[T/N] I apologize for grammar mistakes and incoherencies
Chapter 93: #11.
After crossing the sea barrier, there was a long sandy beach covered in darkness during the evening. On the beach, there were dark waves that came and went, and the dark sky was filled with unseen stars, unlike in Seoul. There were no convenience stores around, only a few small gas pumps and rundown hotels.
There was a sound of a car door opening from behind, followed by the sound of footsteps coming closer. There was nowhere to escape now... Sangwoo stood still, feeling a genuine sense of fear, but Jaeyoung walked past him. The other person walked naturally with his hands in his pockets, as if he was just wandering around.
Jaeyoung walked on the sandy beach where the sea grass grew quietly, until he reached a point where the waves washed in before receding back. He picked up a stone from the ground and threw it far into the sea. Then he stood still, looking up at the silent sky.
Sangwoo stood still, not moving, watching the other person. The stars that Sangwoo liked the most in the world shone brighter amidst the darkness without streetlights.
Jaeyoung continued to walk on the beach before kneeling on the sand. Then he flicked a lighter and moved it to the end of the cigarette held between his fingers. The strong wind blew, causing Jaeyoung’s jacket to flutter, and also blowing into Sangwoo’s black t-shirt. Sangwoo felt cold and coughed twice.
When he lifted his gaze again, he found that Jaeyoung was looking back at him, but it was too dark to see the other person’s face clearly. The feeling of wanting to see Jaeyoung, the desire to capture the other person’s face in his memory, came rushing in. So Sangwoo took a step back.
As he stepped onto the sturdy and descending stairs, his sneakers sank into the dry sand. He took a few steps closer to the red back panel, and when he saw him, he felt the urge to hug him from behind. But Sangwoo chose to sit one meter away from the other person and meditated, looking at the radiating light along the horizon. At that moment, something brushed against his knee, it was Jaeyoung’s coat.
“Put it on.”
Jaeyoung, who was now left with only a white T-shirt, puffed cigarette smoke into the sky and smirked. Sangwoo threw the red jacket back to the other side, but it came back again within five seconds. They had done this three times before Jaeyoung muttered nonchalantly.
“Do you mean for me to wear it?”
“No.”
Sangwoo slid his arm into the sleeve of the shirt before the other side could react. Jaeyoung glanced at him briefly before saying. “Just take the shirt. It’s the same whether it’s red or white.” Sangwoo did not respond.
Suddenly, the sound of solids hitting liquids and the loud alarm of the ship replaced the silence. Sangwoo felt a sense of emptiness. Even though Jaeyoung was sitting beside him, he felt unfamiliar, like someone who had gone far away.
He was afraid of everything, from the waves that crashed in front of him and receded, to the sea that he couldn’t know what was inside, to the darkness that made his senses confused.
“It’s great, I wanted to travel with you. And now there’s a chance to travel like this.”
Although they were in the same situation, they thought differently, as if every factor that triggered Sangwoo’s anxiety became romantic and beautiful for Jaeyoung. Sangwoo smiled slightly, thinking that such a positive outlook on the world suited the other person. When he turned to look straight ahead again, the scenery had changed slightly.
Unsettled waves crashed in and receded, a deep sea abyss that one couldn’t know what was inside, a wondrous darkness that made his senses confused.
Sangwoo was overwhelmed by Jaeyoung.
His heart beat fast and reminded him of that truth, the trembling and anxiety, the happiness and despair, the joy and sadness, and the multitude of emotions that couldn’t go along together were mixed within his heart. Before this moment, Sangwoo had no idea that our emotions could be so complex.
“May I have a cigarette, please?”
Those words escaped according to emotions. Sangwoo used to think that people relying on alcohol or cigarettes were signs of weakness, now he seems to know why people crave for such things.
“It’s not good for the body.”
Of course, Sangwoo laughed mockingly when he heard that answer. He himself smokes every day, but when he asked for a puff in return, he seemed surprised.
“Give it to me.”
Jaeyoung took a cigarette out of his pants pocket and lit it before handing it to Sangwoo. Sangwoo took the cigarette and looked at it for a moment before putting it in his mouth unnaturally.
He took a cautious breath, but didn’t feel any noticeable effect as smoke came out of his mouth. But if that’s all, he couldn’t understand why people get addicted to it. Jaeyoung noticed Sangwoo’s expression and suggested.
“You have to take a deep drag.”
