[T/N] I apologize for grammar mistakes and incoherencies
Chapter 66: Yellow, #8.
‘Are we going to be fuck buddies?’
‘Yes.’
‘Um, well... let’s try it out.’
There wasn’t really any problem at first, but it was clear that it was too good to be true. However, when he thought about Sangwoo possibly starting a relationship with someone else in the future, he felt so bad that he couldn’t stand it.
Jaeyoung felt a strong contradiction with his own feelings, causing him to have a headache. As Sangwoo said they went back and forth to vent their emotions and drain their balls with each other, that was the reality. On the other hand, the confusion that Jaeyoung was feeling now was different, it was an error.
“Are you leaving now?”
Sangwoo looked at Jaeyoung with a puzzled expression. Seeing his face, it seemed like he was going to leave. No matter how you looked at it, he seemed like a child who wasn’t mature enough to have love. I don’t know anything about the complex emotional exchange between humans, even if Jaeyoung explained his feelings right now. The other party probably wouldn’t understand anything.
“Are you going to go?”
But as he met Sangwoo’s gaze, Jaeyoung felt like his anger was slowly fading away. Even though the other party’s words were not pleasant to hear, it was due to ignorance, so he couldn’t blame Chu Sangwoo. Besides, the other party didn’t say anything that was unreasonable.
‘Is it really possible? How can we tie one person to us?’
Generally, love is said to have a lifespan of six months before it expires. In Jaeyoung’s case, it was much shorter. There were countless relationships that ended within a month. Although this type of relationship was never experienced before, he knew that even the intense feelings he was experiencing now would soon fade away. If that was the case, it would be good for Sangwoo himself to not have any unrealistic expectations and believe that what he was feeling was a feeling that he had never experienced before, and that it was a love that fate was predetermined.
It must be calm, clear, and not cross the line.
But this is not the time to worry about others. Sometimes, people are caught up in a dream and believe that what they are feeling is something they have never experienced before, and it may be a love that fate has predetermined, even if it may be for themselves. Jaeyoung felt a bitter taste in his mouth after just brushing his teeth.
Something in the middle. Not all, proceed, or stop. A yellow light that is not green or red. Jaeyoung did not like anything that was ambiguous like that.
‘Just interested in the feeling right now is enough.’
Jaeyoung slowly lay down again before raising his hand to stroke Sangwoo’s smooth face and planting a kiss on his forehead. The other side looked suspicious.
“Don’t worry about the future, just think about the present.”
“I’m not like some people.”
“That’s funny. And I don’t know what someone like that would do to me when he is naked.”
“That’s because I was tricked by you, hyung.”
“So what. Do you feel regret?”
Sangwoo looked into Jaeyoung’s eyes and shook his head slowly before leaning in for another embrace. Jaeyoung took a deep breath and used his palm to stroke the other’s back and shoulders, instead of worrying about the future that he didn’t know how it would be, he chose to live in the present, that is Jaeyoung’s way of life. At this moment, he wanted to do everything for Sangwoo.
“Sangwoo-ya.”
“Yes.”
“You don’t want anything? just my sneakers, watch, and hat.”
“No, just bring the hat I left in the car last Friday.”
“Or something else, graphics card, monitor, portable hard drive.”
“That’s enough. People who don’t know about computers will not be involved in anything, and the seniors don’t know how expensive it is.”
“...”
The conversation ended there. Sangwoo probably wanted to sleep.
Jaeyoung closed his eyes, his body exhausted from the intense love making.
“I want Veggie Venturer to be successful.”
In that context, Sangwoo suddenly perked up, as if it was the answer to the question of what he wanted. Jaeyoung hesitated before answering.
“Based on what we’ve done so far, the output [1] can be used.”
“That’s not enough. It has to be popular and accepted by people.”
That was a strange statement, because in reality, indie games cannot expect market results and therefore it is difficult to sell a lot. It is enough to use it to enhance the quality of the portfolio, but why does someone who never wanted anything become obsessed with gaining popularity in the market?
“Why though?”
Sangwoo hesitated to answer. He probably didn’t want to answer anymore, but he knew that if he kept being asked, he would eventually give in, especially when Jaeyoung was about to ask again. So, Sangwoo continued, “Because it’s a game that I made with you. When I think about it, I feel really good that it was a huge success and was well-received as intended. I want to feel that way again.”
“What is it? Do you think I’ll be impressed by you talking like that?”
But judging from the feeling in his chest, he was probably really impressed.
Jaeyoung already knew that Chu Sangwoo, who didn’t understand romantic relationships in the way of couples, liked him in his own way, including saving pictures, playlists, remembering eye contact and shoe sizes, as well as being obsessed with work beyond necessity, not just because of his tendency to cling to perfection.
Jaeyoung grabbed Sangwoo’s chin and kissed him on the same organ, the skin of his lips that had been relentlessly rubbed all night, still soft and moist as before. He kissed and sucked lightly, kissing, kissing, kissing. Then Sangwoo smiled and closed his eyes.
He changed his gaze to the shape of his lips, which had changed slightly. Then he kissed loudly, kissing, kissing. Once again, he found that Sangwoo’s hand was holding Jaeyoung’s cheek, and the tongues of both were intertwined, along with the changed lips. The gentle bird kiss [2]turned into a passionate French kiss. He didn’t know if it was the feeling or the desire that made the sensation that arose from the touch hotter than the body temperature. Jaeyoung was once again obsessed with Sangwoo with a confused feeling, while thinking that today’s performance left him sated, but the feeling of wanting another round with Sangwoo was still compressed in his stomach.
Sangwoo, who had spoken like that about being human and having enough sex for today, forgot his own words and set his mind to draw Jaeyoung’s tongue, and the tongues of both were intertwined, along with the changed lips. The romantic kiss lasted longer than expected. Jaeyoung pushed Sangwoo away before the stimulated emotions became too intense. The other party licked his lips with a regretful expression that showed through his eyes. He then used his finger to wipe the saliva from the corner of Sangwoo’s mouth.
“I guess I’m not human. I lack human qualities.”
Jaeyoung smiled and pinched Sangwoo’s nose with his finger.
“It’s a shame that we’ve run out of condoms.”
“Should I go buy some?”
“You won’t be able to walk tomorrow, but if you want to go, go ahead.”
