It was impossible, or if not impossible at the very least unlikely, very much unlikely, and if it was true then it was impressive and he was not really inclined to call Tomioka ‘impressive’ out of all people… not to his fucking boring egocentric blank face at least.
But he had to admit that he had no idea how he had done it, if what he was thinking was the truth then he was not sure what to do with it. He had never picked up not even a whiff of his scent, he had never heard of him taking a day off, or a week off, to hide his heat cycles, and Rengoku’s command had had no influence at all on him.
It explained many things though, the fact that he had been trusted with the Water Estate, the relationship he had cultivated not only with the two girls but also with Senjuro and Genya in so little time, the fact that he was completely fine with being called ‘haha’, the obscene amount of knowledge he seemed to have about omegas, more specifically male omegas… it even explained why he always kept his space. What it did not explained was how the fuck did he hid something like that for so long with nobody being the wiser.
‘Sabito’... he had heard that name before and something he had told Obanai months ago came back to his mind as if he had summoned it. Maybe Tomioka did have a sweetheart hidden somewhere or maybe he had been bitten by this Sabito person who had left. That was a damn good theory actually, it explained his shity attitude around them and the fact that he did not seem fazed by Rengoku’s commanding voice.
‘I will always follow,’ sounded almost devotional.
He could have shuddered only thinking about that, that was exactly the part about the omegas that he had never understood, the part he had always been repulsed by. Why would they give their all for someone? someone that could hurt them, someone that could made their life a fucking hell. How could they give themselves away? Careless of their own safety, allowing someone else to control them like a puppet on a string. Ridiculous, pathetic.
No alpha deserved that trust, no alpha deserved that power, there was nothing good that could sprang from it and he sincerely hoped that Obanai figured it out before he decided to do something stupid. He could have a good life with Kanroji if he wanted, but allowing her to mark him… he was not cattle for anyone to mark him, he was a person, goddamn it, not property to be claimed.
And what the hell was Tomioka thinking advocating for Kocho to not be kicked out of the Hashira for some time after what she had done? He had been surprised with Rengoku’s punishment, yes, but he still thought that he had gotten what he deserved… It was even lighter than what he had done in Oyakata-sama’s place. And the one time that Tomioka chose to speak up unprompted was to defend Kocho after everything she had done to him? Did he not know that she was bullying him or was he just a masochist?
“There was nothing important in the first entries, Master, and we cannot afford to lose more Hashira,” Tomioka said, all the way to Sanemi’s left.
“The fact that there was no information about the Water Estate and the statute of secrecy does not mean that there was nothing important in the first entries, Giyuu. It was a private book that was outside of the limits of what was allowed by the rules and that is important on its own,” Oyakata-sama replied. “If there is a rule, you ought to respect it, I expect all of the Hashira and the lower ranking demon slayers to respect it,” he added.
Thankfully someone was using their brains to counter Tomioka's stupidity. Had he hit his head the night before? Sanemi was not sure but Tomioka had probably not slept at all after the calamity that Rengoku had caused so, for once, he would excuse his behavior. It was bizarre though, one time that Tomioka had every excuse to want to disappear and keep his distance he was very much involved, actually participating in the Hashira meeting like not many times before.
“It is different from what Rengoku did though, he hurt people” Tomioka replied.
Sanemi had had the almost irrepressible desire to punch him in the face many times before so the feeling was nothing new, but he had never had the pressing desire to punch him for his own good. Tomioka needed to do some introspection if he really thought Kocho's actions were not motivated by the sole goal of hurting him, if he was sprunging all that nonsense because his two remaining brain cells had taken a vacation then he was going to call them to action with a good punch to his teeth.
“And she hurt you,” Obanai replied, somewhere between flabbergasted and angry.
“It is nowhere near comparable,” Tomioka said, somehow calm as if it was not about him, “he hurt you physically, psychologically and emotionally; Kocho just read a letter I wrote when I was thirteen years old,” he added, as if it was not bad enough that she had snuck into his private bedroom to get some intel on him.
“‘We do not compare trauma’ is that not what your kids say all the time? So we do not compare trauma but we do compare suffering? Or is it just a lie you told them?” Obanai asked, he seemed pissed, almost a little hurt.
Tomioka did not reply to that, maybe he did not know what to say, maybe those questions hit a little too close to home to be comfortable answering and Sanemi did not fault him for closing off right after all of them had poked their noses into his private affairs, knowingly or inadvertently.