Sangwoo took a deep breath through his nose as instructed before coughing because of the sharp sensation, then he kept coughing uncontrollably. He heard Jaeyoung laugh softly as tears almost streamed down. Sangwoo calmed down and looked at the cigarette that had been reduced from smoking.
“I’m not addicted at all. It’s just not good for anything.”
“If a college kid heard you, they’d cry.”
Sangwoo didn’t respond, he looked around for a trash can to throw away the cigarette. As soon as Sangwoo was about to stand up, Jaeyoung extended his hand.
“Give it to me, I’ll dispose of it myself.”
He could only stare at that big hand. So the other side added.
“I have a hobby of collecting cigarette butts.”
“Liar, you’re just making excuses.”
That hand moved closer and grabbed the cigarette in Sangwoo’s hand.
Jaeyoung looked intently at Sangwoo as he put the cigarette between his lips.
Then he smiled with his eyes.
“Kissing indirectly, my heart is pounding.”
Sangwoo forgot even the sadness and laughter he had given with those meaningless words. Jaeyoung flicked the cigarette on the sand before letting the silence take over.
Sangwoo wrote down various words before erasing them. He had so much to say to Jaeyoung, but he couldn’t randomly blurt out four or five words. While sitting there with conflicting feelings in his heart, the sound of a horn blared three times, and the waves crashed twenty-five times. As the gray clouds hung over the moon, causing the world to darken even more, he spoke up, softly.
“Hyung, you’re strange, unpredictable. You don’t care about time. You don’t know how to control your thoughts, and sometimes, you can be terrifying when angry.”
“...”
“Even though I know all that, I still like you.”
As soon as he blurted it out, his strangely relieved heart relaxed. Jaeyoung didn’t say anything and just sat silently, gazing at the sea. There was no reaction whatsoever. Sangwoo stared at the waves, feeling like he could manage his feelings after saying everything. If he explained the situation in detail, Jaeyoung would understand. Once he made his decision, he felt a surge of courage.
“I don’t like just anyone like you do. And if I do like someone once, I won’t hate them either, even though I’ve never felt that way about a human before.”
If he thought about the future, it would only be filled with speculation. But, at present, Sangwoo didn’t feel bad because Jaeyoung was sitting next to him, despite the fact that his heart was pounding as if there was a dangerous situation approaching, along with the heat radiating from his skin and the sweat oozing from his hands, all signs of a single action.
“At first, I thought you were defective… an error.”
“...What?”
“Even though I didn’t like it that much, now I don’t dislike it anymore. Both you and my own self who likes you.”
It was strange that, at this moment, he didn’t care about the truth that liking a man was a waste of time, and the truth that the other party would leave soon, because even if he said there were no black sheep, it didn’t make them disappear, Sangwoo’s heart was pounding with a brave feeling.
He did not understand the emotions he had experienced for the first time for a long time, until he realized its existence. He tried to deny it, but now he knows its identity well... Sangwoo did not overlook and did not despise the strange creature that had grown so much that it could control him again.
“I am very tired. But this is not your fault. It’s not anyone’s fault that I like you... It’s just a little wrong.”
He spoke with a trembling voice. As soon as he met Jaeyoung, he felt a hundred emotions, both insecure and ineffective. At the same time, after the joy came the inevitable shadows of sadness and pain, but even so, right now, Sangwoo was not sorry at all, his happiness expanded greatly, radiantly bright, causing his decision-making ability to become blind, and his chest filled with overwhelming emotions, so he did not hesitate to pay any compensation.
“What is called love... was it always like this?”
Jaeyoung, who sat still without flinching, lowered his gaze. Sangwoo then took a deep breath and asked.
“Are you laughing at me?”
“No, quite the opposite. I just remembered the three-line verse that you composed.”
“That kind of thing, I can’t remember.”
“S... Suddenly it started to rain. I... It’s terrible to meet like this. Yo... It would be better not to show up again. How did you forget about this masterpiece?”
Jaeyoung recited that beautiful and elegant verse, with a dignified posture as if it were an excellent poem. Sangwoo couldn’t help but laugh. Although he felt like the sincere visual words he had spoken had been swallowed up by the swirling waves, he still felt good now.
“Back then, you gave me a low score. How is it now?”
“Hmm...”
Jaeyoung tapped his chin with his finger and frowned as if he was thinking deeply, while the concentrated gaze of the other party was on Sangwoo’s face.
“10 out of 10, wholeheartedly. Give it a 10.”
When he saw his mischievous face, he felt as if he was traveling back in time to when he was walking to the library. Sangwoo waited for the next sentence with a mix of longing and sadness, accompanied by suppressed laughter.
