My wife has had some problems with food over the last few months, and they have got significantly worse recently. She struggles to smell the cooking of many different foods, cannot have a plate that is very mixed, and even with all precautions may be sick at short notice. Eating out is really a no go.
We very rarely eat together as a family, which is a real shame. She can prep a meal while we are on our way home, but has to sit down in a different room when we eat as she is too tired, and the sight makes her feel physically sick.
This means she has continued to lose weight fast, which means she is getting tired easier. We may find a food combination that works one week, but the next week it will not work and vice versa. Meal preparation can be really tough, as we will not be able to plan for the whole family.
With the reduction in what she can tolerate, we have had to turn to outside help. We were trying our hardest to make food she likes, but I am not the best at coming up with new ideas, and don’t have the time to cook. Additionally myself and the children still like the favourites we have eaten before, which she has now turned away from, meaning we have to cook multiple different meals most evenings. We have had to call in the cavalry!
So she has spoken to a friend who is a nutritionist. This lady also had her own catering business, and is luckily for us planning on doing so again. She has offered to make, a semi regular supply of batch cooked food that will have the right balance and help with my wifes healing. Which is the biggest ultimate concern – if she isn’t eating properly, then her body wont recover.
I feel a bit of a failure – we have tried so hard to be self sufficient in most areas, but have now had to admit defeat. But as I said above, with the best will in the world I cannot keep doing this job. I dont now have the expertise she so vitally needs, and my efforts are possibly making things worse. As my wife said ‘You just don’t get what my body needs’. Harsh, but true.
This does seem another step along the road to having to have more permanent help in place - I have said before how I get concerned about leaving my wife on her own when she is weak (https://mywifehascancer.blog/archives/688), but in reality it is sensible to get professional help with aspects of her care.
Never be too proud as a carer, we can try, but it isnt possible to be the perfect partner, and asking for help is a sign of strength, acknowledging our own limitations.