“I have many questions about what we read but I do not know if I should keep it silent or…” Kanroji said, not daring to look at Tomioka for more than a second.
A second of silence passed and Oyakata-sama turned towards Mitsuri with his signature smile on his lips. Almost as if he had communicated with Tomioka in his mind. Sanemi did not put it behind the Master, he did not know all the things Oyakata-sama could do but if the rumors were right he had the ability to see into the future, like some kind of prophetic dream.
“Of course you have questions, Mitsuri, I am sure all of you have questions and I do not condemn curiosity. You can ask whatever you need as long as you are respectful. Giyuu do not force yourself to answer if you do not feel comfortable with it,” Oyakata-sama instructed but none of them dared to be the first ones asking until Obanai did.
“Are you a beta or was that a lie?” he asked.
Sanemi could feel the pain of betrayal in Obanai's sentence and he actually understood him, kind of, why would Tomioka hide something like that from them? Why would he hide something like that to another omega? Well, Sanemi also happened to have some ideas as to why Tomioka would do that mostly right at the beginning of his days as a demon slayer or even after that, they had never been exactly kind to him, not ever but more specifically, not after Kanae’s death.
Obanai had been incredibly mean to Tomioka, Kocho could not be five minutes without pestering him, damn, even he had been an ass to Tomioka… not saying he did not deserved it, he had an infuriating superiority complex, a shitty attitude and the bad habit of ignoring everyone but they had not been exactly a safe space for him to announce that he was an omega.
“I am not,” Tomioka replied. Sanemi could not say he was surprised, he had thought that as soon as he had heard that letter.
“Why did Rengoku’s command not work on you?” Uzui asked.
“Who is Sabito?” Kanroji said at the same time.
“You are mated to him, right? that is why Rengoku’s command had no effect on you,” Kocho had the cheek to ask.
Tomioka did not even move a muscle to answer any of those questions but Kocho was not one to know when to stop so instead of taking her questions in the opposite direction she decided to push and push, used to Tomioka putting up with her nagging and the sad thing was that Tomioka was probably going to let her harass him as much as her little cruel heart desired but he was not alone that time, the Master was listening and he was listening intently.
“Where is he? Is he a demon slayer? Did you two grow apart? How do you go through your heats without him? Does he know about your kids?” She kept going, not really caring about the fact that Tomioka was not answering any of her questions, thinking that even the tiniest of changes in his facial features would give her enough information but Tomioka had not moved a muscle, completely checked out of the whole conversation.
“Shinobu… let the dead rest,” Oyakata-sama said and silence descended upon all of them almost like a charm.
Sanemi was not very knowledgeable about omegas at all, least of all what happened to omegas when their mated partner died but he could remembered his mother, her heart wrenching sobbing, her broken screams pleading with-god-knew-what to give her her lover back… though lover was too strong of a word to use in relation to his father; drunkard, deadweight and abusive described him way better.
But even if he could not understand why his mother loved that monster, he could not deny her pain when she lost him, the way she would cry for him in dreams, the way her light had turn off, the way she would not smile at all after that, the desperate way she would touch her biting mark and the way she had scratch the remains of the scar raw when it started to disappear.
He could not imagine the kind of pain that that would evoke, he could not imagine how a person could go on after something like this. The only time someone had explained it to him was a couple of years back, an old lady in a little old town after he saved the place from a demon. He had been appointed Hashira only recently and he was still mourning at the time but he remembered that old lady with unbelievable clarity:
“When you give yourself to someone so entirely you are nothing but the combination of the two, and your partner is nothing else but the combination of the two. At some point you are so entwined that you cannot tell where one begins and the other ends, and when they are gone, they take away that part of you that was given to you that you forgot was not yours to begin with; they rip that part that you had surrounded with the most tender parts of yourself to keep it safe and warm out of your bare arms. It feels like you imagine it would feel like to have your heart ripped out of your chest and your chest is left empty and hollow and your heart no longer has any reason to beat. In the end you just hope for death to take you soon too and you pray every night to find them again in your next life and the next and the next one after that, no matter how many times, no matter how much it hurts when they die and when they leave.”
He could not imagine Tomioka living in that hell for so long, he could not and he did not want to imagine anyone suffering that way, having their heart ripped out of their chest, hollow and empty. He could fit those words in Tomioka terrifyingly easy and if that woman was right and Tomioka was going through that he was not sure how he could keep going on, how could he stay strong for his kids, how could he survive day after day when the only thing he wanted was to die.