“Very interesting, a perfect 10.”
“Why is my heart so wide?”
“Cuteness, handsomeness, attractiveness, sexiness... all a perfect 10.”
“...What is that?”
“With a total of fifty million points.”
“Why calculate like that? And why is it so new?”
“Um... let’s skip that issue. As a poet’s son, it’s kind of...”
“Really bad.”
Jaeyoung laughed mischievously.
Although he felt annoyed at the other party crossing the line with hidden messages, Sangwoo found it strange that he felt so drawn to it. Suddenly, Sangwoo strongly felt the urge to reach out.
“Come here, please.”
Jaeyoung crawled on his knees to meet him, as if he had been waiting. Sangwoo’s hand, floating in the air, landed softly on the messy hair that was blown by the wind. He tucked a stray strand of hair behind his ear before gently caressing it.
The shell of Jaeyoung’s eyes shifted slowly, the deep and captivating gaze veiled the light before revealing itself again. His serious face made it hard to tell what he was thinking, but Sangwoo was certain of one thing: the overwhelming feeling that overflowed from those eyes was similar to how he felt. The thread of their gazes seemed intertwined.
As their noses touched, Jaeyoung’s eyes gradually closed. Big and warm hands rose up to his back and wrapped around his neck, slowly pulling Sangwoo’s face closer. Their lips opened simultaneously, their kisses suppressing and sucking on each other without hesitation or tenderness. It was only a momentary rush and passion.
‘This might be the last time.’
Sangwoo reluctantly accepted the rough intrusion of Jaeyoung’s tongue into his mouth and fought with himself. What good would kissing each other do now? No matter how tightly he hugged the other person’s back. No matter how forcefully he fought against the aggressive intrusion of the other person’s tongue, he knew that it was useless.
However, Jaeyoung taught him that. Even if the radiant light lasted only for a moment before fading away, it still held value. If it was beautiful, if the nerves tingle in excitement, if it was present and shining, in this moment that would not return.
‘Even if it’s the last time, it’s okay.’
Sangwoo closed his eyes tightly and pressed himself against Jaeyoung, full of emotions. The more painful his heart became, the more passionately he kissed. He wanted to get closer than this. More than this, he wanted their bodies to touch, to know once again that he had ascended to the curve of the other person’s body... Jaeyoung hugged Sangwoo tightly in his arms, sweeping his tongue all over his mouth, breathing heavily, saliva mixed with sweat streaming down to his chin. Sangwoo awakened the nerves, memorized the sound of Jaeyoung’s breathing in his ear, and stored the temperature of the other person’s skin on his own.
Chapter 94: #12.
Suddenly, the sadness that had seized Sangwoo seemed to ease at the corner of his eyes, and a tear flowed down his cheek. Soon, it entered his mouth, causing Jaeyoung’s body to stiffen. Sangwoo didn’t want to see the other person’s face, so he grabbed his own T-shirt and pulled it up, but Jaeyoung pushed Sangwoo’s chest away with a tense face.
His trembling finger hesitated, afraid to touch his delicate eyelids. Jaeyoung cautiously used the back of his thumb to wipe the corners of Sangwoo’s eyes, but his deliberate action resulted in the opposite effect.
“Damn it... I guess you are crying again.”
“I’m not crying.”
Sangwoo stepped down from the other person’s curve and quickly wiped his face with his shirt sleeve, but the tears that had burst out once did not easily stop.
“No, today is not a sad day.”
“I said I didn’t cry a little bit.”
Every word that the other party spoke, instead of calming him down, made his sadness flow even more. Silent cries turned into soft sobs.
“What should I do to make you stop crying? Can I cry with you?”
Jaeyoung gently pats Sangwoo’s cheek with one hand, tapping the screen of his phone a few times with a face that didn’t seem right before yelling at the opposite party, who he didn’t know was who. “You guys bastard, don’t you know how to work?”
“I really want to go crazy.”
While the other party spoke to himself and hugged his body, the accumulated sadness burst out. While Sangwoo cried, Jaeyoung didn’t say a word. His hand, which still held the warm cheek, felt like it was being electrocuted. At the same time, he embraced Sangwoo. While the right shoulder of Jaeyoung became wet every time, it moved closer. Sangwoo cried loudly without embarrassment.
The arm that used to hold Sangwoo tightly seemed to gently suffocate his shoulders when it first lay down, without realizing it. The wet right hand still touched Sangwoo’s cheek, using the fingertips and the base of the thumb to gently stroke the eyelids, eyebrows, and bridge of the nose.
