[T/N] I apologize for grammar mistakes and incoherencies
Chapter 29: Foolish Love
The sudden intrusion without Yihwaa's warning made me jump and use my foot to forcefully push Korn's shoulder, causing him to fall back onto the sofa.
Thud!!!!!
"Ouch, you ungrateful wife, that hurt, you know?!"
"Hahahaha."
Yihwaa burst out laughing uncontrollably, as if she enjoyed my reaction. I felt a bit awkward, before breaking into laughter as well and reaching out to Korn.
"Get up, hold my hand."
Smack!
Korn forcefully brushed my hand away in annoyance, then suddenly stood up to his full height and scooped me up before slamming me down onto the sofa with force.
Thud!!
"Ouch! That hurt!!" I complained.
"Well, you deserved it!" Korn sneered at me like a villain in a Thai drama. I grabbed a pillow and threw it at him, then ran to hide behind Yihwaa. When Korn threw the pillow back, it hit Yihwaa's face squarely.
"Hahaha." The two of us burst out laughing in delight. Yihwaa then got worked up.
"Hey, you crazy ones!! Indecent acts behind my back in the middle of the house are not enough, now you want to hurt each other too, huh?!"
Whack!
Thud!
Korn and I got hit by the pillow one after the other in an orderly manner, and after that, no one was willing to give in. It was a pillow fight that got messy and chaotic~
…
In the evening, we went out to eat together, with a local menu of shrimp paste chili dip with fried mackerel, and clear soup. But let me tell you, it was incredibly delicious, and the price was not expensive at all. We were in Amphawa, so having fancy steak wasn't really our thing. We ended up eating something homey, and the atmosphere was just better that way. After finishing our meal, we went back to Korn's place, chatting and watching a movie a bit. Yihwaa then excused herself to go to her room. As for me and Korn, we kept chatting nonsense until almost 11 PM, our bellies and eyes feeling heavy. We then pulled out the sofa bed, each taking a pillow, and didn't bother with blankets, as the weather was pleasantly cool without needing a fan.
We lay gazing at the ceiling in the darkness, with a bit of moonlight streaming in from the window, and the occasional crickets chirping. For someone not used to it, it would be normal to have trouble sleeping, but not for us. We were already accustomed to it.
"Do you think we'll be together for a long time?" Korn suddenly asked.
"How would I know, we might break up tomorrow."
"Your mouth is quite auspicious."
"Well, who can predict the future, I'm not Nostradamus." I replied with a light chuckle.
"As long as we don't get bored of each other and don't fight too intensely, we can probably stay together for a long time, right? The basics of a couple's life, what are they, really? Just a few things - sex, love, and supporting each other. As long as those feelings are still there, it should be okay."
"What you said is true." Korn admitted.
"Isn't it..."
"But I've never even thought of cheating on you, you know. I'm someone who is very loyal in love, partly because I have an older sister, so I've never once deceived a woman. If anyone did that to my sister Kawin, I wouldn't like it."
Korn spoke in a calm tone, as if just telling a general story, before interlocking his hands behind his head.
"Your lifestyle is so different from mine."
"Of course. You're a womanizing flirt, changing girlfriends like playing."
"Even though I change partners often, I still date them one at a time, you know. I've never dated one person while pursuing another. And don't assume that just because I notice attractive women, it means I'm a womanizer. That's a natural reaction for any man. If there's a really good-looking guy walking by and I can't help staring, then you'd be the one getting jealous." I teased him jokingly.
"Knock." Korn called me in a serious tone.
"What?"
"Right now, I only have you, don't I?"
"And where do you see me talking to anyone else?! You've been glued to my side 24/7 like a shadow, where would I even find the chance to wag my tail at other women? Geez, what a strange question."
"That's good then." Korn said, turning on his side to face me and giving me a slight smile. "I just don't want us to fight, that's all."
"Fight?" I repeated.
"Mmm."
"Why would we need to fight?" I asked, not understanding. It's not like me and Korn fight often. There are the occasional disagreements, as is natural when living together, even my parents who've been married for over 20 years still fight sometimes. So it's no big deal for us. But the kind of intense fights where we'd physically lash out at each other, that's only happened one time when I misunderstood him about Pleng. Other than that, it's never happened, because I'm not the type to nitpick, I'm more of a laid back person when it comes to Korn.
Even if he's been with others physically. I'm not mad, it's not that I don't get jealous, I do, but I'm more worried than anything. I know Korn wouldn't do that.
As for me, like I said, I do change girlfriends often, I like to flirt, tease, and pursue, all over the place. But I don't sleep around as a pastime, I date them one at a time. If we're not compatible or I get bored, we just break it off. Before I was with Korn, the girls would also get tired of me. Now that I'm with Korn, I may still occasionally notice other attractive men or women, because I'm an aggressive pursuer by nature, but I've never been physically unfaithful.
The reason I don't use the term "cheating" is because cheating implies dividing your heart between others.
