Me vs. Matrix Food
feelings about raw vegan lifestyle
That’s easy winning, eating fried chicken.
The long-term winning is juice cleansing, cleaning the gut, then respecting it’s capabilities by eating only the things that nourish it and that it can digest.
That’s hard.
That’s hard to do when fried chicken is so available, and pizza is abundant.
Bread smells enticing and pastries are always vended on the route of those in a hurry.
I see fruit at airports.
I will buy fruit at airports instead of hamburgers and fries. Instead of croissants.
That’s hard because most don’t understand. They say, “why not treat yourself?”
They are eating the meat and the sugar and the salt and grease that is so immediately gratifying. They feel like winners, and they want me to feel like a winner too.
But I would be losing if I ate like everyone else.
In the long run I would get fat, ugly, sluggish, demented and fragile. The perfect host for the multitudes of bacteria and parasites that want to eat my body, live in my body, control my emotions to make me put more of them in my body.
They make me angry, resentful and wicked.
They rev me up to make me suffer. Then I self soothe with matrix food, and they win again, I put more of them in my body.
I am deciding to win the long way, the hard way, the lonely way.
Why?
If life is so fucked up, why should I try to improve the quality? There will always be hard times or challenges and sadness.
I will cope better when I am in my right mind. When I have a clear mentality and a calm interior, I will weather the storms 300% better.
Going outside and smelling the bread and the pizza makes me crave it. But being at home is easier because no one is eating matrix food in my home.
I can decide to use my tendency towards paranoia as a tool. If I believe the matrix food is a trick, I will play the game of outsmarting it.
I get to win by not giving in to garlic bread, cinnamon buns, pasta and pizza, mm, mmm, mmm.
If I believe that those foods are out to get me, I can position myself against them, like they are the enemy.
If those foods want to colonize my body, I need to resist.
It’s tempting, like sex. Sex wants to colonize my body too. I enjoy sex, I enjoy matrix food, but they both ensnare me when I indulge. They get their hooks in me and I become their slave, obeying every craving at the expense of my mental health and physical health.
Because the truth is that the matrix food doesn’t care about me. The matrix food and those who produce it are not trying to nourish me or help me get pain free or disease free.
They have one goal: conquest.
The makers of matrix food want my money regardless of how their food impacts my health. The food wants my body as it’s host, regardless of how their parasitic activity deteriorates my health.
In every city I visit, the locals will eat bread, meat and cheese. I will always need to be on guard.
What is worth this resistance? What kind of life is one of resistance?
I say I’m not a fighter, but it feels like I’m fighting when I need to constantly and consciously reject and dodge and hide from mainstream food culture.
Why should I live longer? Why should I have a better quality of life? I actually don’t control how long I’ll live. I could die tomorrow. It’s the pain from disease that I am trying to dodge. While I am alive, I’d like to be pain free. I’m horrible company if I’m in pain. But who am I kidding, I don’t want company, so that doesn’t matter. Frankly, hate the feeling of pain. All can agree with that, but not all can commit to not eating that which will put them in pain years down the line.
Here begins my battle with instant gratification.
I dream about the multitudes of bacteria and parasites that are expelled from my body, like spores from a mushroom in the middle of the night.
How clean, fully functional and pain free can I keep this avatar?
We shall see…