“It’s so hot.”
The other person’s fingers, palm, chest, arms, and every point where the skin touched, all felt hot. Tears welled up at the edge of his eyes and flowed through his cheeks. Sweat made the clothes stick to his arms. Blood circulated through his body. Everything felt boiling and evaporated when he released his body with the warmth that made his consciousness fade away and relaxed his eyelids. Everything felt better, everything that used to hold on began to drift away, like waves washing away the sand and then retreating.
“Is sadness that big?”
After a moment, Jaeyoung asked, and the other party’s soft finger slipped into the tailbone and gently touched the damp hair, giving a pleasant feeling like a summer breeze. Sangwoo leaned his weight on Jaeyoung’s shoulder and answered back softly.
“It’s okay now.”
“Are you sane now?”
“That thing has been missing for a long time. If I were conscious, I wouldn’t have liked someone like you from the beginning.”
“There is a reason for what I said. Maybe I can’t be conscious again.”
Jaeyoung released his tight embrace. Then he lifted Sangwoo’s chin, using his thumb to wipe the moisture on the corner of his cheek before meeting each other’s gaze.
“It looks like finally we’re ready to talk.”
The faint, hazy voice whispered softly. Although he didn’t know what the other party would say, Sangwoo paused. Jaeyoung spoke while their faces were apart, close enough for the tips of their noses to touch.
“Have you figured out the answer to the homework given before?”
Is it about that again? Even though he had been contemplating it many times, Sangwoo wasn’t sure if he would answer correctly.
“It’s too difficult. I don’t know.”
“We’ve come this far and you still don’t know? I don’t know if you’re a genius or just a fool.”
“I’m a fool.”
“Based on today, it’s most likely.”
Sangwoo took a deep breath, not thinking of denying it but feeling that he should explain the reason why he failed to complete his homework. He looked into Jaeyoung’s eyes, which partly opened his mouth.
“The fact that you’re going to leave isn’t the problem. I just need to be confident. I can endure it for a year or two. This feeling couldn’t happen to anyone else because until now, it has never happened before.” Sangwoo adjusted his breathing and continued speaking.
“But maybe you won’t be there anymore. You might become more popular, more attractive, change your phone number, have a girlfriend, and not want to see me anymore. Even if I say not to do that, it probably won’t be beneficial.”
After hearing everything, Jaeyoung just laughed as if he was having fun. The other party stared into Sangwoo’s eyes before kissing his forehead. That was Sangwoo’s favorite action. The second the soft lips separated from his forehead, he felt a tinge of regret. After that, Jaeyoung opened his mouth to speak.
“Have you ever heard that story about a person turning into a tree because they love trees too much?”
“I am just hearing it for the first time.”
“Well, I guess that’s how it is because I just got engaged a while ago.”
“What is it?”
“I wonder if you talked so much about backhoes until it turned into actual excavators.”
The direction of the conversation was becoming increasingly difficult to understand. Sangwoo looked a little confused as he waited to hear what the other person would say next.
“It’s time to stop doing useless things, isn’t it?”
Although their feelings for each other were passionately intense, it was still seen as something useless. He knew very well that Jaeyoung didn’t really mean anything, but he thought the other person had gone too far.
“It’s cute, but it’s also annoying at the same time.”
“What does that mean?”
“Look at it from a normal person’s perspective. The first kiss on the day you came to find me to play a game, the next day we talked and started dating, the first date was that weekend. We had sex and started living together, we spent time...”
Jaeyoung stopped talking and looked away before smiling and looking back at Sangwoo.
“I won’t say that it was a waste of time, because everything was so good and that means I can go on more dates with you. And how many more times will we have sex, you like it, right?”
“That’s right. I really have too little time. I’m sorry.”
“There will be plenty of time next. What’s there to be afraid of?”
Sangwoo frowned, they had less than a month left, but Jaeyoung said something strange while he prepared to argue. The other side laid their hand on his shoulder. Jaeyoung tapped Sangwoo’s head and spoke.
“The answer to the homework is, ‘I’m right here beside you’, you know?”
“...”
“You tend to just give up, isn’t it?”
Sangwoo pursed his lips, but no words escaped. Easy, right? It wasn’t easy for him at all. When considering the possibilities of hope, suitability, and usefulness. That’s something he couldn’t say decisively.
Jaeyoung looked into Sangwoo’s eyes with a curious gaze.
“At least try to say it now. Then I’ll consider your answer.”