But being physically unfaithful, the straightforward meaning, is going and being intimate with someone who is not your spouse or partner.
This is just my own logic, haha.
"If I were to do something with someone else, you probably wouldn't mind, but I would definitely get jealous if you did that. Don't do it." Korn said, to which I just laughed.
"I'm not doing it, I'm too lazy to argue with you, you are a complaining nag of a human being, I'm going to sleep, I'm sleepy." I yawned incoherently, before lying down on my side, turning my back to the other party. Korn propped himself up and then leaned in to kiss my forehead.
"Sweet dreams."
I was silent for a moment. Korn lay back down in the same spot. But I turned around to see him, his eyes closed. So I pressed my lips firmly onto his lips, once, and he opened his eyes almost immediately, and I smiled widely until my eyes squinted.
"Sweet dreams to you too."
"If you didn't want to sleep, why didn't you say so?"
Korn asked a sentence that confused me . That's not enough. All of a sudden, he climbed on top of me until I was struggling to move. I stared at him wide-eyed.
"Don't be crazy, get off!" I pushed his shoulder, but now Korn has perfectly transformed into a fully awake one, trying to take off my pants.
"No! Yihwaa is here!" I cursed him in a whisper.
"If Yihwaa hears, that means you're speaking too loud." He made a deep, raspy, incredibly charismatic voice to me, making my heart skip a beat for a moment.
"No!"
But Korn wouldn't give up, leaning down to just kiss me.
"I said no, Korn. If you don't listen to me, I'll really get mad." I gave him a serious look. Korn then, sighing annoyingly, finally got off of me. I let out a sigh of relief.
Ugh, why does my life have to be like this? It's good to be a normal person. Ah, about being penetrated, I really don't want to share the tears with anyone, T^T.
"Let's go back to Bangkok first. You're done." Korn chuckled in his throat at me.
"I'm done, but you might not be, because if you do it, as soon as I'm done, I'll kick you off, flying away. The rest, you can just take care of yourself." I chuckled back at him.
"Oh, how cruel..." Korn whined in a pitiful voice, probably scared I would really do it.
"Sleep, that's enough." I cut him off and closed my eyes immediately. Korn himself must have fallen asleep too, because I didn't hear him respond anymore, but I felt him reach out and hug me, damn, so smooth.
===
Me, Korn, and Yihwaa, spent just a few more days of traveling in Amphawa, because Yihwaa has an appointment with her friends to run errands at the university. After we parted ways, me and Korn went back to his room. It seems that Korn's sister had already met with Pleng and had dinner with Pleng's mother, so she wanted to talk to Korn about how it went, so she called Korn to make him go out to eat with her. While Korn went to see his sister, I took the opportunity to go out on my own for a day, but I told him that I would be going out, otherwise Korn would have cursed me to death if I went anywhere without telling him.
I went on a trip with my two close friends from university, their names are Ben and another friend named Phubet, who had already gone ahead and waited for us at the club. They are both very good-looking, super popular. When I'm with them, the girls just flock around us, because our group is very handsome, all three of us.
Right now, we're at our usual place, W Pub, the most luxurious and famous club that everyone doesn't want to miss coming here. As soon as we stepped into the pub, the waiters who know us well greeted me, saying I've been away for a long time. (Of course, with Korn controlling me like that, how could I come here?) I just smiled and jokingly said I've been studying hard, which made Ben laugh.
I haven't told Ben about me and Korn yet, I don't know if he'll be shocked or not, but he just assumed I've been away and not going out much because I'm busy.
Oh well, look at me in a positive way, =_=
"So where's your girlfriend now?" Ben asked as we walked to the VIP area he had reserved for us.
"Girlfriend? Which one?" I asked confusedly, because I don't have that many that I can't even remember who my latest one is. It's just that I haven't seen Ben for a while, so I didn't know which girlfriend he was referring to.
"Wow, you have so many that you can't even remember their names. You're really bad, haha." Ben laughed loudly.
"Don't just laugh, I'll just refuse to answer then." I retorted back at him.
"It's Plernpleng, right? I saw this one you're crazy about." Ben said. I just gave a forced smile.
"Stop it, my new faen is really strict and made me break up with everyone else."
"Hey, that means you're serious about the latest one, huh." Ben raised his eyebrows in disbelief.
"Yeah, I'm serious." I nodded. "To the point that I've stopped talking to everyone else and only date that person, I'm serious, haha."
"That means this one is really something, bring your faen for me to meet sometime." Ben grinned.
"I'll do that, just wait for the chance." I patted Ben's shoulder. "Don't be shocked when you see my girlfriend."
"She's that beautiful?" Ben mocked.
I just laughed... She's much better looking than you, anyway!!