“I’ll have someone at work get them for us. I’ll think about paying them.”
He had to hold onto the person who responded to the joke tightly so that the other party wouldn’t leave. Although Jaeyoung was in a state of reduced human qualities, he didn’t even have the strength to move one arm, so he wanted to sleep.
“Good night.”
Sangwoo ran his fingers through Jaeyoung’s hair before planting a soft kiss on his forehead. Jaeyoung’s lips curved into a wide smile, as if the man he was dating like to imitate whatever he encountered. Jaeyoung squirmed quietly, avoiding Sangwoo’s gaze as he lay on his back, staring at the ceiling, afraid that if he spoke what was on his mind right now, he would be kicked out of the room with just his pants on.
“Sangwoo-ya.”
“...Yes.”
The other side replied with a half-asleep, half-awake voice.
If he said what was in his head right now, he would definitely run out of the room in just his underwear. Jaeyoung curled up quietly and pulled Sangwoo, who was lying on his back staring at the ceiling to sleep, into a hug.
⌘W.
When he woke up in the morning, Jaeyoung felt a throbbing headache. He looked up at the ceiling, which was blurry and flickering, and when he turned his head to the side, he caught Sangwoo’s gaze, who had propped his chin on his arm and was looking at him.
‘I guess we should stay here. Really.’
When he looked at the clock on the wall, it was already eleven o’clock.
“Did you sleep well?”
“I’m so tired that I slept like a log and didn’t feel anything.”
“Are you feeling better today?”
“I don’t feel great, but I’m not so bad that I can’t move.”
Jaeyoung felt both nauseous and had a headache. He wasn’t in a state to worry about anyone else, so he drank a little alcohol, not much, but mixed several things together and was still energetic all night.
It seemed like he was about to faint without realizing it. Sangwoo, who was curious about his expression, asked.
“What’s wrong?”
“I have a headache.”
“Then go home and rest.”
It seemed like the other party was trying to drive him out of his own space, but he didn’t want to separate from the person in front of him. Jaeyoung pondered for a moment before finding an excuse.
“Can you buy me lunch?”
“Why should I buy you lunch?”
“I did so well yesterday, so you have to repay me, right? Yesterday, you rushed me and said, ‘Hyung’ go deeper. It was...”
Sangwoo jumped up on the bed and eagerly covered his mouth. Jaeyoung took the opportunity to hug him and speak softly.
“Look, you’re in the mood for another round again this morning. Let me find something to eat first before doing anything else. Don’t you know why the mistress gave food to the salvage[3]?”
“It’s not like that!”
Sangwoo frowned and slipped out of bed before stalking away to another corner of the room to speak.
“I understand. Yesterday... well... it was good, so I’ll feed you from now on.”
Jaeyoung smiled and walked to the bathroom, taking a quick shower before getting dressed and realizing that he had left his T-shirt behind. As for his pants, he couldn’t find them.
“Where did you hide my pants?”
“I have taken them to the laundry..”
“Really? You’re like a carpenter who stole the wings of a goddess [4], but you did nothing wrong.”
“You’re so kind, keep acting like this. What’s the difference between you and a python that ate the farmer who saved its life, right?”
The other party frowned. Jaeyoung walked to the hanger and examined the few clothes that he could wear. He felt familiar with the hanger because he had seen it often.
While he was examining the colorless clothes on the hanger, Sangwoo moved closer and spoke with a serious expression.
“If you borrow it this time, you have to return it. Do you understand?
Promise me.”
“I understand.”
Jaeyoung replied without thinking and picked out a dark green shirt and black linen pants. He looked at the tag and found that the pants were size 32 and the shirt was size 105 ‘L’ he didn’t know why the size was M, but he liked to wear oversized clothes like this.
“Don’t you have a white T-shirt?”
“I don’t buy white shirts because they get dirty easily.”
‘It would look really good on him.’
He complained inwardly as he put his legs into the pants. Once he put on the straight-leg pants, he felt like a nerd. The shirt that used to look loose and sloppy on Sangwoo now fits perfectly on Jaeyoung’s shoulders. The young man unbuttoned his cuffs and rolled up his sleeves twice. Once he tucked in his shirt and looked at himself, he realized that he didn’t look too bad.
Sangwoo pursed his lips slightly and looked at Jaeyoung admiringly. He already knew what style the other party liked. If he dressed formally or neatly without glasses, the other party would look at him like that all the time.
“You can stop staring now. You’re going to make a hole.”
“...It doesn’t look like my clothes.”
“Hope you like it. Want to go once more?”
As he moved closer and placed his hand on his waist, Sangwoo’s face turned red and he looked angry.
“No time! I have to hurry up and eat before going to my part-time job.”
“Just put it on quickly, be confident.”
“Crazy, why do that?”
As he leaned in and whispered in his ear, Sangwoo pushed him away hard before walking away towards the door.
When they came out of the apartment, the sun was shining in the middle of the sky. The weather was clear and hot like summer, they walked together on the main road before hailing a taxi.
Jaeyoung pulled Sangwoo to sit on the back seat and sat next to him, telling the driver their destination. Then he leaned back and lightly touched the hand of the person next to Sangwoo, without shaking his hand, just looking straight ahead without saying anything.
They went to eat at the Vietnamese noodle shop where Jaeyoung was a regular. Jaeyoung ordered beef noodles while Sangwoo ordered fried rice.
After drinking hot soup, he felt better.
“It’s better like this.”
Jaeyoung leaned back in his chair and looked up at the yellow ceiling before turning his gaze to the person sitting in front of him, wearing a cap like a singer, a checkered shirt that was a highlight of the engineering student’s dark jeans that he wondered when it was made. He looked past the clothing and looked at the person wearing it instead.
The other person was eating with a focused expression, closing his mouth tightly while chewing on the left cheek, then the right cheek. The person in front of him was just eating, but he couldn’t take his eyes off him. If he ate a little messily, he might have touched his cheek, claiming to wipe it off, but the other person was not clumsy, so that wouldn’t happen. At that moment, Sangwoo raised his head slightly and made eye contact with Jaeyoung.
“Why?”
Jaeyoung scooped a spoonful of Sangwoo’s bowl without saying anything and ate a bite, seeing the other person eating with a calm expression. He thought the taste was not bad, but the spicy chicken fried rice was the only dish with a good taste.