“...I can’t do it.”
“Hurry up.”
“I can’t.”
“You stubborn kid. I thought you would have softened up by now, but you’re still the same.”
The hand that was once placed on his head slid down to his chin and lifted his face. Then Jaeyoung removed his hand from Sangwoo’s face and picked up his phone from his pants pocket again. He complained, “Damn weirdo. I sent an email to you. You didn’t even think about replying.” And then suddenly widened his eyes. “Oh... it’s here.”
“What is it?”
Jaeyoung didn’t respond and just stared at the screen almost piercingly. Sangwoo sneakily looked through as well, wanting to know and see, and found that it was an email in English. He guessed it was about the other party’s study abroad. Jaeyoung quickly scrolled down to read the content before blurting out a curse word.
“TOE-I.”
Sangwoo snatched the phone from the other party’s hand and read each line of the message.
‘Your request, which we rejected. We apologize. The applicant is an excellent student. We understand, but it’s a pity. Attending our school is not possible if his language skills have not been certified by your university. He needs to have the language skills necessary for his studies and we have difficulties in changing our required conditions for an exchange student. We hope you understand…’[2.]
Sangwoo interpreted the message without conscience before understanding its meaning in an instant. As he scrolled down, he found the full version of the message that Jaeyoung wrote, inquiring about exchange students, along with a game development portfolio, English language proficiency certification, and academic transcripts attached.
The receiver’s email belonged to a foreign university that Sangwoo himself knew, an engineering university in the same state as Jaeyoung’s college. Despite not being in contact, both of them independently searched for the same solution. This is evidence that Jaeyoung worried and tried to stay with Sangwoo. Even though the outcome may fail, Sangwoo’s heart beats strongly as if it has been authorized to never separate from the other party.
Jaeyoung lowered his head and peered at the floor before lifting his face back up. Their eyes met again, with no expectations or disappointments. The other party remained expressionless.
“Good, clear.”
Then the other party moved closer and sat facing him. Jaeyoung answered his phone and put it in his bag before looking into Sangwoo’s eyes with a serious expression. Sangwoo spoke first.
“I have something to say.”
“No, you’ve said enough. I’ve had enough of it.”
Jaeyoung firmly denied and placed both hands on Sangwoo’s shoulder.
“The email you saw... came from the engineering faculty of the state university where I went to study. Our university keeps repeating that if you don’t have a TOEIC score, we can’t apply for an exchange student program. So I contacted them directly, but it didn’t work out. I thought that if I could, I would give up everything and follow you in July.”
Sangwoo listened with a pounding heart before lifting his face in an instant.
There was one phrase that he had thought about and couldn’t let it pass.
“You... went to study abroad?”
The voice that came out was trembling. Jaeyoung coordinated his hand and touched Sangwoo’s forehead with his own until their hair touched.
“Your two-week exam period was just a trial version for me. If I could stand it, I thought I would try to stay far away. But I didn’t actually do it, I don’t even know how many times I went to your house.”
“Did you come over?”
“Eleven times. And I wore a hoodie to go to class with you three times.”
“Don’t joke around, there’s no way I wouldn’t remember.”
“Well, I don’t see you remembering. I attended Professor Pororo’s class twice, and on the day of the algorithm presentation, I sat behind you. I was a bit frustrated that I wanted to hear your voice, but then there was a crazy guy who knew where he came from and presented instead.”
This was the most unbelievable thing Jaeyoung had ever said. Sangwoo looked into the other party’s eyes with suspicion, thinking that he might be joking, but Jaeyoung’s face remained tense.
“That’s not the point... Are you not going to continue studying? Again?”
“I can’t leave you.”
“What does that mean? It’s not like that.”
Sangwoo sighed and tried to step back. Jaeyoung held onto his arms tightly.
“You know, what if there’s some crazy guy who didn’t graduate and comes chasing after you? What if you go help someone and that person ends up falling in love with you? What if you accidentally bump into someone and that guy comes to stab you? What if someone finds out about your existence?
What am I supposed to do then?”
“I don’t think speaking like this will solve anything. Why don’t you have any common sense?”
“I’ve always been like this, and after meeting you, it has become even worse. I take responsibility for it.”
“Calm down, hyung...”
“I can’t calm down, the time difference is fourteen hours. When I wake up in the morning, it’s already your bedtime. I can’t contact you all day, and by the time you wake up, it’s already midnight. You have to go to school, you have to study, so there’s no way for me to contact you, and I just want to know desperately if you’re doing okay, if anything happened. Did anyone come to talk to you?”
