because the world became completely empty. And I had to learn how to fill up that emptiness with my own courage and stories. I had to learn how to become my own mother and father. And it’s very true when they say that the colors of people open up for you to see when loss occurs. Because you get to really see the truth behind the masks that face you every single day.
A few months ago, my husband said to me, “The one person in this world who I have left that truly loves and cares for me, without holding back, is you. Everything I have, I gift to you, everything I own, is yours, and in return, I hope you do the same for me, because you and I are now each other’s strength and love.”
This is the truth when it comes to two souls who have lost parents. You become each other’s strength and love.