“How’s the taste?”
“I don’t know. The spice smell is too strong.”
“I mean, do you want to eat more?”
“Um... yes.”
“So it’s delicious, huh?”
“It’s not just that.”
Sangwoo spoke with his mouth full and started eating again. Jaeyoung let the other party eat, while he finished his own noodles. He had a good plan. If he wanted to act before Sangwoo went to his part-time job, he had to hurry.
____________________________________.
[1] Output. Information, product, or something obtained from the production process that is exported from the computer circuit to display on peripheral devices, such as a monitor.
[2] Bird, kiss. A light kiss that makes a “smooch” sound like when a bird pecks.
[3] Why did the woman give rice to the salvage? It comes from a vintage drama, which is about a woman who shared food among male slaves to show her interest and desire for a relationship.
[4] The Carpenter Who Stole the Fairy’s Wings. It comes from a story about a carpenter who stole the wings of a fairy in hopes of keeping her as his wife.
Chapter 67: Yellow #9.
After finishing their meal, both of them got up without saying anything. Jaeyoung looked at Sangwoo, who took out a black debit card from his wallet at the corner of the table to pay for the meal. Although everything belonging to the other party, including the wallet, clothes, hat, wristwatch, and sneakers, looked clean but old, it seemed that the guy was not picky, but just not extravagant.
“Come on, let’s go together.”
At the restaurant entrance, Jaeyoung held Sangwoo’s arm before the other party could leave. They looked at each other. The other party tried to speak first with a hesitant expression, but no matter what, he would refuse, after going here and there with Sangwoo for several months. Jaeyoung began to be able to force the other party, speaking calmly.
“You threw my shirt yesterday, didn’t you?”
“So what?”
“If so, I guess I have to buy more clothes.”
“I guess so.”
“I’ll go buy it now, and you have to come and see if it suits me.”
His expressionless face suddenly turned into a frown. Jaeyoung guessed what the other party was thinking before smiling and reassuring him.
“If I buy something strange and waste money, you have to take responsibility for it.”
“What are you talking about?”
Sangwoo frowned at Jaeyoung before widening his eyes and thinking of something. The other party remained silent for a moment before speaking up.
“I understand. If we’re going, let’s hurry up.”
Jaeyoung was surprised by his good luck that exceeded his expectations, and walked towards the nearby shopping mall with Sangwoo, who was grinning from ear to ear. This was the first time he had seen the other party show off his good mood. Jaeyoung was intrigued.
“You’re funny, hyung.” Sangwoo chuckled as they crossed the zebra crossing.
“Why?”
“I just asked you to buy it for me. There’s no need to beat around the bush like that.”
“...”
“I already said I’ll buy it for you. Do you think I’m lying?”
Jaeyoung couldn’t control his facial expression and covered his mouth, laughing quietly.
“Come on, let’s go. I’ll buy myself some nice clothes.”
The young man jogged to catch up with Sangwoo, who was walking briskly ahead.
Since it was a weekend, the shopping mall was crowded. Sangwoo, who looked like a student, didn’t seem to fit in with the perfume and cosmetics stores that were bustling behind them, so they climbed down the escalator to the sports equipment and casual wear zone on the third floor.
After walking in and out of a few stores and scanning their surroundings, Jaeyoung dragged Sangwoo into a jeans outlet before being scolded for looking at jeans despite leaving his t-shirt behind. He quickly looked for a pair of usable jeans, looking for bright colors as the main criteria. When he picked out a pair of gray jeans that were almost white, Sangwoo’s facial expression didn’t seem to be pleased.
“What’s wrong with these?”
“The knee is torn.”
“Just that?”
Although it was a small flaw that was almost invisible, the other party always seemed to notice it and was dissatisfied. Jaeyoung gave up on that pair of jeans and looked for another, but no matter which one he picked, there was always some defect, such as an odd-shaped pocket or a stiff zipper.
“Here, this one is okay.”
“That one is okay too.”
He picked up a plain beige pair of trousers and a black denim pair, draped them over his arm, and prepared to tell the cashier to ring them up. Meanwhile, Jaeyoung was left gaping at a particular pair of pants that caught his eye.
They were a light blue pair of slim-fit jeans that resembled the color of the sky. He measured them with his eyes and quickly inspected every part of them - one button, no rips or tears, a normal pocket, and the stitching looked tight and good. If he folded the pants a little to reveal the ankle, it felt like blood was rushing to his head. Jaeyoung was excited and quickly went into the fitting room to change and show the other party.
“Sangwoo! Sangwoo! Look at this, is this pretty?”
Sangwoo, who was hugging his chest and looking elsewhere, walked closer and looked at Jaeyoung’s lower half.
“It’s too bright... but it’s okay for you to wear. But it seems a bit small, buy one size bigger than this.”
This was considered a special permission... Jaeyoung smiled and went back to change his clothes and came out again holding the three pants to the cashier. Sangwoo took out his card and made a gesture to hand it over. Jaeyoung pushed his arm to the side and handed his own credit card to the salesperson.
“What’s going on?”
“You will be buying something more expensive.”
Sangwoo’s face turned sour, but there was no time now... Jaeyoung grabbed the other party’s shoulder, and they headed to another store. After walking past several stores without finding anything, they arrived at a high-quality Tshirt store. There were various T-shirts hanging on racks, walls, and mannequins. Jaeyoung grabbed Sangwoo’s shoulder, who seemed uninterested in this store, and directed him to look at the hanging T-shirts.
“You should look too, maybe there’s something you can wear.”
“Anything looks good on you.”
He didn’t mean it that way. Jaeyoung kept picking out T-shirts one after another - a red T-shirt, a cute T-shirt with a pocket on the chest, a formal Tshirt with buttons, and a yellow T-shirt that reminded him of a baby chick. Although he wanted to make the other party try on every T-shirt, Sangwoo criticized everything Jaeyoung picked out.
“There’s too much pattern.”
“The sleeves are weird.”
“It’s too short.”
“Too thick.”
“Too thin.”
The other party argued and refused to cooperate as expected. Jaeyoung couldn’t help but pick out two or three white T-shirts, sorting out the ones that were too thin or too thick, had faded patterns, or missing stitches, until only one white V-neck T-shirt was left. Jaeyoung examined the T-shirt carefully. It was made of good quality fabric, had a comfortable design that revealed his collarbone, and had black lines around the deep neckline.
