[T/N] I apologize for grammar mistakes and incoherencies
Chapter 14: Film
“Macau, be as strong as your brother...”
Phii Pete's smile always made me feel safe and bright, like the sun shining into my soul, making me want to cry with guilt for never paying attention to his feelings.
“Hia…” The memory of being in Hia's embrace on the day I fought with Aunt came flooding back. I knew something was off and Hia had a hidden secret, but I chose to pretend I didn't know, not realizing it was someone's cry for help.
Flap! A sound came from Hia's bedroom. I saw a faint figure and a faint voice calling my name with hope, but at that moment, my subconscious was too self-centered to care. I chose to ignore everything out of sheer selfishness.
I woke up again feeling dizzy and uneasy, like someone about to fall ill. I propped myself up and looked around, finding myself still in the place with the usual scent, but different because the ropes that had bound my wrists were gone. I stared in disbelief before getting out of bed and heading straight for the door.
D... Did Top really let me go? Why was it so easy without me even asking? Even the door that was locked from the outside was now easily opened. I didn't hesitate, rushing to get myself out of there as quickly as possible.
This was Top's house, grand and spacious, everything clean and orderly, befitting a doctor's residence. I glanced left and right, not lingering to admire anything, rushing down from the upper floor, searching for an exit before it was too late. As I passed through a large hall, something caught my eye. I was so shocked I had to cover my mouth in surprise. On Phii Top's wall... yes, just a wallpaper with a picture of a man, handsome in a white suit, smiling down, covering nearly ten meters in height and as wide as the house itself. Though the image was bright, it was eerie enough to stop me in my tracks with fear.
I stared at the image, entranced as if under some spell, my hair standing on end with a cold breeze swirling around me. I jumped in fright, my heart pounding as if it would burst out, when music suddenly started playing out of nowhere.
The image is still vivid, just like usual. Everything about him is as clear as day. I lost focus from the beautiful eyes in the picture before glancing left and right, searching for the source of the scent with trepidation. Then, a faint floral fragrance wafted over, tickling my nose gently, making me uneasy like never before.
“Thana Phantanakan, my fiance...” Phii Top walked over with a glass of wine in his hand and slumped onto the sofa, staring at the picture on the wall with longing and yearning that I hadn't anticipated.
“...”
“I set the timer for the music and the scent machine. At this time every day, I have to be with him, play music for him, with the scent of flowers he loves, and talk to him as if he were here.” Top sat cross-legged, pouring another glass of wine, sliding it forward as if inviting the person in the picture to drink with him on this eerie night.
“Big Brother.” I watched Phii Top's actions alternating with the picture, feeling a sense of familiarity, as many parts seemed to resemble my elder relative.
“His heart still beats within Teekhun.” Phii Top said dreamily, causing me to furrow my brows in confusion about what he was trying to convey.
“What do you mean?”
The curiosity before me made me forget that I shouldn't be asking questions now, except how to escape from here. The confusion about what I encountered made my blood boil, as if everything was about to erupt with all the illusions Top had once inflicted on my family.
“Did you know we dreamt of becoming doctors together, and I would take him everywhere he wanted to go? Whether it was the mountains, the sea, but it had to be far, far away from the family's troubles. And that day, there would only be the two of us, flying freely.” Phii Top spoke with delight, his eyes still admiring the person in the picture with hope. When I could no longer bear listening to the most nauseating sentence about the troubled family, I didn't hesitate to vent my anger by walking in front of the picture and sweeping the white flower vase off the table, shattering it on the floor.
Crash! Crash!
“Macau! What are you doing, stop!” Phii Top tried to hold me back, but I clawed at the wallpaper, tearing it off even if it was just a small, ragged piece. He was frantic and tried hard to restrain me, until I pushed him down onto the floor, not caring about the numerous shards of glass from the broken vase.
“You're only with Big Brother because of Thana, right? Have you lost your mind?” I yelled at him, throwing a torn wallpaper with his picture at his face.
“...”
“Stop!!!” Phii Top yelled.
“Thana is already dead! Are you using Big Brother as a substitute for your lover? Have you gone mad, Phii Top?” I continued tearing the picture in anger, not realizing if my fury was from being deceived or from the conflicting family loyalty within me. I should be hurting for myself, but why do I feel so much anger for Big Brother? “Why do this to Phii Teekhun, why?!” Maybe I've become so accustomed to pain that I think no one around me should feel this way. Even if he's my enemy, there's a bond of brotherhood that can't be severed.