“Video call... we can do that.”
“The phone doesn’t really work, what’s the point of talking about video calls? I guess I’ll miss you alone. And then, at some point, it will explode. And if I ask if you’ve changed, if you still like me, you’ll probably get mad and say, ‘Isn’t this enough?’ ‘It’s disturbing my studies.’ ‘I think it’s a waste of time.’ And then you’ll probably block my number.”
“...That’s not possible.”
Jaeyoung spoke passionately for a while before stopping, keeping his mouth shut for a moment before looking up. He then rubbed his hands on his face and glanced at him again.
“I’ll make it clear, I’m giving up studying abroad because of you.”
“It’s not necessary...”
“Don’t interrupt and listen until the end, and then respond when you understand.”
Sangwoo closed his mouth, needing to listen before making a decision on what to answer, while he thought like that. Jaeyoung held his cheeks with both hands, his eyes showing seriousness. Sangwoo could feel his heart pounding heavily, swallowing nervously.
“Chu Sangwoo.”
“... Yes.”
“I don’t want to be your sex partner anymore.” ________________________________________.
[1] Useless. In Korean, the word is “삽질” (sap-jil), which literally means
“digging with a hoe.” It implies doing something useless, working in vain, like digging and getting nothing in return. Just exhausting.
[2]. Sangwoo reads email absentmindedly, so the sentence is fragmented.
Chapter 95: #13.
“I don’t want to be your sex partner anymore. People who alleviate your loneliness are abandoned... It hurts me. It’s probably impossible for me. I want to go on a date with you, have a meal at a beautiful place with you, go on trips with you, walk with you, sleep with you, be your life partner, be your other half.
How can two men be in a relationship? Well, see for yourself.”
Jaeyoung continued his long speech without taking a breath before abruptly stopping. The other party grabbed a phone from his pants pocket. Then, he opened a particular file and handed it to Sangwoo. It seemed to be an infographic that looked like the guy had made the graphics and charts himself. But after glancing through it briefly, Sangwoo looked at Jaeyoung with a blank expression.
“World population... ‘Blah blah.’ In nature itself... ‘Blah blah.’ Giving importance to freedom... raising awareness of human rights... ‘Blah blah.’
Making people accept it through laws...”
Strange. He was sure that Jaeyoung was presenting data and talking about something logical, but Sangwoo’s ears didn’t hear it. Among the things the other party had previously mentioned, only the words ‘life partner’, ‘couple’, and ‘other half’ repeated over and over in his mind.
“Hey.”
After a light tap on his forehead, Sangwoo returned to reality.
“Are you thinking about something else? I’m talking seriously here.”
“No, it’s not like that. I was just a bit surprised...”
Jaeyoung pressed his finger against Sangwoo’s lips and whispered, “Shh.” His eyes looked more serious than ever before, blinking repeatedly.
“I have a proposal.”
Even though he hadn’t had a chance to listen, Sangwoo’s heart started racing. Jaeyoung stared at Sangwoo and took a deep breath. Sangwoo held his breath unknowingly, waiting for the person in front to speak.
“Chu Sangwoo, date me.”
That was an offer that had enough value to wait and see if it was true as soon as he heard it. Sangwoo smiled widely. Although Jaeyoung hadn’t heard the answer yet, that image made his heart tremble with warmth and happiness. Sangwoo smiled until his lips almost tore, speaking softly.
“I thought we were already dating.”
“Let’s restart and date officially.”
The breath came out rapidly, as if running a long distance, leaving no room for any other words.
“Agreed.”
Jaeyoung raised his face, took a long breath, then snorted and turned away, looking foolish and excited at the same time.
“I’m so excited I thought I was going to die.”
Jaeyoung rubbed his nose roughly before raising his hand and placing his forehead on Sangwoo’s shoulder. The other party took a deep breath in surprise. Then, he held Sangwoo’s hand and placed it on his left chest. Sangwoo could feel the fast and strong heartbeat through the thin T-shirt.
Jang Jaeyoung was a person who was indirect and playful. At the same time, he liked to compare and had a philosophical nature. Sangwoo realized that Jang Jaeyoung mustered the courage to adapt to someone sincere and serious. At the same time, he was straightforward and had a righteous nature like him.
Sangwoo hugged Jaeyoung tightly without saying anything, using his hand to stroke the other’s back repeatedly, sinking into the warm and gentle darkness.
“And...”
Jaeyoung gave Sangwoo a big smile and then raised an eyebrow.