‘Is this the shirt made for Chu Sangwoo?’
Jaeyoung tried the shirt on Sangwoo’s body. Then he immediately picked up a green and red striped shirt of the same design and paid for it. This time, Sangwoo missed the opportunity to pay again. Once out of the store, he complained quietly.
“Why did you bring me here if it’s going to be like this?”
“You’re the carry thing one.” Jaeyoung replied, sending all the shopping bags to Sangwoo. Although he had a dissatisfied expression, Sangwoo took the bag and followed quietly, checking the time on his phone. His heart was getting hotter. Jaeyoung walked into a large men’s clothing brand store and explored the men’s section.
“Welcome! May I know which style you prefer?”
The male staff walked over to greet them cheerfully. When Sangwoo pointed to Jaeyoung, the staff said that there was a suitable item for the customer and took out various styles from the shelf.
“What style are you interested in?”
“I want something that looks good.”
“Then, how about this one? This is the most popular short-legged underwear style among teenagers nowadays. It is made of special fine fiber fabric, has a good butt-lifting effect, and feels tight. The edge has a highlight.
Touch the fabric. It feels very sexy, doesn’t it? I think it suits you very well.”
Jaeyoung turned to look at Sangwoo, who had been standing far away without pointing or moving. When he was sure that the other party was not going anywhere, he pulled out the short-legged underwear that the staff handed over to him. It was a good quality underwear with no highlights other than the brand name embroidered on the edge. The fabric was smooth and comfortable to wear. Jaeyoung aimed at the underwear before speaking hesitantly.
“You are quite big down there. Is this not too small?”
Although the staff looked at him like he was crazy, he recommended size L. After paying for a set of five underwear, he threw the box to Sangwoo, who took it and put it in the bag.
“Why did you buy pants? And taking my stuff should be enough.”
“It’s my business.”
With little time left, while feeling regretful and preparing to leave, Jaeyoung was stopped in front of the wall of the store full of baseball caps, making it impossible for him to pass by casually. Jaeyoung dragged Sangwoo, who was looking at his wristwatch, to stop in front of the paradise of caps.
“Choose quickly, please.”
“There are already so many caps. Should I buy something else?”
What did he expect from the other party? Jaeyoung looked at the display shelf carefully, cutting out logos of big baseball teams, special shapes, cutting them out, too flashy colors, cutting them out, black caps are worn every day.
Cut them out, cut them out, cut them out, so there were only a few caps left. “What about this one?”
Jaeyoung picked up the white snapback cap on top to look at it. Although there was an abbreviation of the name of the baseball team pinned on it, it was difficult to see because it was white like the background if the fabric was not too thin or too thick, and the shape was beautiful.
“What about this one?”
“It’s okay.”
“Really?”
Although he chose his clothes confidently, knowing Sangwoo’s size well, for the cap, it was difficult to guess without trying it on. Jaeyoung quickly took off the black cap before Sangwoo could refuse and put on the white cap.
‘What is it?’
Jaeyoung stared at Sangwoo standing still, just changing the color of the cap, he felt that the appearance of the other party looked fresher. Although it seemed a bit big, just adjusting the snapback strap should be fine.
“It suits you well, it’s cute.”
Jaeyoung tried to persuade himself that he wanted to hug the person in front of him right now. Then he took off the cap again, quickly paid and stuffed the cap into a bag. Meanwhile, Sangwoo only looked at his wristwatch with an uneasy face.
“All set. Let’s go now.”
“You must be rich. You can buy unnecessary clothes like this all at once.”
“It’s necessary.”
Sangwoo laughed and teased openly, making those who wore tight sevenpiece shirts and three-piece pants feel ridiculous. Hearing his words, they must have felt amused. Now, there were only thirty minutes left before part-time work began. They hurriedly descended the stairs to the first floor, secretly thinking that the other party might crack a joke about what they were wearing, but Sangwoo did not say anything except for opening an app on his phone to check the bus schedule.
“My legs hurt so much, please hail me a taxi.”
“Did the person with the sore legs walk around shopping for clothes for an hour and a half?”
Jaeyoung pretended to be sick with a pitiful face, he coughed for a moment, and when he straightened up, he met Sangwoo who was staring at him smoking.
“Is it only your legs? How about your lungs, with all that screaming last night.”
“[Ka-hk]! Ka... ugh!”
“Are you really not feeling well?”
“Ugh.”
“It’s okay. I can’t help you anyway.”
Sangwoo stood on the roadside and hailed a taxi himself before turning to call Jaeyoung to get in the car. When they got in the car, he saw the other party trying to leave, so he pulled the other’s arm and brought him into the taxi. Jaeyoung quickly closed the door and told the driver to head to the train station near the game store. Then the taxi started moving. Sangwoo sat up from where he was lying on the seat and complained.
“Huh. Really... Why are you so irritable today? And I keep speaking ambiguously.”
“Why?”
“I know that you hyung is always like this, but today you are worse than usual.”
It’s no use. When he thought there was no time left, he became impatient. Jaeyoung leaned back on the seat with a bitter feeling. When he looked at the bag of clothes, he suddenly felt suffocated. This was not enough. Jaeyoung wanted to give Sangwoo more than this.
“Sangwooya.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
He rubbed his wrist with a calm face before turning away.
Jaeyoung wanted to try choosing a long coat for Sangwoo to wear in the autumn, a down jacket for him to wear when climbing mountains in the winter, and a cardigan for him to wear in the fruit leaf season. He wanted to buy various types of sneakers, in various colors, and from various brands for the small-footed person like a child to wear. He wanted to take the other party to a hair salon and try different hairstyles.
“I had noodles today. Next time, I want to eat Jampang [1], a ten-dish set, Peking duck, curry, Burmese tea leaf salad, Budae [2] steamed fish, I want to eat them all together. Just thinking about it, Jaeyoung felt breathless.”
“But today was a good surprise.”
“What?”
“It’s a real holiday, but so many people like to dress up and gather together.
I was surprised.”