For a moment, the only thing Sanemi could feel about Tomioka was a sad kind of admiration, admiration and compassion and then another image appeared in his mind, the fleeting second when Tomioka’s eyes had let him in, the flash of pain he had found in them when looking at Tokito back in the Water Estate and Sanemi felt guilty and embarrassed of himself.
How much could a person bear to lose? How many times could a person rebuild themselves with the pieces they had left? Sanemi had been too damn tired after losing his family, Masachika had been already a stretch, a risk he would not have taken had he been stronger, Obanai, Kanae, all risks he did not want to take, Genya… he was not sure if he could live in a world where Genya did not exist.
“Giyuu is right in one thing and that is that we cannot afford to lose another Hashira,” the Master said, Sanemi was not sure what had he missed while he drifted off into his thoughts, that was the reason why he did not like getting into his head that much. “That does not mean that I condone your actions, Shinobu, what you did was disrespect me, Giyuu, and each and every one of your fellow Hashira. You should repent and sincerely apologize to Giyuu. You should also stop with whatever you want to call the way you are talking to him, I do not like it and I do not want to know that you treated him like that again. Instead of taking you off duty you will give Giyuu a well-deserved break and take on some of the missions that were to be his; you will also research about omegas and specially male omegas in a deeper and closer way you have done so far, I do not want you to give the wrong dose to any other omega. Understood?” Oyakata-sama asked.
“Yes, Master,” she replied.
Apologizing was going to be a hell of a task for Shinobu, harder than both the massive amount of missions she would suddenly have and the shit ton of investigation she would have to conduct. Shinobu was the most arrogant and conceited person Sanemi knew and Sanemi knew many arrogant and unpleasant people, himself and Obanai were just some examples. She was always so full of herself, always patronizing, affected and stuck-up, always looking down on anyone even when she herself was pocket size.
Shinobu was the kind of person that would make you trust her and store the information you gave her to use it against you five years down the line and that was something Sanemi did not like at all, that was something Sanemi could neither respect nor admire. He would never laugh or shame people for their insecurities, he could beat them into a pulp for their annoying attitude but not humiliate someone with no good reason and no matter how annoying Tomioka was, being annoying was not a good enough reason.
Sanemi wondered how Obanai was going to react to the news on his and Tomioka’s way back to the Water Estate; what was he going to say? Was he going to wait until the safety of the Water Estate or would he confront Tomioka on the road? How was he going to reproach him for his lies? Damn, he wished he could talk to Obanai after the meeting as they usually did but Obanai was in heat and they could not have one of their sneaky meet ups if Tomioka had to pick up Iguro to go home.
But he had so many things to ask, he really wanted the opinion of a cruel, impetuous and wild omega on that particular matter, but maybe it was best if he let him have his little chit-chat with Tomioka first and get all the information at once after everything was cleared in between them and oh boy, his patience paid off.
Obanai dropped by at the Wind Estate two days after the meeting, his scent and the scent of the Water Estate still clinging to him and his clothes, if there was something Sanemi really had come to like was the scent that Obanai brought with him when he came back from the Water Estate each month. He could do without the goldenrod, not that he was going to risk decapitation for telling Obanai that he did not enjoy his personal scent, he was not stupid, but he really enjoyed the sense of calmness that the scent of the Water Estate seemed to install in him so he took the chance that was so freely offered by his friend and basked in the scent that engulfed them while they talked in the engawa.
“Are you fucking sniffing me?” Obanai asked, using his elbows to support himself in order to look at Sanemi to his face.
“I am not,” he lied.
Sanemi had the nerve to be offended by the question even though he had been sniffing at Obanai almost blatantly just a second before; that did not meant that he would ever admit to it, there was not one thing that Obanai could do to make him take ownership over those actions, Sanemi would call bullshit to any attempt and Obanai probably already knew that, that was why he took a slightly different approach.
“I mean, I would not blame you for it, I have been sniffling myself a lot,” Obanai said in an uncharacteristic joking manner. The sheer strangeness of that act rendered Sanemi speechless which Obanai used as an opening to bring up the subject he actually wanted to discuss with Sanemi… and maybe bully him a little. “What did you think of Tomioka by the way? It was big news,” he said, seemingly changing the subject, but really he was just drawing a big circle to trap Sanemi inside and by the time he decided to close the circle, Sanemi would not have seen it coming.