“Macau!!!! Stop!!!!” Phii Top got up, his hands covered in blood, trying to restrain me from losing control completely.
“Big Brother isn't like me, willing to accept your disgusting behavior. How could you do this? How?!” I struggled to break free from his grip, pushing him away repeatedly, but this time it seemed futile as I was losing my balance.
“Don’t you hate Teekhun?” Phii Top pushed me onto the sofa, trying to calm himself by taking deep breaths.
“But we are family... it's a family matter, you have no right to hurt my family!” I tried to stand up, covered in Top's blood, with the room in disarray, almost unbearable for Top to see. He looked at his lover's picture with sorrow, then turned to me with anger, grabbing my arm and pulling me towards him.
“What about them killing your father?” He asked sternly, then mockingly continued, “I don't believe you are angry because of Teekhun, but because you love me. That's why you are angry at Thana.” He threw me back onto the sofa, and I wouldn't let him look down on me like that again. Gathering all my strength, I confronted him again, pushing him repeatedly.
“If I knew you'd treat my family like this, I would've let you! Why did you do this to Phii Teekhun? How could you?!” I punched, pushed, cried, and cursed him relentlessly, overwhelmed by indescribable pain.
“Everything I did, where did it go wrong? Why don't you listen to me?” Top gripped my wrist, raising an eyebrow in confusion, his face unable to accept his own disappointment.
“Because you are harming my family!” With that sentence, Top yanked me close to him, his voice suddenly icy.
“Why care about your family now? I think you should hate your feelings more than Pete.” He leaned down to whisper in my ear, but I didn't dodge and spoke out in pain.
“Because I'm depressed, you think it's easy to control me? Stop using these despicable methods!” After saying that, I tried to push myself away again, unable to bear the disgust, but this time Top didn't easily let go of my wrist. He dragged me along, opening a drawer to search for something to restrain me again.
“Let me go!”
“If I knew you would be this stubborn, I would have...”
“Enough, Khun Top!” The sound of a gun slide being released accompanied a third person's voice from the doorway, aiming the gun at Top, and the man approached me fearlessly. He was... Ray.
“Hmph.” Top chuckled, then slowly released my wrist with a faint smile, raising both hands as if surrendering.
“Come here, Khun Macau.” Ray extended his other hand for me to take, which I had no choice but to do. Even though I trusted no one, “Stop involving innocent people.” Ray pulled me behind him, still protecting me, facing Top with a determined look.
“Even you succumb to the word 'love'?”
“And isn't everything you, Khun Top does because of love?” I watched everything cautiously. Phii Top looked at a picture of someone named Thana before lowering his gaze and turning back to me, stepping closer again.
“Macau.”
“Don't come any closer!... Let's go, Khun Macau.”
But it was Ray who still blocked Top from reaching me, slowly walking me backwards out of the room.
“Stop right there! And if you don't listen, I mean it!!”
Bang!!!! Ray turned the gun towards the window and fired a warning shot. I closed my eyes in shock, and the next thing I knew, Ray was running me out of the house with Top's voice fading behind us.
“I hope you understand everything I did.”
Chapter 15: The Last Letter
What I faced was so terrifying that another thought popped into my head, “Why is living so much scarier than death?” I, who knew nothing, blamed myself internally, thinking everything would be better if I weren't so weak that it hurt those around me. If I were just a bit stronger, I could face problems like Hia without anyone seeing me as a child, and I wouldn't have to deal with this crazy situation all at once, because it was torturous to the point of almost unbearable.
Has Hia felt like this all along? Helping behind the scenes, keeping everything in order for the family, handling so many things alone, how does one do that? The feeling of being betrayed and unable to trust anyone, how did Hia carry that for so long?
And in the end, there was nothing exciting left. Ray dropped me off at home without either of us saying a word. A part of me secretly thought he might be in cahoots with Top to take me somewhere to kill me, but that wasn't the case. I arrived home safely, but that didn't mean I trusted him.
“Nopp, where are Hia and Phii Pete?” Nopp, coming down from upstairs, approached me with concern, probably seeing my blood-stained and utterly exhausted state.
“What happened? Is everything okay, Khun Macau?” Nopp abruptly set down Venice's things and checked me over with a worried look.
“No... nothing.” I forced the words out with a smile and quickly wiped away my tears before sitting down on the sofa. Nopp then knelt in front of me with concern.