Jaeyoung smiled slightly and glanced at Sangwoo. Sangwoo sat still, then raised his hand above his head and pulled Jaeyoung’s hand down to hold it. When the other party naturally intertwined their fingers, the sadness and regret they received from that party yesterday were erased. Jaeyoung looked out the window with a calm face, but his expectations made his heart beat faster. If this isn’t a taxi, he would probably park the car now. Then he pushed the other party to lie down and kissed him.
“Being with you hyung, it feels like I’ve tried something new all the time, because when I bought clothes with my mom, it didn’t take this long.”
“So is it good or not?”
“There are good and bad and if I have to be honest... Oh, we’re here. I’ll get off here.”
Jaeyoung didn’t hear the word “good” because the taxi arrived near the internet cafe. Sangwoo opened his wallet, took out two ten-thousand won bills, and handed them to the taxi driver.
“This is for the fare. Please send this person home.”
After speaking, he handed two ten-thousand won bills to Jaeyoung.
“This is for the T-shirt. I’ll go now.”
The other party is also meticulous. Jaeyoung took the money and put it in his wallet before putting all the shopping bags in Sangwoo’s hand.
“These are all yours, take them.”
“What?”
“I bought them for you to wear.”
Sangwoo was half-standing and half-sitting at the open taxi door, looking at the shopping bag without putting it down, and then looked at Jaeyoung with a tense face.
“No, I can’t accept this. Take it back.”
“You sound like Geum Jan Di [3].”
Jaeyoung took out several torn receipts from his pants pocket and pushed Sangwoo out with the shopping bag.
“That’s for last night’s accommodation, have a good rest.”
Then he closed the door in front of Sangwoo, whose face was painted with shock until he couldn’t speak. After giving his address, the taxi drove away again. Outside the window, the silhouette of Sangwoo, who looked like a broken robot, gradually receded until the image of the other party became small and insignificant. Jaeyoung then turned his gaze away from the window and sat up straight, the sense of relief and disappointment he felt last night fading away unnoticed.
__________________________________________________________________.
[1] Jampang, spicy seafood soup noodles.
[2] Budaegiji-gae, Korean hot pot.
[3] Geum Jan-di, the heroine of the Korean drama “Boys Over Flowers”, F4, Korean version.
Chapter 68: Yellow #10.
[Mother: Youngah, uncle passed away. - 11:32][1].
[Mother: He will be buried on the 23rd, will you come back to have dinner together this evening? - 11:33].
The short message made Jaeyoung feel worse. It meant that the family gathering in October would be more intense. Uncle was always the troublesome one, whether when he was alive or when he passed away. Just the thought of having to meet with the “blood relatives” made him feel even worse. But Jaeyoung replied with acknowledgement that he understood it.
After finishing dinner and bathing, Jaeyoung removed all his earrings and changed into an outfit that would not be easily recognized. He prepared a black suit, clothes for three days, contacts, and the necessary food, and left the house at 2 o’clock in the afternoon.
Jaeyoung started the car and called Sangwoo, but the other side did not answer. Sangwoo often kept his phone silent, so he rarely answered calls immediately.
[Going out of town for three days - funeral - 14:02].
He left a message and started his journey.
After driving for three and a half hours, Jaeyoung arrived at his destination. He could smell the sea through the slightly opened window. It was still early for dinner, even though he was right by the sea. But this province was not romantically attractive at all. It felt as if a heavy stone was weighing down on him when he reached the area near the factory buildings.
After checking in at the hotel his mother had booked, he left his belongings in the room and headed towards the room of the other party. He met his mother for the last time at the family gathering last year so this was the first time after seven months they had met. He heard a faint knock on the door, then the door opened, and a well-dressed boy appeared. Before opening the door wide with a smiling face.
“Hello, Phii Jaeyoung!”
“Hi.”
Jaeyoung walked past the boy who greeted him with a ninety-degree bow and entered the room. His surname was Jang, while the boy’s surname was Park. Jaeyoung felt the distance between them with their different surnames.
The mother sat at the dressing table in a black fishtail dress with offshoulder design. Both her outfit and makeup were beautifully done, like a bride. Jaeyoung smirked inside at the image that he didn’t know if he should mourn or shoot a gun to celebrate.
“Youngah? You have arrived?”
The young woman looked at herself in the mirror and then turned to look at Jaeyoung. She looked so young and handsome that it was hard to believe she would be turning fifty next year. As Jaeyoung approached, she examined his face and outfit as if inspecting. Then she shrugged and hugged him, patting his back a few times.
“Son, you’re becoming more handsome as you grow up.”
“What happened to Uncle?”
“The blood vessels in his brain burst, and his heart almost stopped. He is usually so dramatic. I’ve been thinking that it has to be like this.”
Jaeyoung paused before pulling away from his mother’s embrace and stepped back a little. Then his younger brother ran in and hugged their mother. She patted the child’s shoulder and examined her own appearance in the mirror.
“How about your studies? How are they going?”
“Just as I said.”
“Are you finally going to graduate?”
“Yeah.”
“What is with that apathetic expression? Joo Hyuk seems to have entered a prosecutor training institution as well. If you graduate, your grandfather will probably make a big fuss again. If you finish this, will you continue studying abroad in the same country as before?”
“Yeah.”
“But make sure your grandpa doesn’t find out, okay?”
Those words meant not to let relatives suspect anything. She patted her perfectly styled hair before examining her son’s face for any signs. She wiped the corner of his mouth and turned her gaze towards Jaeyoung.
“Young-ah, your uncle died. You know that there will be a big fuss again.
You yourself have earned a lot of points to earn a place with your grandfather.
We don’t know what will happen.”
Jaeyoung chuckled without saying anything. The eldest uncle inherited the grandfather’s business and was the one who received the most inheritance.
Now he’s gone, and there will probably be a dispute over that division.
“Is there enough money?”
“Yeah.”
“Hong, hasn’t he contacted you? Is he in Korea?”
“I don’t know.”
Jaeyoung tried to check his mobile phone but found no calls or messages.
From Jang Jaehong, after checking his message reply saying “I understand.” From Sangwoo, he put his mobile phone back in his bag.
“If there’s nothing else, I’ll leave.”
“Um, let’s pay respects at the hospital first. Let’s meet for lunch at 1pm.
Don’t be late, okay?”
Jaeyoung turned around and heard the voice of a boy shouting after him,
“Goodbye, Phii Jaeyoung!”
