I was told at my wedding almost three decades ago that because I married young, I would turn out to be a disappointment. I was putting my life into the hands of someone I loved and that man would not love me forever because I was so young, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I would one day wake up, old and regret every single decision I ever made.
I remembered thinking…this is my wedding day. Why would anyone say these things to me? Why couldn’t they be happy that I was in love? For a long time, I was upset at them and I found it hard to smile when they came around. But over the years, I have learned that it had nothing to do with me. It was something they thought they were doing right when it came to preparing me for the world of marriage. I forgave them because I knew that a part of them did not mean this wholeheartedly. It was something they had to say because they were taught the same.
Through the years of marriage, I found that I became the exact opposite of what they thought I would turn out to be. There was a reason why I married and the reason was love. If I found one day that I fell out of love, I couldn’t turn to those around me and say, “It was your fault that I failed.” No. I would have to be brave enough to face the mirror and say, “Your hands are at fault.”
But I am lucky that my husband and I have a very strong union and through the past 30 years of marriage, we have grown stronger. Through death, births, loss and gain, our lives have pretty much been a roller coaster where we held onto each other. When I have no words, it is him who finds the perfect ones to help me heal. When he is at a loss, it is me who helps him discover what needs to be said. Through the years, we have learned that it isn’t just love alone that holds us together. It is respect, honesty and trust that is just as strong.
Do we have our bad days? Of course we do. Who doesn’t? Have we argued and not agreed? Yes! But it isn’t over the other person. It is over the issue at hand that we are not agreeing to it. This is what we must remember when we speak to each other. It is not him that I don’t like at the moment, but more so the issue that he is doing that doesn’t sit well with me.
When you learn to adjust to each other and learn how to respect one another through many problems and solutions, the ending result is that there will always be a smile to look forward to. If you want a perfect partner, you first have to be the perfect partner.