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Making Marriage

Making Marriage

Jul 08, 2021

Marriage is it all it's cracked up to be? There must be something in it I've done it three times now. Third time lucky and all that. Both my previous marriages ended up in unfaithfulness and heartbreak. Maybe not so much the first marriage it had died a bit of its own death by the time the final straw of yet another affair hit the fan. It left me at the age of 32 twice divorced, homeless, childless and feeling like a complete failure as a wife and a woman. One of the main points of contention apart from drugs and drink-fuelled fights was my inability to conceive a desperately wanted child that was of course going to solve all my many issues and problems. When I look back now I am actually quite happy that a poor baby or child didn't have to put up with all that because I know without a doubt things would not have got better that's for sure. My second marriage ended when I was a Christian, shock horror incredibly God didn't save my marriage. Was it Gods job to save my marriage? Or was it my job, my husband's job? I am not going to split theological hairs with anyone but at the end of the day my husband got someone else pregnant and left me for her on our wedding anniversary, the fact that he could have waited a day or gone a day earlier seems irrelevant now but he did kindly leave me a wrapped up gift of a little Navy and white bible with my name in gold lettering on it. Was that him saying to me that he was leaving me in Gods hands?

Long long story short at 36 I met Brian a six stone heroin addict who asked Jesus to come into his life and went off to the Victory Outreach Men's Home. There he grew into a prayer warrior a servant in the church a great fun lively guy who made every room light up when he came in. You would never have known that he had been in such a dark place. My third marriage happened on the 28th of Jan 2004. What a great day, year one was amazing as was the rest of the years up to year ten. Things changed, Brian changed he had surgery which changed him as he suffered terrible nerve damage, just as he was beginning to get over that he was diagnosed with Testicular cancer. More surgery and chemo too. He changed again. Our marriage changed our relationship changed our walk with God changed. We had a daughter that arrived in 2017 that brought about the most disruptive change to our lives when we still hadn't looked at or dealt with the previous changes. Our little girl was a gift from God how could we complain about our marriage or situation. Brian wasn't and still isn't able to share the effect all of these changes have had on him personally. One day though the breakthrough will come. Marriage number three is safe at the moment very difficult but safe. Of course, we love each other, of course, we want to be together for the rest of our lives do I find the changes in my husband hard to deal with, yes of course I do, does that mean I love him any less of course not.

Life is not easy and if you think that being a Christian makes life any easier then your wrong. Life and all its ups and downs still happen but the one thing that being a Christian does give you is the strength and the ability to not lean on your own rash thinking and judgements. The relationship between me and God has strengthened in the hard times and I trust in Him to bring us through these difficult years into a fresh new place in our marriage.

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