The modern world and its confines compel us to order our lives according to certain standards without which we are bound to fail – in the traditional views of the progressive society. The beauty of life, however, lies in its sheer carnality, rawness and chafed savageness which it draws from human emotions—the prime of these being – the attainment of success, the need to feel fulfilled. To gain success is no easy feat. It's harder when you have fallen into the endless loop of victimizing yourself. If my previous article on victimizing yourself is any indication, you need to leave these thoughts in the past in order to succeed in life and as a human who has been bestowed one. Once you have begun this process of taking your power back and reclaiming your future, it's time that you specify your patterns of interaction and evaluates your actions.
Speculate yourself – do you blame your circumstances for your lack of success, or do you hold others accountable for the unfortunate events in your life? Self-evaluation is key to self-growth. It's a process that takes heart. Alas! It's not easy to realize that the reason that you've been failing and not seeing improvement in yourself is YOURSELF. It takes character and strong will to identify these patterns in one's self but rest assured, once you do cross this threshold, the sky will become a little bluer, the grass a little greener and your mind, a whole lot clearer (Brewington, 2018).
“I was stopped by the police on the way here”, said the man who was an hour late for work. “My manager sucks”, said an employee who wasn’t given an off day due to an overload of work. “My kid hates me”, said the father of a 20-year old girl because she told him off for his insensitive comments on her sexuality. The man late for work, the employee who didn’t get a day off and the father whose daughter told him off may live contrasting lives, in different corners of the world, yet, they all have one thing in common. You, yes – you – take a minute out before reading the next sentence and try to understand what is common between the three (Dsouza, 2015).
For starters, they don’t sound happy. Secondly, all three blame others for their unhappiness. Third, all of them have fallen into the practice of avoiding responsibility. Fucking epic, isn't it? How shit their life is, anyways - Come to look at it, they have another thing in common too – how they phrase their sentences. All three of these sentences have a "my" of "I" in them; that is, there is a reference to one's self. In addition to the reference to one's self, another element of similarity is how there is someone on whom the blame is diverted to for the person's irritable circumstances. The police, the manager, the daughter – all three are being blamed for someone else's problems. Have you drawn out the conclusion already? See, the man who was late must've done something to get the police on him. Law enforcement doesn't stop people just because they want to. Be it speeding, breaking the signal, or some other offence of law, the man did it. It was his fault that he was stopped by the police and not the other way around. Likewise, the person who didn't get a day off should've realized that the manager didn't make him sign up for the job, it wasn't the manager's fault for an overload of work, if the guy had somewhere urgent to go, he should've asked day and weeks prior, and if it was an emergency, then it's his choice. He chooses to work under his manager, he can leave too. It's his own mess to sort out. And the man whose daughter hates him? Well, he should realize that his daughter is free to make her own decisions and if he says anything which hurts her feelings, then he is to blame for being insensitive towards his own flesh and blood.
It's the choices we, ourselves make that dictate the outcomes of our lives. It's your choice and your life. There is no room for another, and if you do let others decide your emotions and your circumstances, then you won't ever truly feel fulfilment or success.
Kevin Hart, Aziz Ansari and Eddy Murphy, all have stand up routines which will make you laugh until your stomach hurts, but something funnier in the course of life is how people blame the literal, unavoidable hard facts of life for their unfortunate circumstances. The comedy lies in the irony of letting the physical, non-breathing objects decide your fate. And finding this easier rather than taking control of your own life.
“oh girl, the rain ruined my makeup”, can you imagine blaming the fucking rain for your soiled hair and wardrobe malfunctions when you could’ve easily shown up without this hassle had you checked the weather forecast and carried an umbrella. It’s an insult for you to do that – an insult to the human mind and progress – the very same mind and progress which is planning to settle on another land. Such a shame. This shame, however, comes easy to some people. And if you do this and don’t realize that you are, indeed, shaming your own race by not taking responsibility then you, my friend, are in need of a brutal wakeup call which might or might not be the words written here.
Hard facts – the weather, poverty, hunger, living in a poor neighbourhood or a country, not getting the same education as a rich kid, lack of guidance and unchangeable facts as such – the ones you cannot change, are out of your hand, you can't control them but what you can control - is a response to them. How you act to these circumstances are indeed what you're made of. Take control of your life and stop blaming things beyond your control because ultimately, the minute you wasted in complaining about a thing which cannot be changed, is a minute in which you could've lived, be yourself, try to succeed. And there are many ways nowadays to at least try, just think about it! Go around, think about how can you use your time and imagination wisely.
Blaming our circumstances or those around us for our shortcomings comes naturally when it’s all that we see around us. Most average men and women do this without even realizing and hence, sign their future off to other people (Ni, 2014). Once you start blaming other people and things for your life, you partially lose the right to call your life your own. Hell, others control it, how can you claim it to be yours after you blame others in the same breath?
For your life to be your own, you need to fucking make it your own, and the way towards a better future is – to stop blaming others and circumstances which are beyond your control.