"Okay, let's leave your girlfriend topic aside for now, let's hurry to the table, Phubet must be scolding us already." Ben said. I nodded and followed him. Our group has three very handsome guys, that's me, Ben, and Phubet. Now I'm the only one who is in a relationship. Ben is a bigger flirt than me, he definitely hasn't found his soulmate yet. As for Phubet, I feel like he's single right now, no woman has caught his heart yet. My two friends are both straight men, they only date women.
Me and Ben walked to the table, where the handsome and clean-cut Phubet was already waiting, with his beloved guitar. I saw him downing his liquor deeply, like it was just plain water.
"What the hell are you so stressed about?" I asked as I sat down next to him.
"That, drinking this much, you'll be drunk as a dog in no time."
"Well, screw it, I want to get drunk, I lost my job again. I have to get drunk like a dog." Phubet said, his voice calm, making me frown.
"Did the pub kick you out already?" The "pub" we were referring to was a liquor store where Phubet normally sang at. My friend had changed jobs many times already, because women tend to get infatuated with him, to the point of fighting in the pub, so the owner had to resolve the issue by kicking Phubet out. But my friend is really handsome, you know.
"Yeah, man." Phubet said as he gulped down his drink, "I'll look for a new job tomorrow, how annoying."
"Just sit still, will you? Your family is filthy rich, and you still want to act like a poor singer, what for?" Ben shook his head, not understanding.
"I want my dad to know that I can earn my own money, not just beg." Phubet said. I gave him a pat on the shoulder.
"The money you made all month, you spent it all in one night, buddy."
"I think Knock is right, hahaha." Ben burst out laughing immediately.
"Shut up, you assholes who like to rub it in!"
Phubet cursing us made me amused, until I turned and saw a woman in the corner of the store, being forcefully dragged by a man against her will. I turned to my friend.
"Wait, I'll be back, going to have a smoke."
"Okay."
After saying that, I stood up to my full height and went straight to the corner of the store where the incident was taking place. I didn't say anything to Pleng, but I shoved the bastard's shoulder with full force, making him stumble.
"The woman doesn't want it, so don't do shitty things, man. This isn't some jungle or lawless town." I glared at him with a serious face, and clenched my fist, ready to punch his face any moment. That wimp seemed to assess the situation with his eyes and realized he couldn't take me, given the difference in our sizes, as he was much shorter, so he cursed and walked away. I watched him until he disappeared from sight, then turned to the unfortunate woman.
"Are you alright... Pleng???"
I stood there, mouth agape, when I clearly saw the woman's face. Pleng's hair was disheveled, her white arms were full of marks, because that bastard had gripped her arm, not to mention the bruise on the corner of her mouth.
"Did that guy hit you?!" My eyes shone with rage, and I was about to run after that bastard, but Pleng tightly hugged my arm.
"Knock, boo hoo. Knock, don't go, Pleng is scared, boo hoo..." Pleng sobbed hard, making me exhale and pull her close to my chest, gently stroking her hair.
"It's okay, Pleng. I am here now..."
Even though she's just my ex-girlfriend, I really can't stand seeing her like this.
"Knock... sniff... I am so scared, Knock."
Pleng sobbed in my embrace.
"I will take you back to your condo, Pleng, you shouldn't stay here any longer." I lowered my head and said to her.
"Ah, um, but Knock, you have to stay with me first, I am scared..." She spoke in a trembling voice, her whole body shaking, and I understood that what she had experienced was beyond what a woman alone could endure.
"Who did you come with?" I couldn't help but ask, because I didn't think a woman would come to a place like this alone, except for Yihwaa, that girl, even if it's the Himalayas, she can go alone, = = so strong that I thought she was the daughter of Chutchairat!
"I was stressed because my mother set me up with Korn, so I came to drink alone."
"It's okay now, I'll take Pleng home, let's go."
I called Ben and Phubet and told them I had an urgent errand, and they cursed me all the way to the grave, but I cut them off and quickly hung up, because I had something to do, I couldn't leave Pleng in the middle, it really itched, because she was feeling bad about what had happened, but just as I was about to take Pleng out of here, a woman blocked my way, and that woman, turned out to be a woman I knew well!!
"Where are you going, Knock!!"
"Yihwaa!!!"
What a coincidence!!
The world is round!!!
Rug to wipe your feet on!!!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
There are hundreds of pubs in the country, why, why did we have to come to the same one today, seriously!!
"What are you doing here?" I gave her a questioning look.
"You're the one, running away from your husband, aren't you!" Yihwaa spoke calmly. She glanced at Pleng and emphasized the word 'husband' at me, causing Pleng to bite her lip tightly out of hurt.
This girl! So cruel!
"No, I have permission." I spoke the first sentence loudly and clearly. The second sentence was lighter, like a feather. Due to embarrassment, I never imagined that one day someone like me would have to be under someone else's command, struggling to break free, it even hurts my liver just thinking about it!
"And does he know you're here picking up a woman?" Yihwaa continued to bite me.
"Pleng was assaulted. So I'm just helping and taking her home." I explained.