“Recently, your brothers have been busy and there's been a lot going on...” Nopp tried to wipe the blood off my face and kept repeating the question to me, “Khun Macau is okay, right?” I could only shake my head and try to hold back my tears. The memory of the day my dad died and Hia went to the hospital came flooding back. Only Nopp stood by my side, just like today.
“Then don't tell Hia, he would be troubled for sure.” I forced a smile through my tears that wouldn't stop flowing.
“...Yes.” Nopp looked hesitant but agreed, and I was certain he would follow through.
“Is Hia very stressed out? What about?”
“It's about the port and the partners.”
“What's going on?”
“Whatever is ours will come back to us, Khun Macau. The last piece of your mother's legacy. Your brothers are trying their best.”
“Nopp...” I hugged the last remaining bodyguard in the house with trust, thinking of him as one of my close relatives who had been through everything with me.
“You've been through a lot, haven't you? It will get better soon.” Nopp hugged me tightly and tried to comfort me by rubbing my back.
“What about Venice?” I pulled away from Nopp, trying to hold back my emotions so he wouldn't worry more. Even though he diligently wiped my tears.
“He's asleep now. I'm sorry, Khun Macau.” Nopp gently patted my head, his face clearly showing guilt.
“What for?”
“We haven't had time for you at all.”
“...” I shook my head with a faint smile, never blaming them at all, “Nopp, go rest. Tonight, I'll sleep with Venice myself.” I stroked Nopp's arm as a thank you, nodding to assure him I was feeling better. Then I went to watch over Venice, who was sleeping soundly and unaware.
'Venice
By the time you can read, you probably won't remember Hia Macau anymore. When you were little, you were very naughty and mischievous. Though we haven't known each other for long and don't share many memories, we are brothers. It might be too late for me to say today that I love you, love you a lot, and if I could turn back time, I would tease you less and help Phii Pete take care of you more. Please take care of Daddy Vegas and Daddy Pete, protect them from bad people, grow up happily, live with love, and don't get hurt by anyone.
Hia Macau’
Today, I spent time with Venice, looking at various photos, even took pictures of him to keep as a memento, and didn't forget to write a final message on the back of the photo. I. don't know why my feelings are filled with farewells, but if something happens to me, these messages would convey my feelings well. I placed a Polaroid picture of me and Venice under his pillow and hugged the little boy tightly.
“Be strong for me, Venice.”
My emotions must have plummeted to the point where I no longer want to live. I don't know when I'll decide to do it, but at least, what's in my heart, I want everyone around me to know. Even:
‘Porchay
Thank you for being willing to be my friend, I'm glad you've always been by my side, being the best friend in my life, and also my idol. If I could choose to be born again, I'd want to be you, because if I could be as strong as a fraction of you, I wouldn't have to hurt this much. Every time you're with me, I feel important. Take care of yourself, be happy, eat well, sleep well, and be with the one you love forever. Don't be sad because if you cry, I'll have to blame myself again, so stay strong like you always have, and may your simple life be free from danger, and I will always think of you.
My beloved friend’
I took out Porchay's photo, wrote a message on it, and placed it on my desk. All day, I absorbed the atmosphere around me, especially the house where I was born and grew up, while occasionally looking at everyone who seemed happy. My mind was in turmoil, unable to organize or process anything. Should I tell Hia about Phii Top? Or Big Brother? What would it lead to? Catastrophe and bloodshed? Do I really want that? After Hia and Phii Pete returned home, they looked really tired. I walked along and overheard their conversation. Nopp, holding Venice, was also listening, looking troubled.
“The port opening has been postponed to this Wednesday.”
“I think we need to be as tight as possible. Dr. Top is ready to help with everything.”
Hearing that, my heart skipped a beat. Phii Top is still trusted by Phii Pete.
“But don't forget, Dr. Top is involved with Teekhun now.”
“I believe he can help us. Besides us, Phii Top's friend who is an Interpol officer will come to witness, which I've already discussed.”
I felt empty, not knowing how to feel. Everyone involved is in danger, but it seems all hope rests on one person. I should hurry and tell everyone, right?
“Why is Dr. Top so influential?”
“I don't care how it goes, as long as by this Wednesday, the port is back under your name.”
“Besides the Interpol friend, anyone else on our side?”
“Ray... and probably ask for more backup from the man in the radiocall maybe five or six more. Would that be good?”
“He's called Master.”