“I have something else to say.”
His opponent’s fingers twitched, and his eyes blinked slowly. Jaeyoung opened his mouth slightly, but then closed it in an instant. The opponent squirmed like a worm once again, appearing to find it difficult to match someone as skilled as himself.
Sangwoo waited patiently, but Jaeyoung kept looking at him for a long time, not getting bored. Sangwoo thought it was fine. At that moment, the other side slowly closed his eyes and hugged him tightly. Jaeyoung rested his chin on Sangwoo’s shoulder, whispering into his ear with a warm breath.
“I love you.”
Jaeyoung murmured softly, barely audible. Sangwoo stopped breathing, his ears tingling, as the sound of crashing waves began to fade into the distance, more and more distant. Only the quick pace of his heart beating, resonating throughout his body, repeated over and over again.
“From the bottom of my heart.”
Jaeyoung whispered once again, with a clearer voice than before. At that moment, Sangwoo finally exhaled, 100% believing the other’s words, with a margin of error of 0%.
“It takes a lot of courage, doesn’t it?”
“Hmm.”
Come here, let me hug you.”
Jaeyoung allowed him to embrace quietly, and Sangwoo held the other tightly against his back, clasping his face gently to his neck. Then he whispered softly.
“I never thought it would be like this when we left the house today.”
“How do you feel?”
“My heart was shaken as if it would die. But even though I feel like dying, I still don’t want to die right now... Ah, what did I say just now? I was out of my mind.”
Laughter burst into his ear, inviting relief. Sangwoo chuckled happily as well.
Although it was a situation beyond imaginable boundaries, after meeting Jaeyoung, such things could happen without difficulty.
“Hyung Jaeyoung.”
“Oh.”
“This is my second time having a lover.”
“And?”
“After failing for the first time, I thought I wasn’t very lucky in this area. But if
I learn, I can do well in anything. I’m still new at this, so please teach me.”
“What do you want to learn?”
“How do I love you?”
“If we study this here, it will definitely cause a big issue.”
Sangwoo looked at the overwhelming excitement that filled his heart with unfamiliar eyesight, the sweet atmosphere that resembled a sense of pride in achieving this goal, connecting with someone special, and that point was clearly different from other emotions. He speculated that he might often come across this feeling.
Sangwoo loosened his hug and looked at Jaeyoung’s face, which still looked the same as before, but he felt that everything had changed. Even though the other person didn’t do anything to their face, the corners of Sangwoo’s lips curved into a wide smile. Jaeyoung also had the same expression on his face.
“If you want to date me, pay attention to these three things.”
“It’s already decided that I have to deal with this.”
“From now on, don’t smile at anyone else. Don’t hug anyone else. And don’t touch anyone’s head. The right to look, the right to touch, those belong to me alone.”
“That’s already clear.”
Jaeyoung wrinkled his nose and chuckled like a young boy.
“No matter how angry you are, don’t cut off contact like last time.”
“Hmm, promise.”
The other party reached out a small finger. Sangwoo interlocked their fingers and continued speaking.
“I don’t like being manipulated. Even if I act arrogant, don’t push me around, but please explain it to me slowly.”
“Put the leash on. Now I am yours.”
Jaeyoung put on the leash that couldn’t be seen on his neck and handed it to Sangwoo. Sangwoo held hands and intertwined fingers, looking straight into Jaeyoung’s eyes.
“And... continue studying abroad as planned. Now I have the power to control you. I can endure it.”
Jaeyoung, who used to listen obediently until now, suddenly resisted. Sangwoo desperately desired to be in a relationship with Jaeyoung and have someone by his side, but what was more important was that he hoped the other party would not abandon his dreams. Sangwoo wanted to be a useful partner in all aspects, both as a supporter and a good dealer like Jang Jaeyoung, and wanted to be a developer who helped make Jang Jaeyoung’s designer world come true. He didn’t want to be an obstacle that blocked the other party, even a little bit.
However, Jaeyoung moved closer with a defiant face and whispered in his ear.
“I don’t want to.”
Sangwoo pushed the person in front of him and looked straight into their eyes.
“Don’t act like a little kid.”
“Who said we should call each other little kids.”
“You are changing your life plans because of emotions, you know. I have to set up a stand.”
Jaeyoung laughed, his body laughed silently for a moment before he opened his mouth.
“Do you remember my portfolio?”
“Yes.”
Speaking for myself is quite difficult, but me... I’m not inferior to anyone no matter where I go.”
“I know, but...”