"Planned, huh." Yihwaa said.
"Knock..." Pleng groaned in her throat, her body shaking again with fear, causing me to sigh softly.
"Yihwaa... the woman who is really about to be kidnapped, is scared like this, can't she?"
"But I don't believe it! If someone is going to be kidnapped, why does it have to be her, you can say she came alone, but I came alone too, so why don't they kidnap me?"
"So you want to be kidnapped?" I asked her in disgust.
"Just sending her up in a taxi is enough." Yihwaa cut me off.
And this is the first time I felt she was a heartless woman.
"Yihwaa. You make me feel like you have a dark heart."
"Knock!!" Yihwaa frowned at me.
"Pleng is in such a bad state, and you still want to see the world in a negative way, I don't know. You can go report Korn if you want. I'll go take Pleng to the condo."
I put my arm around Pleng's shoulder and walked past Yihwaa immediately without paying attention to her anymore. Damn it, Yihwaa shouldn't be like this. I'm really disappointed in her.
KNOCK PART END
…
START >>> YIWA PART
Oh no!! This is definitely going to be a disaster.
Knock believes that woman more than me! But damn it. I don't trust that bitch at all, am I the only one who can see that those bruises might be from makeup! Am I the only one who saw her shed tears and sneer at me when Knock didn't believe me and said I have a dark heart!!
Plus, this tanned skin guy is really stupid, he easily falls for a woman's tricks, so stupidly, like always. And he even dares to challenge me to call her husband!
I'll definitely report it!
Let me tell you what I did. I didn't want Knock and Korn to fight, but I'm worried about him, because I think this must be a scam for sure. I took out my iPhone from my pants pocket before quickly dialing Korn's number. After waiting a moment, he answered with a groggy voice.
(Hello)
"Ohhh, Korn, great, your wife is already being picked up by a woman, and you're still sleeping peacefully! I want to clap one two one two three one two one to celebrate for you for real!"
I mocked him at length, irritated that he never did anything the way I wanted, but it seems my words made Korn regain his senses.
(My wife... Knock?)
"Are you so drunk that you can't even remember your own wife!"
(Why, a woman picking her up? What woman?) It seems Korn's senses are gradually returning to his brain!
"It's that Pleng, his ex-girlfriend, she's pretending to be assaulted to have Knock take her home, you better hurry out and get your wife back right now. I'll drive after them and tell you where they went, okay."
(I'm at my mom's house now, if I am to drive out, won't my mom scold me.)
"Should you wait for your wife to be raped first?" I mocked him.
(Okay, I am coming out, that's it.)
Korn quickly hung up on me. As for me, I rushed to the parking lot to follow Knock's car, as it didn't seem to have gone too far because the exit from the pub was extremely congested. I chased after it, keeping a distance of about two cars so that Knock wouldn't know I was following...
I haven't slapped anyone in a long time. After the incident with an old rival from high school, but I'm not sure if Plernpleng might make me administer a slap again...
"If she tricks my friend, I'll slap her so hard, just watch!"
YIWA PART END
Chapter 30: No Brain, Less Heart
"If it wasn't for you, there wouldn't be any of this either...
Both the brain and the heart."
KNOCK PART
"Pleng...we're here..."
I supported the slender figure of Plernpleng, my ex-girlfriend with whom I once had a good relationship, all the way to the door of her condominium unit. I know this well because I once came here too.
"My head is so dizzy, Knock." She said, leaning slightly towards me.
"You can give the key to your room. I'll let myself in." I opened the palm of her room key, Pleng, and handed her the bag, standing by the door as if she was dizzy. Seeing that, I quickly unlocked the door and escorted her into the room, before helping her to the bed, but...
"Hey!"
"Ow!"
Both of us cried out as Pleng stumbled and fell onto the bed, but she panicked and grabbed my arm, causing my body to fall on top of hers. We looked into each other's eyes, like in those sappy movies often seen on TV, and for a moment, my usual instincts flashed in my mind, as if I intuitively knew what she wanted, but the battle between good and evil began…
Hey. You already have a girlfriend, are you really going to do this?
You're messing around with your ex, man. Only a terrible person would do something like that...
But how long have I been getting the short end of the stick?
I want to have what I want too, man...
A lot of reasons clashed in my head, and Korn’s face floated into my mind, making me quickly pull away and turn my back to her. Pleng also fell silent. I heard her move, and after a moment, her sweet voice spoke from behind me.
"Why, Knock?"
"I already have a boyfriend, Pleng. I don’t want to betray Korn..." I told her directly, without turning to look at her.
"But you were willing to betray me and have sex with him, even though we were together at that time..."
"..."
“…”
I looked up into her eyes.
"I’m sorry..."
"I don't want an apology! I want that man out of our lives! He shouldn’t have been involved in the first place. Why should I have to tolerate it? I won’t stand for it. Knock, do you hear that I won’t stand for it!!"