Hia hasn't given up on the Main family and probably wants the Seconda family back too, aligning with some Master organization intent on overthrowing the main family. The current situation just confuses and overwhelms me.
Knock, knock.
“May I come in?” It was Nopp knocking and asking to enter.
“Come in.” We walked in together, and I tried to compose myself as normally as possible.
“You're awake.” Phii Pete quickly opened his arms to hold Venice while I sat next to Hia, hugging his arm tightly.
“How are you, Hia?”
“Okay.” Hia kept stroking my head repeatedly like that. The more I felt love for Hia, the more my suppressed feelings intensified. From what I gathered, Phii Top seems to be the key to helping Hia fulfill his desires. Now, what should I do next?
“Nopp, you should go rest. I'll put Venice to bed myself.”
“Uh... I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but I heard some of it, not clearly though. If you need more people or want me to help with anything, both Khun Vegas... and Pete, I'm here.”
“...”
Nopp's words not only silenced Hia and Phii Pete but also filled my mind with thoughts at this very moment. If I tell them now, wouldn't it just complicate things more than usual? Top is indeed doing something crazy, but understanding human hearts is difficult. Though I feel sorry for Big Brother, right now, I should stand by my family no matter what happens, and it wouldn't be right to add that burden. Top has clear intentions, but they aren't malicious towards Hia and Phii Pete.
“You're already tired. Go rest.”
“Tired of what, Pete... I'm really ready to help with everything. The reason I'm still standing here without a coffin isn't because of you, right? And I'm not working here for money or because I'm afraid of death. I want to help you all, just out of gratitude.”
Even Nopp feels the love between Hia and Phii Pete. That's our family's only strength right now.
“Although I used to not like Khun Vegas much, and felt embarrassed seeing my friend become my boss, things have changed now. I'm willing to do everything for you all, for Khun Vegas, Khun Macau, Khun Venice, and Pete.”
Nopp's words only reinforced my memories of what Dr. Top said, even though he intended to protect me. Despite his insincerity, he emphasized that the Main family killed my dad. That's the truth. And isn't it because of losing both my aunt and the secondary family at the same time that my brother has suffered so much? It's so serious that I'm scared, but Big Brother isn't wrong at all. Top is using everyone as tools, but my family has fully benefited from the port issue and fulfilled my brother's desires. I should prioritize my brother's true feelings, right? Yes... it should be that way.
“Thank you.”
“Me too, Hia... Where are you and Phii Pete going? I want to come too. Even if it's tough, even if it's dangerous, we'll still be together.” I loosely hugged Hia, even though inside I was completely conflicted, but I tried to reinforce my feelings for our family's love and not to waver anymore, please... Would it be wrong to be selfish again? No matter how much truth we know, it's really hard to fight the moral dilemmas within our own minds.
“...It's complicated.” Hia scratched his chin, embarrassed, when I openly expressed love in a way I never had before, and it felt oddly awkward, probably the same feeling Nopp had when he showed respect ready for a fight. Seeing Hia's smile that he couldn't hold back made the happiness that had faded start to flow back into me, making me smile broadly and look at everything with joy.
“If Phii Pete says we're family, then let's all go. I'm not afraid of anything. I'm ready. Right, Nopp?” I teased Hia, who was acting awkwardly, until now I only saw the warmth within my own family.
“Yes, I'm very ready.”
“...What should we do, Pete?” After we talked about stressful things and even trivial matters at home, I realized how close our family is now. I'm ready to close my eyes and ears like when I was a child again.
“Phii Pete...”
“Yes.” But I still asked Phii Pete to make sure I did what I should while he walked me to bed.
“Phii Top is the only one who can help us with the port issue, right?”
“Hmm.” Phii Pete nodded with a smile, and then I walked over and hugged him tightly. I really didn't know what I was supposed to feel anymore. It was more tortuous than being alone with my sorrow because Phii Pete seemed so confident in Phii Top that I didn't dare destroy that feeling.
…
I woke up early, or rather, I hadn't slept all night, my mind was heavily clouded, my emotions fluctuating almost constantly, until Nopp invited me to make breakfast to please the Hia brothers, with the intention that they might let me and Nopp handle the port issue. But deep down, I wasn't thinking that way. I just wanted to see
…a happy family.
Even though Nopp genuinely wanted to help Hia, the scene today felt like a dream with everyone together. I teased Hia, Phii Pete, Venice, or even Nopp, as if absorbing the love from a family I had never received before, wanting to cherish this seemingly unreal moment for as long as possible. Because on the other side of my thoughts, there was already an end to this situation.