“Right now, even here, there are even vacancies, the company I want to work for, the clients I want to hire, I can choose freely, and in reality, there is also a studio that is interested.”
“And what about it?”
“I am your lover, isn’t it? Just not studying abroad for a while, doesn’t mean
I’ll be completely useless, right?”
Lover. While he was attentively listening, those words made Sangwoo’s mouth hang open in surprise. Jaeyoung crossed his arms and sighed.
“To take care of my lover who is still a student, I must focus on my work and make money.”
It seemed that no matter what he said, the other party probably wouldn’t listen. Sangwoo represented both of them, X and Y trying to think of solutions to various problems, and then stopped thinking. He felt downhearted for a while.
“Hyung Jaeyoung, I have three requests.”
“Feels like I’ve turned into a giant genie.”
Jaeyoung reached out and intertwined his fingers with Sangwoo’s, playing with his thumb.
“First, in this situation, let’s postpone the release date. We have plenty of time. We need to add an unlimited mode, ladder ranking, and special quests.
We should start working on the graphics next week, right?”
“...Is my boyfriend a workaholic or what?”
Sangwoo accepted that remark and moved on to the second request.
“Also, if there’s a DVD of this semester’s drama club performance. I’d like to have it.”
“Of course, you should. I had to participate in the performance, you know.
Why didn’t you come and watch?”
“Don’t even ask. It’s a painful memory.”
“Just the recorded file should be enough?”
“If possible, please give me a Blu-ray.”
Sangwoo, who successfully reached the second request, moved on to the final question.
Lastly, could you give me some English tutoring?”
“No problem, but why do you need it if you’re studying here?”
“There’s something I need to learn. I’ll tell you later.”
“Curious, aren’t you?”
Jaeyoung smiled and lightly tapped Sangwoo on the cheek without saying anything. He thought it wasn’t time to tell yet. After reevaluating his life plan once again and gaining newfound courage, Sangwoo will return to a place where he no longer feared tomorrow. He sat by the beach with his new love, just the two of them, and the man was massaging Sangwoo’s hand, as if he wanted to touch every line on his palm.
“Just this? Is there nothing else you want?”
“There’s nothing else.”
“That’s normal, I’m ready to give everything.”
“Anything?”
“Anything.”
“Then can you give me a hug?”
“Oh, that’s not possible.”
“...Why?”
“Because it already belongs to you.”
Sangwoo looked at Jaeyoung, who was blushing with admiration. He wondered how the other person could naturally say something like that, it seemed like he had to learn a lot to keep up. Sangwoo was determined that tomorrow he would have to buy a few reference books on dating and understanding emotions.
“Finished talking, then?”
“Yes.”
“Then let’s go and kiss each other.”
Jaeyoung stood up comfortably on his two lazy feet. Then he bent down and reached out to Sangwoo. As he held the big hand, his body was pulled into the embrace of Jaeyoung’s chest. Jaeyoung hugged Sangwoo tightly, his arms encircling his waist.
“Why don’t you answer for yourself?”
“...”
“Don’t you want to kiss me?”
“Not just a kiss.”
I mean exactly that.”
“I have to buy a lot of necessary items, a gallon of lube and such. I haven’t had any some-some in a long time.”
“Is this your warning that I won’t be able to sleep tonight?”
“Usually the first night is like that, right?”
The soft laughter sounded delightful. Sangwoo looked up and met
Jaeyoung’s gaze. Then he saw the familiar ripples that flooded deeper than the waves in the sea in those warm-colored eyes. The moment the corners of his mouth curled into a smile, floating along with the heartbeat in his chest.
Jaeyoung swallowed quietly.
Both large and warm hands embraced the neck. Then in the intimate darkness of the night, the soft touch of the sandy beach, the gentle breeze of the hot season, the sound of the crashing waves, and the loud roar of passing ships all drifted far away.
Only one person remained, and that was the most excellent time in Sangwoo’s life. return 1; [1]
, Clearing rewards, .
[Chu Sangwoo] received a nickname [Boyfriend]!
▷ Learned skill: [Care for him, Level 1.]
[Jang Jaeyoung] received a nickname, [Boyfriend]!
▷ Learned skill: [Exercise patience, Level 5.] Move on to the next level....
________________________________________.
[1] return 1; The writer used return 0; before this between a scene because it correctly signifies a complete and error-free program. But if the returned value is not 0, but any other value, it means there is an error, which in this case, signifies Jaeyoung has turned into Sangwoo’s error himself.
________________________________________.
The END