She lashed out at me in a way I had never seen before, and before I realized it, her soft, jelly-like lips, giving a gentle feminine sensation, pressed against mine firmly, and she initiated the kiss. It’s not difficult for a man to resist a woman...
But it’s very hard for a man who wants sex...
Without love...
I had sex with Korn because I loved him...
But it’s a different story from what I wanted to do now. Being the one in control of the sexual romance and being on the receiving end are completely different feelings, and Pleng pushed me against the wall. Her kisses grew hotter with each passing moment, and I couldn’t deny that I instinctively responded as a man. Unfortunately, we...
Forgot to lock the door.
The sound of knocking on the door and calling out came several times. I snapped back to my senses, but at that moment, the doorknob was instinctively turned by the person outside. Pleng and I pulled away from each other because neither of us noticed the door. Pleng probably didn’t care about it either...
Yihwaa's face turned pale. She slightly opened her mouth, speechless for a moment...
But the one who made my face burn with shame was the man standing behind her. Korn stood still, his face so cold that I couldn’t read his emotions.
I couldn’t guess anything...
Believe it or not, he didn’t say a word...
Pleng stood with her head bowed. We couldn’t explain because my disheveled hair and Pleng’s disordered clothes already explained everything perfectly...
I was careless...
I was completely at fault. I had nothing to argue...
After several long minutes,
I rubbed my face and muttered briefly...
"I’m sorry."
That was all. Yihwaa walked up to me. She looked at me with a deeply disappointed gaze, but what was beyond my expectation was that she slapped Pleng hard on the face.
Smack!!
And followed it up with a backhand slap.
Smack!!
Everything happened so quickly that I was stunned.
"Yihwaa, stop!!"
I shouted loudly to stop her and pulled Yihwaa’s body away. She was clutching Pleng’s hair and dragging her across the floor without letting go, despite my attempts to restrain her. Damn it. I never thought she would go this far.
"You shameless woman!! If today I don’t make you remember who this man belongs to, I won’t stop!!"
"Yihwaa!! That’s enough!!"
I tried to stop her, but I couldn’t hold her back by myself. When I turned to look at Korn, he just stood there, watching Yihwaa assault Pleng with an expressionless face, not even thinking of stepping in to stop it. I couldn’t even curse him because it was all my fault!
Smack!!!
Yihwaa took advantage of the moment when I was distracted and slapped Pleng again while pulling her hair. Pleng sobbed, but she couldn’t fight back against Yihwaa.
"Are you going to mess with my friend’s wife again!!" Yihwaa shouted.
Smack!!
"Will you mess with him again!!"
"Yihwaa, that’s enough!!!" I stepped in to block her but didn’t dare to push Yihwaa away because she wouldn’t let go of Pleng’s hair!
"I asked if you’re going to mess with him again!!!!" Yihwaa screamed so loudly that I flinched.
"N-no, sob... I won’t mess with him anymore..."
Pleng sobbed in fear. That was when Yihwaa finally let go and glared at me.
"Sort this shit out yourself. My job is done."
She then strode to the door and lightly squeezed Korn’s shoulder...
Korn exhaled deeply, then grabbed me by the collar and yanked me out of the room so hard that it hurt.
"Hey!! That hurts, man!!" I swatted his hand away in frustration.
"You’re going to feel a lot more pain soon…"
Damn it.
Korn's eyes today—they're seriously terrifying…
Korn took me back to his condo in a foul mood, and I chose to stay silent, silent, all the way there. We hadn’t spoken since he said I was going to hurt more. I kept rubbing my face periodically out of stress. Korn yanked me out of the car and dragged me up to his room in one swift motion. He shoved me in there with such force, and of course, I knew I was wrong, but I’m human too, damn it, using that much force—I got pissed off.
Bang!!!
He slammed the door shut with a deafening crash, not caring if it disturbed the neighbors.
"Yeah, you jerk, go ahead, use all the force you want, make yourself happy." I started off the conversation with him in the worst way possible. Korn grabbed my collar, pushing me backward until I slammed into the work table behind me with such force that I grimaced.
"I’m going to ask you one thing. What the hell is wrong with you, Knock?" Korn’s face was furious, but his voice was eerily calm. He gripped my collar tightly, while his other hand clenched into a fist like he wanted to punch me.
"Yeah! Go ahead, punch me!"
"Don’t you dare provoke me!" He pulled me even closer.
"I’m not provoking you, do it! Punch me! What’s your problem? You are acting like we’ve never fought before!" I looked at him defiantly, maybe because I was already hurting. So I kept pushing his buttons like this, not because I didn’t feel guilty, but because if I just stayed silent, silent, silent, and gave in to him, what would it change? He’s mad at me anyway.
"Knock, you’re the one in the wrong here!"
"Yeah, I know! I’m the one in the wrong! You want to punch me? Go ahead, punch me!" I kept staring him down, and just as I finished that sentence, Korn’s fist came crashing down hard on the table, missing my face by just an inch...