“I was going to ask you about it, how the actual fuck did he hid it from us all this time? And why? I mean, you were there, Tokito was there, I would understand that he kept it hidden in the beginning but after the two of you? it is not like we would treat him worse because of it, probably the opposite would have been true,” Sanemi said and it somehow solidified Tomioka’s long list of reasons not to tell them.
“I am not going to say that I am not offended that he lied to me… to us,” he corrected himself rather quickly, “but I also understand his reasoning a little,” he added. “He did not want anyone to treat him differently because of it, he wanted to do his job and leave it at that, his type had nothing to do with it and I think the same, honestly. He also told me that omega boys were not exactly treated in high esteem where he came from, I never had to experience that: being an omega was the thing that saved my life, had I been an alpha I would have been killed off because I would be considered dangerous, I am an omega and I was still considered dangerous so I can not relate to him on that but if I have to go for the way I have been looked and spoken at from the common people I would believe him… Take it with a pinch of salt though, it is what he told me after we found out about it but I do not know Tomioka for a liar so I am inclined to believe him,” he said.
“People is so fucked up. I have seen more than one person looking down on male omegas or having weird fetishes with them so I guess that is generally true,” Sanemi agreed.
“Besides, he would have put himself in unnecessary danger had he said anything: he did not know how would the Hashira react to it back then and to be honest, his scent is fucking addicting, I felt attracted and compelled by it and I am a fucking omega,” Obanai said, ready to closed his beautifully crafted circle around Sanemi.
“Really? What does he smell like?” Sanemi aske, playing right into Obanai’s wicked scheme without notice.
“Well, I am sure you know, you were on the Water Estate, right? What scents did you smell there?” Obanai replied.
“A fucking ton, how many omegas were there? And they were all mixed up with ours so it was quite confusing,” Sanemi said. “blueberry and tea leaves from Genya, goldenrod from you, and some other fruits and flowers, I think,” he said.
“Nothing else? I swear you have the worst sense of smell an alpha has ever had,” Obanai pushed a little more.
“Yes, the normal fuckin mixture of nature and water that is in the whole Water Estate but it is surrounded by plants and water so I did not give much attention to it,” Sanemi replied, defensive.
“Yes, that is not the ‘normal fucking mixture of nature and water,’ is Tomioka’s scent and the sole thing you were sniffing out of my fucking clothes a moment ago,” Obanai said with a big triumphant smile under his bandages. Sanemi could tell though, he could tell by the cadence of his voice and the mocking little eyes that were looking at him as his ears turned red at being caught so easily. “It is the stickiest scent I have ever smelled, it sticks to everything he touches and it lasts forever, the whole Water Estate is covered in it but is so natural that your head just thinks that is how things normally smell like but no, there is not a thing that smells anywhere near that, is like… bright, somehow, like nature and water enhanced,” Obanai explained.
“I am somewhat offended,” Sanemi stated.
“Why?” Obanai asked, laughing a little.
“The scent that made me sleep peacefully in the Water Estate is Tomioka’s fucking scent, I feel let down by myself,” he replied to Obanai’s amusement.
“Told you so… you have a crush on Tomioka,” Obanai said, he could not resist the temptation to annoy Sanemi, it was always funny to bring out the worst in him, it would never get old.
“I… you know what, fuck you and fuck your blowjob-height complex. As if we do not know the real reason you climb up that damn tree in the Master’s Estate, what a pathetic excuse of a bump in the road you are,” Sanemi replied. Obanai could not say that his height being brought into the conversation was a nice surprise, quite the opposite actually.
“Oh, ‘I do not like men’ butt-hurt Sanemi, as if you had not checked Tomioka’s ass before,” Obanai replied.
“I have never thought about checking any part of Tomioka, I do not like to think about Tomioka in general, I have always hated the guy,” Sanemi lied, and they both knew that it was a lie, Sanemi thought about Tomioka way more times that he would ever admit out loud.
“You, him and how many more believe that?” Obanai asked, his snarky tone made Sanemi boil with rage.
“The fact that you have wet fantasies with me and Tomioka has nothing to do with me and a lot to do with you,” he replied.
“As if… me? interested in your sex life? Oh, sorry, one can not be interested in something that does not exist,” he mocked Sanemi. “I have better things to think about,” Obanai added.
“Says the one jacking off every night at the thought of Kanroji’s breasts, give me a fucking break,” Sanemi replied, offencively accurate.