Jaeyoung didn’t go to lunch late. Even if he was always late no matter where he went, there’s only one exception here.
The lowest quality humans in the world gathered together in a grand hall illuminated by dim lights from crystal-decorated chandeliers hanging from the high white ceilings. Classical music was also being performed. Everyone sat around the large table without speaking. As soon as the old man entered, they all stood up and moved towards him. “Grandpa, why are you so strong? I miss you, grandpa. It’s been a while since you looked so young,” Jaeyoung sat in his usual place, looking at his mother’s son who was holding the old man’s hand.
His grandfather was a gentleman of taste. His gray colored tailored suit looked great on his still strong figure, it was as sharp as a blade, matching his handmade black leather shoes. Below that, from his wristwatch, he displayed his high-quality cufflinks[2] which reflected his wealth, and on the finger of his left hand was a wedding ring that he never took off, despite his wife’s passing. His hair, which was mixed with white, was smoothly combed back. It’s not easy for someone over seventy years old to look this good.
The old man sat down and swept his gaze around the large dining table. He loved the gathering of his large family, which included people from his own clan. His eyes glanced around the table, which had no one missing without a proper reason “everyone was present except for the funeral host, his wife’s large sister, his son-in-law who went to work in another province, and his two other nieces and nephews”, until he spotted Jaeyoung. Their eyes met and they exchanged playful glances.
“Has the puppy come?”
Jaeyoung walked over to the man with his arms crossed, smiling in his eyes. As he got closer, he smelled the familiar scent of cologne and the strong lingering smell of cigarettes that never changed since he was a child. Jaeyoung liked the scent of the other person. The warm and strong hug of his grandfather was different from his mother’s hug. With a sigh, he felt like he was transported back to his childhood.
“Yes, I’m here now.”
“I really miss you.”
The man who never felt embarrassed to express his feelings whispered.
“I feel the same way.”
Jaeyoung spoke sincerely from his heart. This man is the only one he likes here. If it weren’t for his grandfather, Jaeyoung wouldn’t have to tread into this place. As he returned to his seat, the jealous eyes subtly glanced at his face.
While the food was being served, the exchange of conversations followed the protocol. However, these were all insincere words. For example, “Still youthful, why did you come back so quickly?” The company lost a highly capable employee as a result. However, once the main course was served, nobody mentioned the person who had died. Because the hot-tempered and manipulative man was everyone’s enemy from the beginning. Even his grandfather didn’t like him.
And so, This Kid Is Great phase arrived, or a period of promoting one’s own children. The three children of the old man brought their own children to show off and eagerly looked for any opportunity to impress. Among all these people, his mother was the most enthusiastic.
“This child is very smart. I wonder if he is as smart as your grandfather. He also got into the Advanced Class. And he got into the first place too, you know.”
“Oh, really? What is this child’s name then?”
“His name is Soongmin. He died, now everyone should remember him, right?”
The old grandfather valued his family and the importance of love, and he viewed the world in a democratic way. Therefore, he treated his married daughter as an outsider and did not care about relatives without the Shin surname.
“When will Youngah go abroad to study?”
The only exception was Jaeyoung, who came as the old man youngest’s daughter after divorcing. This grandfather had been watching him since he was a child because he looked so much like him. After the mother remarried, Jaeyoung’s position in the family became problematic. So his grandfather took him in and raised him at home, forming a bond.
“In July.”
“It won’t be long now. What should this old man do if he misses his puppy when he goes to America?”
When his grandfather openly expressed his love, the sound of coughing increased from all directions. Then, various voices of praise followed, full of insincerity like “I really miss him”, “How can we wait until he finishes studying?”, “No matter where Jaeyoung goes, he will surely do well.”
However, as soon as the grandfather left his seat temporarily, the atmosphere changed immediately.
“So what have you been doing during this time?”
An aunt who just got hair done in the mall asked, and the husband from the other party is a doctor. Their daughter is also a doctor and their son-in-law is also a doctor. As for their son, he is on his way to becoming a prosecutor. They all have a sense of superiority and arrogance. The older sister, who is both a sister and a cousin, wore branded clothes from head to toe and proudly said,
“I heard that you were supposed to graduate last year.”
“There are still things to catch up on, so I will continue my studies next semester.”
The mother’s face that asked to keep this matter a secret began to wrinkle as Jaeyoung skillfully lied without feeling the need to do so.
“So you’re still a student, huh? Our Joohyuk has been accepted into a training institute.”
The uncle in-law thought his insult would leave Jaeyoung speechless, but Jaeyoung had undergone training like a pig or a dog. He was unaffected by such attacks.
“If Joohyuk had gone to the military like me, then he would also be continuing studying like me.”
“Seriously, look at this kid. How many kids can go straight to the military like this?”
The Younger Sister in law helped to support him. Because her own son couldn’t pass the military exemption policy either. So Jaeyoung laughed and turned the conversation back.
“There might be more people with diseases in their 20s. Your grandfather is still worried about how Eunsong can work with lung disease at this age.”
The table went silent. Both Aunt and Aunt in-law did not withdraw their investments from this attack. Because their grandfather was a “nationalist.” He didn’t like it when his grandchildren took shortcuts to evade their responsibilities in protecting the country.
“Jaeyoung, are you still doing that? Drawing pictures on the ceiling tiles.”
Now it’s the youngest uncle who joined the group. This person is an alcoholic, not very bright, and always fails in every business attempt. Now he’s just a useless person working under the distribution company that his grandfather established.
“Does this mean doing graffiti? I have been doing it as a hobby all the time, perhaps?”
“After graduating, you might work drawing pictures in exchange for money. Why don’t you draw my face? Maybe you’d want payment for some pocket money.”
The other party reached into his shirt pocket, took out a marker, and threw it in front of Jaeyoung. Jaeyoung replied without hesitation.
“Uncle, maybe you can try selling phones to me. It’s time for me to change my phone, so I’m thinking whether to buy it or not to spare the waste of a salesman.”
Then the uncle cursed him, saying, “You useless brat.” His daughter and son quickly grabbed his arms to hold him back. The aunt also helped, saying that it’s because he has diluted family blood. Even though his mother’s face turned pale with anger, she was oppressed in every aspect. Age, assets, and social status. In a place filled with only strong people like this, her right to speak almost didn’t exist.