His expression now looked pained, but I knew it wasn’t because his hand hurt... It was because my actions had hurt him.
"Can’t I be the only one for you? Can’t you be a good partner like everyone else? Can’t you do that? What’s so hard about it? Having only me, is that so difficult for you? Tell me, is it that hard? Just tell me!!!"
"Yeah!!! It’s really hard! I’m a flirt, I’m a player. You know that! My nature can’t change, so what? What do you want me to do!!" I shot back at him.
"Why are you saying this?"
Korn gripped my collar so tightly that the fabric cut into the skin on my neck, leaving red marks that deepened as he pulled harder. It hurt more and more, but I didn’t care about anything anymore.
"So, what do you want me to say? That I didn’t mean it? That the woman invited me? Is that the kind of lie you want to hear? I’m telling you the truth. If you’re so mad, then give me a time machine, damn it! If I could go back, I wouldn’t do it. I wouldn’t even go there. Do you think I don’t feel guilty, don’t feel anything? But it’s done now. What do you want me to do? It happened, and the only thing I can do is accept the truth!"
"Do you ever realize how many times I’ve been hurt because of you? Do you even have a heart?" Korn clenched his fist tightly against the left side of my chest, causing a sharp pain, "Is that thing inside you a heart, or is it just a rotting piece of flesh, you bastard?"
"Yeah, it’s probably as rotten as you say." I admitted bluntly, "Curse me all you want, but I can only tell you one thing—I did it. I can’t change anything, and all I can offer you is an apology. Whether you accept it or not, I can’t decide that for you."
"...What am I not giving you that you have to go find it from someone else? Why? Am I such a terrible partner that you have to do this to me?"
Korn asked me with a serious expression, his eyes betraying his hurt. I knew he was in pain, and it hurt me to know that I caused it. I couldn’t say anything in response, feeling like his words were shaking my very heart.
"..."
"It’s a good thing it was Pleng. If it had been Cho... I would’ve thought you were a slut..." Korn’s words made my eyes widen, knowing he was speaking out of anger, out of the rage that came from feeling like I didn’t regret anything. I felt guilty every minute, but this is just who I’ve been for so long.
I might be able to change, but it would take time...
I’m tough on the outside... but soft on the inside...
And even though I was hurt by his words, I still managed to retort.
"Then why don’t you just let me fuck you, damn it!!! Lie down and spread your legs for me like I do for you. Don’t make me just a punching bag for your emotions! Are you saying you want me to go sleep with Cho? Then let me go! Let me go, and I’ll go do it! You’re the one requesting it! Let me go!!!"
We were using words as weapons, stabbing each other in the heart, caring only about hurting the other, no matter how harsh the words might be. And Korn and I are both men with a lot of pride, both stubborn, and sometimes neither of us would back down first.
I tried to get up.
Thud!!
But Korn slammed me down onto the table so hard that I went still for a moment, feeling a sharp pain like my back was going to break. How strong is he to shove me that hard? And because it hurt, I punched him back twice in a row.
Wham!!!!
Thud!!!
"Let me go!!!" I shouted at him.
"I won't let you go! I've let you go for far too long! I won't follow your orders anymore! Do you think I'm evil or something?"
"You're a stubborn one!!"
I pushed him away and writhed with all my might, but Korn slid his hand down to unzip my pants, finally succeeding! In one go, both boxers and jeans were off, leaving them all bunched up around my knees, while at the same time his body pressed against mine. Certainly, this time was filled with difficulty, as I exerted more force than necessary. Korn grimaced as I punched him several more times.
Thud!!
He grabbed both of my wrists and pinned them to the table with his hands, and forcefully entered between my legs without any hesitation or assistance.
"Ouch!"
I groaned in pain, feeling as if my body was being torn apart, gritting my teeth, my mouth tingling with the taste of blood and the urge to vomit rising in my throat. The first sensation that struck my mind was that I felt like I was about to die. I had never experienced such pain before in my life. Men are not like women who have lubrication to ease penetration smoothly, so right now it was both nauseating and excruciating.
Even though the person doing it might be a lover, the awful feeling remains the same.
"Ow!!"
I shuddered violently as Korn thrust in and out without waiting for my body to adjust, shaking my body according to his force. Initially, the pain was so intense that I could only hold back the sounds of pain in my throat, clenching my teeth so tightly that blood oozed, the metallic smell tingling in my mouth. Tears streamed from my eyes because of the brutal, rough tearing of my lower body from the ruthless actions of the other party.
I felt violated and for the first time, I thought I had made the wrong choice...
I shouldn't have gotten involved with him from the start...
I shouldn't have loved him...
I shouldn't have chosen him...
Otherwise, such a thing wouldn't have happened today...
My body resisted in pain, every time he thrust in and out, I felt like I was dying, no matter how I tried to relax or not tense, it hurt. It hurt no matter what it did! The liquid dripping down my thighs now must be blood for sure.