I was lying in the living room with Hia, who was teaching English to Venice, and Phii Pete was sneaking photos now and then. I pretended everything was normal, though my heart was so happy it almost made me want to cry because everything felt too good, wishing time would stop on this day only. I didn't want to bother anyone, nor did I want anyone to bother my family again. But it was an impossible wish...
“Phii Pete, come take a photo with us.” I waved at Phii Pete and looked at him without breaking eye contact, wanting to capture his smile in my memory forever. Why was Phii Pete so cheerful and kind, despite all he had been through? If I had another chance, I would get to know him sooner and be good so he wouldn't have to worry anymore.
“Orange juice is here... come on, I'll take the photo.” Nopp took the camera and photographed the four of us, and
“Change poses.” Then I turned to look at Hia, who was now posing with Venice in a fun way I had never seen before, and I looked at him with a wide smile. I never thought I could love Hia this much, just looking at him almost overwhelmed me with emotion. Hia had been through more than me, but he managed to get through everything easily. Hia protected me as if he had no feelings. He was ready to do anything for me without any conditions, and Hia loved me the most in the world, I knew that well.
“Do I have something on my face?” Hia asked in a teasing manner, but I tried to take a deep breath to calm my sobs and softly said to Hia,
“If one day I die, will you be able to live on?”
“What's that?” Hia raised an eyebrow because my voice was so soft he might not have heard it.
“No, I was just wondering how someone as good-looking as me could have an ugly brother.”
“Oh! Macau!!!” And then Hia swung his hand at me with full force, but Phii Pete had to intervene to stop the fight. Despite that, I still observed the atmosphere, capturing everything in my heart forever, especially the moment when Hia kissed Phii Pete's cheek without any embarrassment, making tears well up in my eyes uncontrollably. I hope the love between these two will help everything go smoothly. I'm truly happy that Hia has someone by his side, even happier that it's Phii Pete... I'm so moved that tears kept falling, but I tried not to let anyone see.
“The last photo... Nopp, let's take one together.” Hia invited Nopp, and I agreed wholeheartedly. This should be the last picture on the roll, capturing our family together.
“Alright then, one, two, smile!”
If there's one last thing I could wish for... could time slow down today? I want to soak up every bit of family happiness deeply into every fiber of my being and make it stick so it never fades.
‘Nopp
I must have been quite mischievous before, but thank you for always being there. On the darkest days, I saw the clearest thing, the kindness of people, and Nopp, you represent the loyalty of our family. Please look after both Hia and Venice.
Macau’
By Wednesday, we dealt with the port, the last piece of inheritance left by both my father and mother. But according to Hia, the main family wants to seize all assets, so we had to gather signatures and evidence to keep this place with us. This was the first port my dad bought for my mother, intended for my brother and me. But due to the crazy power struggle rules, Hia had to fight to get it back. And today, we succeeded. No matter who helped, I don't care. What I focus on above all else is the widest smile I've ever seen on my Hia's face.
The situation in the meeting clearly highlighted the rift between us and the main family. Hia ripped the mask off in front of all the board members, turning what should have been the day of appointing the main family's new chairman into a day where he regained control. This caused dissatisfaction.
“But under the name of the company, Krin Transport International Co., Ltd., registered in the name of my mother Madam Nalin Kiratipongkorn...”
“Since Madam Nalin Kiratipongkorn has passed away, the inheritance of the port belonging to Krin Transport International Co., Ltd. goes to the first heir, Krawit Teerapanyakul.” Lawyer Zhou placed the registration documents on the table, causing Hia to smile.
“Yes... I've known about this for a long time... but don't forget, Vegas, under the terms of the transfer of rights, every piece of inheritance you receive must be under the control of the main family.”
“Yes... but if there are signatures from more than ten former board members stating that Khun Krawit Teerapanyakul can legally continue as the heir, then by law, regardless of any contract... it is considered a rightful claim.”
Everything was well-prepared. Although I was happy about the inheritance returning, my eyes occasionally glanced at Big Brother, who was also at the meeting.
“As an Interpol officer... I confirm that all documents and evidence of this company must be continued by the bloodline of Madam Nalin, which is Khun Krawit.”
“Vegas... you're embarrassing my father!!” Second Brother slammed the table and was about to lunge at my Hia, but Big Brother and other bodyguards quickly restrained him.