________________________________________.
[1] Young-ah comes from ”Young,” which is a nickname for Jaeyoung, and “Ah” “아” is a suffix used to call family members or close friends. It’s used at the end of a spelled name.
[2] Cufflinks, one of the accessories for men, are used to connect the cuffs of a shirt instead of using buttons.
Chapter 69: Yellow #11.
Meanwhile, his grandfather, who was still chuckling, returned and the grunting uncle quickly flashed a wide smile that almost revealed all of his gold teeth. Jaeyoung felt a sense of worthlessness that he had never felt before. He stopped eating, put down his spoon and fork, and just laughed out loud. When he was a child and saw people getting what they wanted, he felt so envious that he didn’t know what to do, but now he just felt annoyed and could tolerate it.
“Father, let’s find time to go to Australia together. I went to Australia last month and secretly looked at some nice golf courses.”
“Hahaha, Australia is also good.”
The reason why Jaeyoung had to force himself to attend the family gathering was because his grandfather, an elderly businessman who had built himself up from scratch, was a person with high self-esteem and a strong leader. He had a taste for “image” and even when he went out for a moment, he had to wear a suit. He was also a romantic man who strongly emphasized that he would not date or remarry after his grandmother died five years ago, but at the same time, he was an old-fashioned person who held the belief that a daughter who got married and to another family/clan was like being an outsider, and he emphasized the importance of blood ties.
When he was in junior high school and was punished by the seniors, and when he brought his girlfriend home in high school and was caught, his grandfather just laughed and said that men could have such things happen. When he rebelled and said he didn’t want to see his grandfather’s face and ran away from home for a month, secretly drank Western liquor in the library, and started smoking, his grandfather said it was just a phase of his life and let him do it, even when he chose to study design instead of business administration as the other party hoped. His grandfather respected Jaeyoung’s decision.
However, on the day when Jaeyoung argued that he wanted to cut ties with his family that had split in different directions like this, he was slapped for the first time in his life, the day he didn’t participate in the family activity as the other party wished, he was kicked out of the house, and the day he called his uncle a dog-faced man, he was beaten with a golf club.
His grandfather is the most understanding and intimidating man that Jaeyoung has ever met. Jaeyoung has learned both freedom and compromise from the other party at the same time, and he is not confident that he will not meet your grandfather for the rest of his life, and he cannot change your grandfather, so he can only surrender and maintain the ‘line’ throughout his twenties.
After leaving the family gathering, Jaeyoung returned to the room exhausted and immediately collapsed on the bed. Every time they gathered like this, he would normally be exhausted, but today he felt more impatient than usual, and he knew why.
He struggled to remove his contact lenses, then lay face down with his arms and legs spread out for a while before reaching into his pants pocket and taking out his phone, which he had put on silent. There were several useless contacts from various places, but the one he really wanted to contact did not come.
‘I miss you so much.’
Perhaps because they had been seeing each other almost every day until now. When they didn’t see each other for just one day, he became agitated. In the past, even though there was nothing special going on, he just wanted to know if the other party was doing well, if they were eating enough. Jaeyoung stared at the four-word message Sangwoo had sent him before calling the other party.
Ring... ring... ring... ring... ring...
‘Please pick up.’
Despite the fact that the phone was ringing incessantly, Sangwoo refused to let Jaeyoung hear the voice he wanted to hear, so Jaeyoung called again.
Ring... ring... ring... ring...
‘What are you doing?’
Jaeyoung felt angry. No, he wanted it so badly. He didn’t know why, but he had to hear that voice right now. Jaeyoung hung up before entering the voicemail system and calling again.
[Hello... hello.]
The end of the line crackled and responded to the seventh or eighth attempt to call, and he wasn’t sure. Jaeyoung closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
[What’s up? Why are you calling?]
‘It’s really effective.’
He muttered to himself. When he heard Sangwoo’s voice, the anger and exhaustion he had felt just a moment ago were washed away in an instant.
[Are you at a funeral or something?]
“No.”
He had already paid his respects to the deceased. He thought about helping with the funeral arrangements, but that was for tomorrow and the day after. It was like Sangwoo wouldn’t say anything and he didn’t prolong the conversation. The man on the other side hung up for sure. He hesitated to speak even though he didn’t want to.
“Where are you?”
[I’m at home.]
“What are you doing?”
[Well...doing this and that, playing games. And...um...brushing my teeth.]
“Before that.”
[I was writing code in my office.]
“Alone?”
[Yes.]
The other side’s answer was too short. Jaeyoung wanted to hear more than that.
“I’m not there, why did you go to the office?”
[I have gotten into a habit of working there.]
“...”
[...]
Jaeyoung thought that today was the only day he hated silence.
“Sangwooya.”
[Yes.]
“Sangwooya.”
[What is it?]
“Sangwooya.”
[Finally, you lost your mind.]
Jaeyoung laughed softly, not thinking about hating the other party, the senseless and lifeless man who even though he heard his soft voice. He asked if he was crazy. Instead of being able to touch the abnormality, Sangwoo hated everything he did during this period. Jaeyoung smiled and decided to retreat like usual.
“What are you wearing now?”
[I’m wearing pajamas.]
“I imagine you wearing pajamas and playing games and I am feeling aroused.”
[Then just go jerk off.]
“Help me a little, with a sexy voice like that.”
[How so?]
“Just use your hand to play with yourself and moan for me to hear, I think I can finish here.”
Sangwoo remained silent for a moment, his expression unable to convey the emotions that were locked in his gaze.
[I’ll just summarize it for you. You have not cummed yet.]
“Why not?”
[...I tried earlier but it didn’t work out.]
Caught off guard by the sudden attack, Jaeyoung burst out laughing, his laughter tinged with exhaustion, before Sangwoo retorted that laughing at a phenomenon in psychology was not appropriate.
“What did you do when you looked at my pictures?”
[What are you asking?”]
“Hey, what are you looking at? Look at my face.”
[Stop fooling around.]
“I’m serious, where are you looking?”
[...]
“Hurry up and answer.”
[Well...I’ve looked at several pictures and I’ve tried doing it with my hand. I can’t remember it very well now. I feel embarrassed now, can I just leave it?]
“No.”