I was in pain for a long time, longer than it takes for the body to adjust and the soul to lead pain toward bitterness when the core is crushed heavily, and even like this, suffering well, and the feeling right now is terribly, with one question remaining in the mind is when will it all end. I am already dying.
Korn released his hand from holding my wrist and brought it close to my face before leaning down near, but I turned my face away to avoid the kiss.
"No need... I won't let you kiss me..."
He stopped upon hearing that...
"Hurry... get it done, I have to leave..."
My voice choked and strained itself to the end, my body trembling with sweat, many times having to discard the shirt tightly. Korn locked my face with his hand and leaned down to kiss, a kiss heavier than any he had given me, heavy, intense, crushing without mercy.
This is the first time I felt sad...
And...
Clear tears, which could only be explained by the wetness at the corner of the eyes. I clenched my lips tightly, not letting it kiss me, making it press harder against me more heavily and intensely than before, until I had to reluctantly part my lips to accept it. Korn had everything he wanted, because the pain made me numb and unable to resist, he struck into my body repeatedly until I had to raise my hands to push him away...
"Ah... A... A... It hurts."
The trembling body made my voice sound trembling and feeble! I couldn't hold back anymore, saliva dripping on my body, realizing that from tonight, nothing would be the same again...
At least, our mutual feelings...
I breathed heavily and heavily as he hugged me tightly until our bodies were intertwined completely, it was just a matter of desire, there was no love mixed in at all, just a desire to punish, a desire to provoke emotions, a desire for me to suffer alone. I realized he struck into my body two, three more times, then I could feel the warm liquid seeping inside, mingling with the bloodstains from the wounds. Korn withdrew from my body, looking down at the space between my legs, appearing somewhat surprised.
I gathered my last strength and pushed Korn away with all my might, falling from the table but landing on the floor heavily, it would come to help me but I pushed its hand away forcefully.
"Don't bother with me, that's enough, I won't die."
I spoke calmly and stood up even though my legs were shaking, blood and dirt streaming down between my legs, but I pulled up my pants and put on my shirt immediately, cleaning up was bullshit, because the only thing I wanted was to get out of here...
Korn leaned against the wall nearby, as if about to collapse, he took out a cigarette to smoke, while I still couldn't step out of this spot.
"I'm going back..."
I said nothing more and pitifully propped myself against the wall without asking for help. Korn grabbed my arm and yanked me around so hard I nearly fell to the floor, but I managed to keep myself upright. If this had happened to someone else, they probably wouldn’t have been able to endure it like I did—they might have collapsed by now. I’m not superhuman, and the pain in my lower body was so intense that I thought I might need to go to the hospital, but I kept telling myself, "This much won’t kill me…"
"I’m not letting you go..." he said, his voice steady.
"I’m going home." I replied shortly. "Let me be straight with you—I don’t want to see your face right now."
!!!
"Just let me go home. If you still care about me at all."
That was all I said, and it seemed like Korn’s hand, which was gripping my arm, started to tremble. I looked at him one last time before turning away and walking toward the door. But as soon as I reached for the doorknob, everything went black. The last thing I heard was Korn shouting my name.
"Knock!!"
I woke up the next morning with a pounding headache and my body aching so much that I couldn’t get up. The pain in my lower body was so intense that it nearly brought tears to my eyes. It hurt more than any time I’d been with Korn before—probably because this time, he wasn’t gentle at all. Even women, whose bodies are built to accommodate men, can suffer severe pain if things get too rough. And I’m a man—nature didn’t design men to take other men, so my body was torn and hurt badly.
I tried to shake off the dizziness and used my hands to push myself up, forcing my body to sit back against the headboard, despite the overwhelming pain. I slowly let my eyes adjust and looked around the room, finally spotting Korn standing on the balcony, smoking a cigarette.
"..."
I looked at his back and let out a deep sigh, debating whether I should pretend to fall back asleep or get up and leave.
Damn it! This isn’t a cartoon where you don’t feel anything. I’m lucky I don’t need a wheelchair with how much I’m hurting.
I leaned back against the headboard and let the silence cover everything. As far as I could tell, my body was clean, and I was wearing fresh clothes. Korn must have taken care of me, whether out of pity or something else. I guess I should thank him, because I wouldn’t have had the strength to do it myself—I was in so much pain, an unbearable pain that’s hard to describe. Even breathing deeply hurt, so just imagine.
I was trying to collect my thoughts, thinking about how to talk to Korn in a way that wouldn’t make things worse between us. Right now, it feels like our relationship is on the brink of collapse. One wrong move, and it might be beyond repair.
I admit that, in a moment of pain and resentment, I felt like I should never have been with him in the first place—then I wouldn’t have to live such a miserable life. But then again, when you love someone, you can say whatever you want in a moment of hurt, but in reality, you just can’t do it.