“Calm down, Kinn.” Big Brother looked at my Hia with a reproving glance. At that moment, I kept my head down, not daring to meet his eyes much.
“Vegas... there was no need to bring this up in the middle of the meeting and expose it like this. You know there are outsiders here, both well-meaning and not, why not discuss this directly with father at home?” Big Brother spoke reasonably, and I understood everything perfectly, but the matter had escalated beyond control.
“Alright, since things have come to this point, I must have misunderstood. Let's just say...” Korn closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and then opened them with a compassionate smile. “I congratulate the new chairman of Krin Transport International Co., Ltd. The Main family is ready to fully support and advise. We hope the business prospers.”
Korn stood up from Cau, extending his hand in congratulations.
“Thank you, Uncle Korn... I hope in the future we might become good partners.”
The Main family members then left the meeting room one by one, with mixed emotions. Although they tried to hide it, only Big Brother looked at us with disappointment. I caught him before he could leave.
“I'm sorry things turned out this way.”
“Huh?” Big Brother raised an eyebrow, surprised that I approached him with my feelings.
“I'm really sorry.” I said with a heavy heart, not just for today, but for everything I wanted to apologize for from the bottom of my heart.
“Forget it, I'll talk to Kinn and dad myself. Anyway, congratulations, it's rightfully yours, it's your mother's legacy.” Big Brother, more composed than ever, patted my shoulder, telling me not to overthink it. At the same moment, my brother hugged him and slipped the wallet I once stole back into his back pocket, along with a childhood photo of us five siblings that I had secretly kept.
‘Big Brother,
Even though we've been enemies all our lives, I want to say that I respect you as Big Brother and as my elder brother. Though I realized it late, I feel you are truly the brother of Teerapanya. Live with mindfulness and don't trust anyone. I apologize for everything and hope you can forgive me.
Macau’
“You've grown a lot, I'm off!” I hope this message reaches Big Brother and he truly feels my emotions. Sorry and thank you for being the eldest brother who has always been a support for us.
I watched his retreating back with mixed feelings before heading up to talk to my family with joy, calling Ray, who Phii Pete had brought along today. I then asked him to do something one last time.
“Ray, did you bring it?” I pulled Ray aside for a private conversation.
“I brought it...” Ray handed me a branded box, which I eagerly opened. It was the first gift I had saved up for by tutoring, intended for Hia. I had hesitated for a long time about what to buy. Ultimately, I chose a wristwatch, hoping Hia would remember our times together.
“I actually intended to give it to Hia because he became a director, but now he's the owner of the company. It's alright, isn't it, Ray?”
“Oh... I think Khun Vegas will be very proud, Khun Macau, you saved up yourself, tutoring high school kids for months, right?”
“Yes... but I'm worried if it's good enough for Hia.”
“I think just the fact that Khun Macau intended it for Khun Vegas will make him very happy.”
“I'll find the right moment to give it. Let's go up to the rooftop, it's better up there, come on!” I pulled Ray up to the rooftop where the cool breeze and high view of the port made the final gift from dad and mom look beautiful.
“Thank you so much, Ray, for still helping out. We'll put these photos in Hia's room, they look nice, don't they?” I continued to take pictures with my Polaroid camera before sensing something off from the person I brought up with me.
“...” The silence, calm, and coldness spread around. Normally, it would be scary, but I knew everything was more dangerous than I could predict because the indifferent face and the vengeful eyes told me my thoughts were correct all along.
“You got caught in the act, huh... sigh... breaking character befitting a Master's subordinate who always hides under a mask, never showing their true face for a fair fight, just using cowardly, dog-like tactics, biting in secret and being pathetic.” I spoke while casually taking photos of the view without even glancing at my conversation partner.
“The master does everything for justice.” Ray said in a tone I was unfamiliar with.
“What right do you have to judge others' lives?” I still sought a reason that seemed pointless.
“That's right, that's a question you should ask Teerapanya rather than us.”
“Heh.” I chuckled and glanced at him without fear.
“Khun Macau, I won't apologize, and I won't ask you for forgiveness, because I will be the one to free you from this suffering.” Ray approached me slowly, but I could only raise my eyebrows and look at him with a mix of contempt and disdain for his behavior.
“No need, I'm not that pitiful. I don't need someone like you to help me.” I said with a smile and a very relaxed demeanor.
“Do you think you'll get out of here alive?”