Jaeyoung had Sangwoo explain in detail the work he had done with his hand and lotion that day, while the other party spoke in a calm voice, simply closing his eyes and listening quietly.
If there was a voice like this in a reading assistance program, it would be great. He would probably listen to it every night until he knew it by heart, or sometimes he might just listen to the voice without understanding the content at all. Jaeyoung slipped under the blanket without even changing his clothes.
[Are you listening?]
“Uh.”
[Do you know that the call has been going on for over fifty minutes?]
“No.”
[The duration of the call has been increasing steadily lately. If this trend continues, it is highly possible that it will exceed three hours next time.]
“Then...let it go too far.”
[Isn’t it better not to do that?]
“...Yeah, you’re right.”
[Are you asleep?]
“No...not yet.”
[Seems like you’re getting drowsy. Hang up and go to bed.]
“Don’t put it down. Keep talking...a little more.”
[Why?]
“Just keep talking...go on.”
[That’s all for now.]
Despite Jaeyoung’s incessant talking, complaining, and whining, it seemed like the other party was willing to listen. Towards the end, Jaeyoung couldn’t speak much because he fell asleep in the middle without turning off the light.
⌘W.
The next day, Jaeyoung was busy receiving money for helping with the funeral all day long. Although the funeral was held in a province far from Seoul, there were still many guests who came to express their condolences. Although he claimed to be there as a grandson, he hated the dead uncle and was glad that he had passed away and that he wouldn’t have to see him again. If it was a job that required labor like this because that hateful uncle died, he would gladly do it.
In the evening, the whole family gathered to eat together amidst an eerie atmosphere. Grandpa called him to talk for thirty minutes. By the time he came out, the sky was already dark. It was then that Jang Jaeyoung received a call from Jaehong.
[Where are you? I’m almost at the hotel.]
“Are you coming?”
[There’s nothing else to do.]
“Why don’t you go pay your respects to the deceased first? “
[What’s the point of going now? I’ll go see Grandpa tomorrow. It’s better to go with Mom and you together.]
Jaeyoung thought that it wasn’t so bad, compared to Jang Jaehong. Even though his relatives didn’t like him and tried to control him, he was still better than Jang Jaehong, who was raised by their father. They didn’t care about Jang Jaehong and didn’t consider him part of the family.
“You’re in front of the hotel, right? I see you.”
Shortly after hanging up, the taxi pulled up in front of Jang Jaeyoung. Then his twin brother got out of the car.
‘Why do I feel so annoyed seeing his face?’
They were both the same height, looked the same, and sounded the same. When they were kids, they both couldn’t stand having someone who looked exactly like them around, so they often fought. But they were only the same on the outside, everything else was different, from their personalities, hobbies, fashion styles, way of speaking, and even their facial expressions.
“Long time no see...Jang Jaeyoung.”
Jaehong spoke firmly before walking towards him. On the other side, a handsome man in a perfectly fitting black suit and necktie stood, with a strong and confident appearance. Even my meticulously groomed hair was still a bit unsettling for Jaeyoung’s taste, and his accessories and shoes, which he claimed were classic, just looked old-fashioned. Who would have thought that he was still in his twenties?
“Everything is fine, isn’t it?”
Jaeyoung turned to exhale cigarette smoke before answering.
“It’s always chaotic here.”
“Who gets to sit in the executive chair?”
“I don’t care about that party.”
After graduating from Europe and starting to work in finance, his twin brother became very interested in social success. Therefore, even though he was looked down upon as a member of the Jang family, he still came to the Park family events without hesitation. Jaeyoung added.
“Why are you here? It smells strange.”
“Just taking a break. I have some free time. And I wanted to know what the situation is like.”
Jaehong spoke as if it wasn’t important, they were similar only on the outside, the truth was very different.
After the conversation ended, Jaehong broke the silence.
“Do you have something to say? You must have graduated by now.”
“Well… not exactly, but it’s not something I need to talk to you about.” Jaeyoung replied curtly.
Their relationship was not that close. Although they lived in the same house until they were twelve years old, their habits were too different to play together. While Jaeyoung liked to draw on walls, Jaehong liked to read books. Although they studied the same foreign language, Jaeyoung showed talent in speaking, while Jaehong was good at understanding. If Jaeyoung was a troublemaker who caused problems in the alley, Jaehong was a top student who was serious, to the point that the other side also had some secrets.
“Which room do you sleep in? If the room is spacious, let me sleep with you.”
“Don’t act useless, go rent your own room.”
We should sleep together after this many years.”
Jaeyoung didn’t see the point in arguing back, so he dropped the cigarette he had finished smoking on the floor and stepped on it hard. When Jaehong saw his face, he added,
“Just kidding, just kidding.”
At that moment, the phone in Jaeyoung’s pants pocket rang loudly. He had been working until now and didn’t know if anyone else was calling. Annoyed, Jaeyoung took out his phone, but his expression changed when he looked at the screen.
[Incoming call, Baby.]
Jaeyoung slid his finger to answer the call without realizing it, and then brought the communication device up to his ear. As he was about to call out the name without paying attention, he stopped because Jaehong was watching him.
[Hyung…]
He quickly lowered the volume, feeling that the other side’s voice was particularly loud. Then he made eye contact with Jae-hong. Jaeyoung walked past the other side and checked to make sure no one was around the building before picking up the phone again.
“Oh, what’s up?”
The heart was pounding just because the other side called.
[I found a bug today, so I tried testing it...]
Sangwoo talked about his own work with a slightly excited tone, and the meaningless words flowed through his ears, but Jaeyoung didn’t mind.
[The performance has improved a lot. I’ll try to put it on the phone and see how great it is when you come back tomorrow night.]
“Really? You did a great job.”
[Yes, but to be honest, when it’s too tight, I’m not sure if I can do the unlimited mode with some features. I’m worried about that.]
“Just cut it out and release the game.”
[I just want to make it perfect.]
“Let’s think about it together tomorrow night.”
Jaeyoung leaned against the wall and closed his eyes. Although he felt guilty towards Sangwoo, he didn’t care about the game at all now, he just wanted to hear the other side’s voice. Jaeyoung was too tired, still in a tense and cold state.
[Actually, it’s just an excuse.]
After a long silence, Sangwoo spoke up.
“What do you mean?”
[I tested it alone and will tell you the version later, but I just called to say hello.]
“...”