My wife has been recovering from her bout of what turned out to be Covid (described here https://mywifehascancer.blog/archives/887). Not sure where she got it from, but she had been in the hospital three times the week before.
When she was well enough to not have to be sleeping, she watched alot of the Stacey Soloman program about sorting out your house. And then has spent two days emptying her wardrobe and the cupboards, getting bags for the charity shop and selling things in Vinted.
It has been like an anti-nesting, getting rid of things. My parents sometimes joke about having to clear out things as they get older, to save me and my sister the task, and I worry that my wife is doing the same. I wonder if the Covid has made her think.
She is also getting very fed up. Not being able to go out is bad at the best of times, but this week has been amplified. And here I dont know what to do. I work full time, though have been at home this week. We then do some things at the weekend, but it feels like too little. Realistically she needs to be doing something every day, stimulate her mind, but with most people we know working, that is hard.
I have written before about cancer ghosting (https://mywifehascancer.blog/archives/582), and Macmillan also have some good advice on loneliness when suffering from cancer (https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/impacts-of-cancer/loneliness-and-isolation). I still feel that people forget about my wife, not intentionally, but everyone has busy lives. It is unfair for people to see her all the time. Dont get me wrong, she has some great friends who take her out every Friday for a coffee or lunch. This is great, and stimulates her. Then like today, I will be able to tka her places. We went to get her nails done, which after a week inside felt like bliss apparently. But I cannot do it by myself, as I have to keep on top of the childrens commitments, and work and the household.
She has also started getting bad nose bleeds. For someone on blood thinners following a DVT last year, these can take a while to stop, and she feels very dizzy afterwards. Despite this, the boredom means she is still continuing with the clearing and cleaning, which has led to instances like today where she decided to clean a lower kitchen cupboard and got overly dizzy, and nearly threw up in the sink. Luckily I was only outside, but it could have been much worse.
Her weight is really plummeting as well. Every limb is skin hanging off bone. She doesnt have much strength to cope, and gets very tired. You have to ask - is this the lead up to the end? I am not sure how she is going to replace the weight and muscle she has lost when she struggles to eat (despite the external help https://mywifehascancer.blog/archives/867).
Our daughter finished secondary school lessons this week, and only has the exams to go (https://mywifehascancer.blog/archives/875), so I am trying to keep things less stressfull for her, despite feeling overwhelmed. At times I feel that I moan about things too much (to myself mainly), and wonder what everyone makes of it. I hope they are sympathetic to my not being in touch, or not being reliable.
I feel so isolated from everything that is going on, and struggle to enjoy the things I used to. A change has to come, but I'm not sure what that change will be.
I have said before that the one thing I really find keeps me in place is listening to music. Unfortunately this week, the last member of one of my favourite bands has passed away, Dennis 'Machine Gun' Thompson of the MC5. They were arguably one of the most important bands of the late 60s, and this is a very sad occasion. So please,if yo do nothing else, click on the link below, and play the tune really f**king load, and Kick Out the Jams.