I rubbed my face with stress, feeling incredibly uncomfortable with how things were. Yesterday, I had acted foolishly and rebelliously with Korn, even though I was at fault for the whole situation. That’s why he treated me like this. But asking me not to be angry, not to feel anything, and just to forgive him because I was the one who strayed first—that’s just unrealistic. I’m human. I have a heart, and my body hurts. No one can feel nothing when they’re violated. Yes, I strayed. I let myself be carried away like any man might. But it happened, and it’s not like I don’t feel guilty. It’s just that I’m filled with frustration and pride, compounded by the other person’s scorn and emotional arguments, making me look worse and more insensitive. But Korn still had no right to treat me like this. Even if he stomped on me, I’d still feel less hurt than I do now. To be honest, the pain from yesterday made me think I might not wake up today. I thought I was going to die!
"When did you wake up..." His flat voice, devoid of emotion, asked, and I only then realized that Korn had returned to the room. I saw out of the corner of my eye that he had sat down on the other side of the bed, facing away from me, while I avoided looking at him.
"I’ve been awake for a while."
I replied in a flat tone, not turning to look at him either.
"Tell me what you want to do." Korn asked.
"Nothing."
"Knock, stop being annoying." Korn’s voice was very calm now. If I had to guess, he probably didn’t want to get so angry that he would hit me again.
"I really have nothing to say." I spoke calmly.
"But I do." Korn was the one starting the conversation this time.
"..." So I stayed silent.
"Do you know how terrible I felt about your actions yesterday? A sincere apology—did you plan to give me one? No. You’re defiant. You argue incessantly. You act like you don’t care if our relationship ends. So the summary is, we’re not together, but I’m the only one in love with you, right?" Korn asked me, his voice full of frustration. Normally, with my quick temper, I would have responded with something like, "Whatever you think is up to you." But because I didn’t want to hurt him any more, I answered honestly.
"I’m sorry..."
"..."
"I want to tell you that I didn’t mean to... but I can’t bring myself to lie to you... I really did let things get out of hand with Pleng. If you and Yihwaa hadn’t come, I don’t know if I would have stopped myself from having sex with her. If I say it was just an emotional release, you’d probably just call me a bastard again, but yes, I am a bastard. I have no excuses, Korn—none. But it’s not true that you’re the only one who loves me..."
Even now, I still can’t bring myself to say "I love you" to him. That one word isn’t hard to say, but when it comes to expressing it to someone you truly feel that way about, it makes me become cowardly, only able to speak in vague terms like a complete idiot...
And I keep telling myself that he will understand.
"We need to talk...." I said, after I had made up my mind.
"I'm sorry for making you feel uncomfortable about Pleng, Korn... but I want you to go back and think about whether we should continue to be together. If you feel that what I did was too much, then I can say that what you did last night was an answer to that. It's up to you to decide, because if you say you want to end it... then that's how it should be."
Korn remained silent.
He didn't respond at all. I just looked elsewhere, feeling a pain like never before. After suffering to the point of almost dying because of Pai... if I had to lose Korn, I had already prepared myself that I had brought it upon myself, but I wouldn't kneel to make myself more pitiful than this. I gave him the right to make the decision because I was the one who started hurting him first.
If he says 'end,' I will reluctantly accept it, and stay without him...
In real life, there's no such thing as love that's trapped together until it rots; there's only when the other party says to end it, no matter how much we still love them, we have to let go.
And I am man enough.
A considerable amount of time passed. Korn finally spoke up.
"I was hurt when you said you were conscious when you were with that woman... but it's still better than you deceiving me to save yourself..."
I was shocked to hear this statement.
"I love you so much, Korn..."
Korn's voice trembled and cracked as if it was about to cry.
"Okay."
"It's really messed up, the fact that I feel sad, but I don't want to end things with you, why?"
"I want to go do what you did to me with someone else so you'll see how I feel right now, but I can't let you go, every time. This is really messed up..."
I sat quietly, listening to its confession, biting my lip so hard that it was numb because I could feel the heat from my teardrops...
"What am I going to do with my own stupidity, because without you... I wouldn't have to deal with it, both in my mind... and in my heart, I wouldn't have to remember, wouldn't have to hurt, wouldn't have to endure any of that."
Korn's shoulders trembled slightly. I knew he was crying, and I also bowed my head because I was crying too. I wanted to move, but the pain was so intense that I couldn't. In the end, I reached out to grab a pillow and placed it behind the other's back.
"Can you give me a hug?"
Korn turned to look at me, and it seemed like I was also grieving just like he was. He reached out and grabbed me before pulling my body in for a tight hug. I hugged his back firmly, then he pushed me back and let out a sigh like he was about to explode. Korn's shoulders shook because we were both hurting deeply at the same time.
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry." I whispered vehemently, believing there would never be a time when I would look so foolish...
Holding onto someone so dearly...
And apologizing repeatedly like a madman...
KNOCK PART END