“No, but if I'm going to die, it won't be by the hands of a nobody like you.” I emphasized his status and worthlessness, to get the satisfaction that in the end, you deceived Phii Pete, deceived me, aimed to destroy my family, and despised those who are nothing but liars to the core.
“Macau!!!”
“Top.” Ray called out that name, causing me to look out at the view outside, not caring who came or went.
I gazed at the blurry atmosphere high above where I couldn't find a focal point. I could only feel the dim sky and the wind brushing against my face, feeling an indescribable relief, my mind and thoughts empty as if I wouldn't perceive anything anymore.
I couldn't figure out what I should be aware of, remember, or reflect on first, or simply put, I couldn't organize the overwhelming thoughts in my mind.
Being born as 'Teerapanya' was indeed a curse as everyone said, because the deeper I searched for answers, the more dangerous it became, almost unbearable.
Under the shadow and protection of my beloved brother... Why is the uncontrolled outside world so cruel, and where will all this end?
Because I can't imagine how to escape the tight grip holding me, especially when everything seems to be going well, our family is almost complete. The four of us, Hia, Phii Pete, Venice, and I, might have broken free from this vicious cycle for a moment, but now everything is pitch black as if someone turned off the switch, pulled the plug. No light, and no exit in sight except the path ahead that I'm forced to follow blindly, like a pawn in a game set and directed already. Each person should go where they are supposed to, everyone. We're not solving problems but flowing along with the game without realizing it, and if anyone takes just one wrong step, it might lead to an abyss.
“Macau...” I didn't even turn towards the familiar voice. Although I knew well why he had chased after me. Rain clouds were beginning to form, the sky abruptly changing from blue to a deep indigo, the wind growing stronger by the moment.
“...” The sigh from that person was loud, as if burdened by something. Indeed, I had stumbled upon something I shouldn't have known... I realized today that perhaps one might know someone's face but not their heart, because the human heart is truly hard to fathom. Hia might be seen as strong and villainous. Phii Pete might be overly optimistic, and I am caught between these two, without considering the danger so close at hand.
“Why do you...?” I spoke in a flat tone, still facing away from my interlocutor, “Because…”
“Because I am one of those who needs to...”
“Seek revenge... right?” I interrupted before he could finish. Even though I dislike the Main family and hate them to the core, at least there's some kinship or bond. Even if it's about attachment or hatred, I don't mean that I want anyone to suffer... “Everything was your plan. From the matter with Phii Porsche, to my mother, my father, or my brother... right?” I lowered my head, biting my lip, trying to hold back the sobs that were about to escape. If it were just family feuds, it would be scary enough, but this has escalated far beyond.
“Listen to me first...” I felt the tall figure approaching from behind, his voice soft and his arms gently wrapping around me from behind. “Don't you love me anymore?” His words made me let my tears flow, as the Polaroid camera in my hand fell to the ground, strengthless.
“I can't take it anymore... who are you really?” I sobbed so much my body shook, until he moved away from my back and turned me to face him.
“I'm still me... I'm still like usual, I mean well, believe me.”
“I can't bear it anymore. I can't handle the family matters anymore.” I said, tears streaming down my face uncontrollably. I couldn't handle any of this anymore. Not at all.
“If this ends, I will take you far away, I promise. I will erase all the past, let everything be my responsibility, Macau.” His firm words didn't make me feel any better. I paused, then looked up at him with a hardened gaze.
“And if I don't comply...” The hand on my shoulder froze, the eyes of the man before me seemed confused for several moments. We stared at each other unyieldingly, and then the hand slowly released my shoulder. His eyes gradually conveyed an answer that pained me to my core before he uttered his final words as a farewell, “Will you eliminate me... Phii Top... no, Master...
“Macau...”
“Let my life atone for the sins my family has committed, let my death heal the wounds you hold against my family, please... Phii Top.”
“I stand by my words, I hope you understand everything I do, and I will protect you myself.” He gripped my shoulder tightly again, but I removed his hand and stepped back until I was at the edge of the roof.
“Let him go, it's better this way, it saves us the headache.” Ray held back Phii Top who was trying to approach me.
“Shut up, Ray! Macau, come back, it's dangerous there.” Phii Top extended his hand to me, and I didn't resist much. I reached out, sending him the picture he once said he loved the most, along with a message on the back.
"I'm not angry at you, and I hope my actions now will help you feel better.”
“I'm not...