“You have no business looking at Kanroji’s breast,” Obanai replied, wiggling an accusatory finger at Sanemi.
“First of all, I am not looking at Kanroji’s breasts, they are pretty much looking at me… at all of us, to be more exact,” Sanemi replied, wiggling a finger back, taunting.
“I fucking hate you so much some times,” Obanai said, rolling his eyes.
“You want to spar?” Sanemi asked, completely out of the blue or maybe not so much really.
That was what they did, they were awful to each other and when one of them poke at some sensitive nerve they would get it all out sparing and once they were perfectly exhausted they would discuss it a little bit more in a more calm, serious and delicate manner until one of them inevitably said something stupid and playful and probably quite insulting and they would get at it again.
They were not in the habit of holding grudges, at least not to each other, they could say virtually anything when they were alone and they could be quite harsh to one another but they also knew each other's limits quite well. There were some things that they would never mess with not even in one of their little fights: Sanemi’s family and pretty much his life before or in the first days of demon slaying were out of the question, his father was a touchy subject that they could touch on from time to time, mostly if Sanemi brought it up first but never in a joking or taunting manner. Obanai’s scars and his life before the Rengoku family was also out of limits, they had talked about it but that was not something that Sanemi would use against his friend, ever. That was something Sanemi would listen to, something he had strong opinions about but that he did not share unless Obanai asked him about them.
Obanai’s immediate family was out of the question too and his poor eyesight was a touchy subject Sanemi preferred to stay away from. Even when his height was something Obanai complained about surprisingly often, it was nowhere near his feelings about anything that had to do with his eyes: their color, their functionality, no, that was something Obanai was embarrassed about and even if Sanemi thought it was completely unfounded since his heterochromatic eyes were quite cool, if Obanai felt insecure about them there was nothing to be say about it.
They had learned all of that the hard way, Obanai had pushed a little too hard to find out about Sanemi’s reasons for becoming a demon slayer a couple of times and almost earned himself a black eye, Sanemi had made a snide comment about Obanai not being able to see a bear even if it was right in front of him and earned Obanai’s knee being violently pushed against his stomach.
Surprisingly, Sanemi was usually the one who showed more restraint of the two when it came to physical altercations, maybe it was because he knew that with a well placed punch he could break a good couple of bones to Obanai, he was way more versed in hand to hand combat and even when he had tried to teach his friend a couple of tricks Obanai was better at slipping away than at fighting back. It had actually come to Sanemi stopping himself mid punch one time, a fistful of Obanai’s uniform shirt clenched tightly in his hand, the tips of his feet barely touching the ground and their noses almost touching each other.
Seriously angry Sanemi was not a pretty sight, it was quite terrifying to tell the truth, but even then it had been a surprise to both of them that Obanai had simply stood there, frozen in place and as silent as he had ever been before; for once he had nothing to say.
It had never happened again after that one time but they both knew, Obanai would know when Sanemi was struggling with his temper and would let go of whatever touchy topic of conversation he had brought up and Sanemi would have a stronger grip on himself all the time, he was faster at walking away when he felt that his temper was getting out of control which was not so often anymore and Obanai would not mock him with very malicious intentions for doing so.
Obanai’s scared face and frozen body was another not very nice sight, it was something Sanemi would never forget, Obanai was his wild uncontrollable friend and a couple of screams would have never rendered him useless, petrified in fear, but his screams had, Sanemi had done that.
Like father, like son, the proverb went but he was not going to do that ever again. He had always praised himself over his self control and the fact that he never used commanding voice or commanding scent on omegas. He had enough self control that he could stand right by an omega in the worst days of their heat and he could resist any urge, damn it, but it seemed that he was still a violent piece of crap and he had decided to never show that again to another omega.
But he had, every time he had screamed and threatened Tomioka he had done exactly that, not that Tomioka had ever been scared of him, or at least he had never let him know that he was scared of him, he mostly seemed bored of it and uninterested but how could Sanemi said anything if he had noticed just a couple of days before about the immense pain Tomioka felt? He knew nothing about him, he could not pretend like he did, and even if he would not apologize for maybe terrifying him in the past when he did not know that he was an omega he was going to stop that right away. He could be annoyed with Tomioka as much as he wanted and he could let him know that in a more civilized manner, even if swallowing down the urge to yell and spit in his arrogant almighty face was one of the hardest things he had had to do in the recent years, and yes, he was counting the beheading of demons among those hard things he had had to do.