“Macau, please…let me go, Ray!!!” Phii Top cried out like a madman. I didn't know how genuine his emotions were, but it was pointless now.
“The Master has ordered us to deal with this kid anyway.”
“But the Master has gone too far. I know he ordered us to eliminate Macau, but I can't lose him, let me go!!! Macau! I beg you!”
“Stop begging for something hopeless, about Thana and the Main family. I will atone for that pain myself.”
“Macau!!!!!!”
‘Phii Top
I don't really know what you want, but what you're doing isn't right. It's an endless pain, but I believe everything will reveal itself in time. I've never been angry at you, and I won't forgive you, because it's meaningless. I never knew you, and I don't know who you are, but don't worry, because in my memory, there will only be Phii Top that I knew. You are my first love and will be my only love forever.
Macau.’
I smiled at Phii Top as a farewell before letting myself fall from the tall building, and memories flooded back into my mind. Whether it was about Hia who always protected me.
“Hia will watch Macau through this window, no one will be able to do anything to Hia's Macau.” On the day I had no one left, bodyguards from the main family knelt down and hugged me sincerely, and Phii Pete was always a safe haven for me.
“I will stay by Khun Macau's side. Don't be afraid.”
“You still have me, Macau. You're still my brother.” Even the image of Big Brother patting my head on my weakest day, that kindness I could never forget, sorry Phii Teekhun.
And finally, the faint memory. Me riding on aunt's shoulders, playing joyfully with the favorite toy she bought, and then the sentence that faded away but now became clear...
“I will always love you, Macau. Stay strong forever, my son.”
“Dad!” The last words before I felt an impact without pain, and everything went black without any more feelings...
“Macau!!!!! Macau!!!!!!!!”
“Damn it, Ray!”
“Why, are you suddenly feeling regretful or what, harden your heart a bit, Top.”
“Damn! Ray! Top! You better run, I'll handle the scene myself. Top! Hurry up and leave!!! Top!”
“Macau. No!!! It shouldn't end like this.”
“Top! Ending like this is good, this kid knows too much about us.”
“I didn't mean for him to die! I didn't want Cau to die. Macau!!!!!”
I don't know what will happen after I'm gone from this world, but don't be too sad, don't dwell on the past, don't blame fate, and don't hold grudges anymore. I hope everyone I love lives happily. My death isn't just to set me free, but I hope it will also lessen the sins and grudges we've all collectively created. Life. I might be able to atone for someone's vengeance. Don't live in pain, don't drive every day with hatred, don't hate anyone pointlessly. May every life and soul live simply and accept the truth, and good things will happen every day, just like in my memories.
A piece of paper was placed on the coffee table in the living room, before everything in the house fell silent. Waves of mourning arose with sorrow, the feeling of loss spreading widely. Even the Main family couldn't come to terms with what happened. Every photo was stuck all over the room of the youngest son of the great mafia family, all memorable and beautiful beyond words. The fun childhood, school with friends full of nostalgia, the five siblings who grew up together, Hia Vegas who was the protective shield, Phii Pete who was the smile of the whole world, Venice who was the bright light, Nopp who was nothing but honest, Porchay the kindest friend, the most beloved father and mother in the world, and importantly, the last photo of Macau was placed on his eldest brother's desk...
‘Hia Vegas and Phii Pete whom I love with all my heart
Please let me go. I'm shattered to the point where I can't live happily anymore. Protect and cherish your love. The love between you two will protect our family, including me, from danger and bring happiness. Don't drown in sorrow and be happy every day; consider this my final request.
Everything I've done, I hope, will erase the sins that would otherwise haunt us as karma. I want everyone to believe that this is the best way out. My life in exchange for the mistakes, the damages beyond measure, it's only fitting. But Hia and Phii Pete, don't blame yourselves at all, promise me that...
And I will watch over you, ensuring you're happy at all times, even if we must be apart, but be assured and trust in me that what I've chosen is the best for everyone. There's not much more to say except “thank you” and “I'm sorry.”
I have always loved Hia and Phii Pete, and I will love you forever.
Thank you for letting me go and relieving the unbearable pain that I could no longer carry. I hope everyone will protect Hia Vegas, give love to Phii Pete, and cherish Venice, and I will remain in everyone's hearts forever.
With love and mourning,
Vegas and brother Pete whom I love with all my heart
Macau Krin Teerapanya
TBC
The End Of The Mafia
Macau Storry Memories Wth Me